Where are all the men?

scobysnacks

I spilt up with my long term bf 8 months ago. We were together since college days; now at 27 I've found myself single. I have lots of friends but all of them are in serious relationships and I seem to find myself constantly hanging around with smug couples.

Any guys I've meet in the last few months seem to be only after one thing (which I learned quickly after the break up and pulled back from sleezy dudes advances as I'm afraid of STD's). Although I have really enjoyed my time being single I am now feeling a bit lonely (sick of always being the couch girl ). The problem is that I don't have a clue where to meet guys (pubs don't work). I'm alright looking and have a good personality but I never seem to meet decent single guys. Does anyone who has been in a similiar situation have any advice? What can I join or do to widen my social circle?

Corksham

What about work, any lookers there? or even head out for Friday beers with them if ya didnt in the past Are you joined any clubs, if not maybe now is the time (especially a mixed sex one), call up old friends, not everyone is taken at 27, in fact alot of people these days are single at that age.
You're only a young one, when god made time he made loads of it!
Join a gym or a sports activity - people who go to gyms etc.. arent necessarilt fitness freaks often people looking to get out and about etc...

annR

Try one of those online dating websites . . .a lot of people are afraid . . .but I think people have the wrong attitude . . .dating is great fun. I did it for a while and had a laugh. A friend of mine met her boyfriend that way, they've been together 1.5 years now.
www.maybefriends.com is what she was on.

Sleepy

I just took up swing dance lessons again recently and I've found it a great way to meet people because by the very nature of the class, you're meeting new people when the class rotates and you're dancing with a new partner. Surprisingly(?) there's pretty much as many guys there as girls too. The one I go to is a drop-in class so you just turn up any Wednesday you're in the mood for it so there's no commitment to a 6/10 week course or whatever.

The class I'm in is on in the Vaults (underneath Connolly Station) at 7.30 on Wednesdays and is great craic. You may not meet Prince Charming but you'll definitely get to meet new people, it's great exercise and there are €5 cocktails for anyone in the swing class afterwards.

If that's not convenient for you I'm sure there's something similar in your area

muppetkiller

Well to be honest it's the same for guys.. I moved back to Ireland recently after 3 years away and found it very difficult to meet friends in general. And more so ladies. All my friends are either engaged or in long term relationships
Join Tag Rugby or hiking clubs etc ... you'll meet loads at tag and it's much more of a social thing than sport ...but it's great fun to play too.

Also i think the best way to meet a person is through friends anyway..
I just met a wee lady through a friend and I'm hooked

you'll find someone in time don't worry ...problem is after being in a long term for so long your used to having a person in your life and know what it's like to wake up with someone you care about ...(an amazing and wonderful thing)
and it can really hit you hard when you loose that.

Best of Luck

Terrier

muppetkiller wrote:

Also i think the best way to meet a person is through friends anyway..
I just met a wee lady through a friend and I'm hooked

Got to agree, friends of friends is always the way to go..

rainglow

I know it sounds cliche but it really is all about getting out there. Don't turn down invitations to parties/ bbqs/ nights out because you're feeling down or you're worried that you'll be the only single person there. Even if you've met all of your friend's friends, chances are those people will have brought along some of their own friends too. No matter how many times I go out with the same gang of people, there's invariably somebody new there.

Your friend's boyfriend's friends are usually a pretty good option too - that's how I met my boyfriend. Of my friends, the majority of them met their partners through work or college.

I don't think I've ever used the word friend so many times in the space of a minute!

simu

Yeah -join some activity that lots of men are into.

joejoem

Im in a relationship now and all I see is single girls everywhere. But you can bet as soon as Im single again they will all disapear

ergo

there are plenty of men out there,
I'm 27 and a lot of my male friends are still single,
now these are decent guys who I would say are choosing to be single and not settling or who have had long term relationships end in the past year or 2 and haven't rushed into anything new since

like the OP I spent almost my entire college life in a long term relationship (which was great at the time, well especially in the early years) and then found myself single, then I suppose I went the other way, drunkenly kissing a lot of girls (but not really big into or going after one night stands tbh) and all that got pretty unfulfilling after a while so now I suppose I'm still not in any rush and happy to wait for the magic if it's out there

that said, more of my female 27 y.old riends seem to be in relationships and probably half the males are so I suppose it's the single guys I'd end up hanging out with so I can imagine how you might feel if all your female friends are hooked up

and where to meet?yeah the pub isn't exactly the answer but we still end up there a lot,
I know of friends who have gone to these mixed sports like tag rugby or netball and they seem a good way to meet people of the opp sex

friends of friends and work or college is still probably the best bet though

and in response to the internet dating, well I've never tried it but it could be worth a shot and I wouldn't rule it out in the future, I mean you could probably rule out a lot of people who would drive you absolutely mad (in a bad way) by their profile or whatever instead of having to endure an awkward date etc

Quantum

rainglow is absolutely right.

Put yourself in the shoes of the typical guy that you are looking to meet - and ask yourself how is he supposed to find you if he don't know where you are and how is he going to bump into you if you are not out an about ?

You need to be out and about where he is likely to be. Is he likely to be hanging around with smug couples ? Is he likely to be going door to door in case he meets a great girl ? ........... :rolleyes:


You need to be out socialising at every opportunity that offers itself, with friends, work etc. You need to look at sports clubs, hobby clubs, parties of all kinds....

Also make sure you have a warm and happy face when you are around people. Some people have a terrible habit of looking depressed and anxious ALL the time... which doesn't encourage anyone to approach them.

If you are out and about and easy to approach and talk to ... you will be half way there.

whippet

I was a late 20's single for a few years and to be honest the best way to meet people was as friends of friends ... never miss the opportunity of going to parties, especially when you think you won't know anyone there ... at the end of the night you'll know most people.

Fortunatly I did find what I was looking for and now I am looking for a nice dapper ring and planning a suprise for this summer summer.

the_syco

simu wrote:

Yeah -join some activity that lots of men are into.

What activity are lots of women into?

=-=

Also, what is this "tag rugby" people talk about?

annR

When I was single, I scuba dived myself silly with loads of men for years, never took up with any of them, so didn't work for me but sports that lots of men do is definitely great. If you can think of anything like that you are interested in, make it a priority to join up right away.

A lot of clubs etc will be having barbecues etc now in the long summer evenings . . .a great way to hang around and meet people.

skywalker

joejoem wrote:

Im in a relationship now and all I see is single girls everywhere. But you can bet as soon as Im single again they will all disapear

This is definitely one of murphys laws. The amount of interest you get from other women when your in a relationship. Then once your single, BAM. herpes. I mean no interest.

nesf

simu wrote:

Yeah -join some activity that lots of men are into.

Well, she is posting on an online bulletin board....

the_syco wrote:

What activity are lots of women into?

If she told you that, then she'd have to kill you. Rules are rules.

simu

I don't really do any activities but stuff like yoga would probably attract more women than men.

And, yeah - going to a boards beer pretty much guarantees that you will have at least 5 men for every woman around you, OP!

Beruthiel

simu wrote:

going to a boards beer pretty much guarantees that you will have at least 5 men for every woman around you, OP!

for more info on this
please click on the link in my sig below

sutty

Beruthiel wrote:

for more info on this
please click on the link in my sig below

[img]tags woman!!! :rolleyes: Yeah, if your looking to meet more guys just head out somewhere or do something that you enjoy and that men would to. As for beers... yeah be ready to meet us lot lol... the poor woman.[/img]

CaptainPeacock

To the OP: Please relax. Loneliness is the normal and you are, in fact, in the majority.

nesf

simu wrote:

And, yeah - going to a boards beer pretty much guarantees that you will have at least 5 men for every woman around you, OP!

Whether that's a good thing or not depends totally on one's perspective

Maynooth

Definitely join some sort of club or like Sleepy said, dance classes. Sounds good.

Maynooth

Actually Scobysnacks, I often see girls on here that are new to Dublin and don't have that many friends....why don't a few of ye get together for a girlie night out....make some new friends and meet some new people (and men) that way? Best of luck with it anyway.

scobysnacks

Wow what a response!

I actually do lots of sports gym, swimming and surfing - never coped the tag rubgy one though - might give it a try.As for getting myself out there - pretty much every weekend trying difference places all the time.

Friends of friends is your typical one - but all my friends friends are couples too - is this normal. In fact the single ones they have tried to pawn off on me over the last few months are really bad (really ugly nerds - think overweight Bill Gates clones with acne and no charisma :eek: ). I know standards have to drop slightly as you get older but you gotta draw the line somewhere!

I just don't know what to do - my mates have even starting calling me Bridgit!

annR

Surfing should be great for meeting guys - they're all into it these days. Do you go on weekends to surfing places like Bundoran and La Hinch . . .full of surfing lads. If you could persuade a girlfriend to go with you you'd be sorted I bet . . .

BEAT

scobysnacks wrote:

I know standards have to drop slightly as you get older but you gotta draw the line somewhere!

!

Whoa! :eek: says who??!
I am single & 27, 28 in 3 weeks and I refuse to lower my standards. That is nonsense talk girlie...the minute you lower your standards is when you find yourself feeling bad about yourself. No Decent man wants to be with a woman who feels she has to lower her standards for any reason. Be Confident, be Happy and dont go out always looking to meet someone. If you go out to just have fun and enjoy yourself you will attract more that way It seems that women who sit around checking out all the men in the room usually go home alone, women who are out for a good time and seem to not care usually get approached more
To be honest, I'd rather be single than to be with someone who doesnt Complete me, and you wont find that by lowering your standards

nesf

scobysnacks wrote:

In fact the single ones they have tried to pawn off on me over the last few months are really bad (really ugly nerds - think overweight Bill Gates clones with acne and no charisma :eek: )

Is this a subtle dig at the suggestion of attending boards beers with a view to pulling?


Nah hun, I know exactly what you mean. I gotten it when people (who don't know me well) try to "matchmake" for me. They think because I'm a geek/nerd and that I'm single for ages that I don't have standards :rolleyes:

I've been "single" for 2 and a half years at this point (no relationships longer than a month etc). It's nothing to be ashamed of, I just really could not be bothered being with some random woman just because I can pull her.

I'm happy to wait until I meet the right one

simu

OP, you're not that old yet! Don't panic as the ol' Hitchhiker's guide says!

(Hey - hitchhiker - two h's together!)

WhiteWashMan

scobysnacks wrote:

(sick of always being the couch girl ).

i find leaving the couch is always a good start.

if you can make it through the front door and into somewhere were there are real people to meet, it will probably increase your chances of finding someone substantially.

nesf

WhiteWashMan wrote:

if you can make it through the front door and into somewhere were there are real people to meet, it will probably increase your chances of finding someone substantially.

I've personally found that going out and meeting "real" people just reinforces my despair generally.

Then again, same thing happens online and on TV etc. So it's lose-lose really.

Zaph0d

I think it gets harder for women to find men as they get past their late 20s. Those men who are still single and acceptable to women (confidence, personality, wealth, looks, mental health), can go out with women 5 years younger. The men find they are in more demand than when they were younger while women are of less sexual interest to most men the older they get. 27 is not old and the moral is for women to take full advantage of their power over men while they still have it.

Some men in their late 20s/30s avoid women of their own age for fear of being 'trapped' or put under pressure to get married or father children. Tick tock, fertility clock etc.

So you have to compete more.

nesf

Zaph0d wrote:

Those men who are still single and acceptable to women (confidence, personality, wealth, looks, mental health), can go out with women 5 years younger.

Yeah, lets make some sweeping and patently false generalisations and apply them to an individual's case.

That's the way to do it!!

(observe the lack of a rant, I'm being a good boy )

WhiteWashMan

nesf wrote:

Yeah, lets make some sweeping and patently false generalisations and apply them to an individual's case.

That's the way to do it!!

(observe the lack of a rant, I'm being a good boy )

ah, but without your usual back up statements, you just sound like youa re sniping from a grassy knoll....

scobysnacks

I agree, men can pick up younger chicks but its harder for women. For example - I met a guy of 25 we got on really well and there was attraction there but the minute I told him what age I was he ran a mile. I guess he was thinking that I wanted to settle down or something.

As for the older ones they generally tend to be single because they are not the relationship type. Usually they are just after sex. I don't feel old but I am starting to feel pressure from my friends and family to find someone!

irlirishkev

scobysnacks wrote:

I know standards have to drop slightly as you get older but you gotta draw the line somewhere!

I'm single, just turned 28, and my standards have actually gone up in the last couple of years.

scobysnacks wrote:

I just don't know what to do - my mates have even starting calling me Bridgit!

Happy couples being all high and mighty.. don't you just love that!

Altheus

I agree, men can pick up younger chicks but its harder for women. For example - I met a guy of 25 we got on really well and there was attraction there but the minute I told him what age I was he ran a mile. I guess he was thinking that I wanted to settle down or something.

That's the first time I've heard a lady refer to younger women as chicks... weird....

Maybe you should apply for a reality based TV show.

Now I know that sounds ridiculous, but....

nesf

WhiteWashMan wrote:

ah, but without your usual back up statements, you just sound like youa re sniping from a grassy knoll....

Well a single sniper bullet can remove a key figure and stop a revolution. Or you can line up everyone remotely connected and carefully place a bullet in their skull from point blank range.

I'm experimenting with not wasting my time with backing up my opinions until someone feels the need to argue the issue with me.

Plus does anyone really need to hear my 3K+ rebuttal to some random generalisation? I know it's going against my style but people were complaining about me taking up a large segment of their free time with the reading of my post. Or something to that effect

BEAT

nesf wrote:

people were complaining about me taking up a large segment of their free time with the reading of my post. Or something to that effect

gwan, you can take up my time anytime you'd like...
rant aweh

The Corinthian

Zaph0d wrote:

I think it gets harder for women to find men as they get past their late 20s. Those men who are still single and acceptable to women (confidence, personality, wealth, looks, mental health), can go out with women 5 years younger. The men find they are in more demand than when they were younger while women are of less sexual interest to most men the older they get. 27 is not old and the moral is for women to take full advantage of their power over men while they still have it.

While admittedly a generalisation, this is true. I remember as an 18-year old noting that women of my own age were perpetually more interested in men who were older than them. This is pretty depressing for a guy at that age, but fortunately it does not last forever. Now in my mid-thirties I happily live in a World where every bar is like a toyshop full of 20-year olds with father complexes.

Of course, this is a generalisation and I’ve seen plenty of exceptions too.

Some men in their late 20s/30s avoid women of their own age for fear of being 'trapped' or put under pressure to get married or father children. Tick tock, fertility clock etc.

If a man in his late 20s/30s is afraid of commitment, however tempting it is to remain single at that age, then he probably does need to grow up a bit. Most men grow out of that behaviour by our mid-twenties, TBH.

Women definitely assess you as a potential father once you enter this age bracket and you’ll be asked subtle (or not so subtle) questions about your attitudes towards having children. Thirtysomething relationships are often fast tracked for this reason, you’ll find many who meet at thirty, marry by thirty-three and have a kid or two by thirty-five - which is understandable from a woman’s perspective, because it gets harder to conceive as you get older and if you wait after your late thirties you’ll be playing Mongolian roulette to boot.

Unfortunately such fast tracking (especially when driven by the woman in the relationship) can unnerve even the most domesticated of male, who could be forgiven for feeling that he’s seen as little more than a sperm bank with biceps.

Finally as an addendum to the observation that women lower their standards as they grow older, that has been suggested, is that men increase them. This may well be connected to the fact that single men in their thirties get to have an awful lot of fun with younger women, and so can afford to.

To the OP, vis-a-vi meeting people, I suspect it comes down to your personality type. Some use hobbies and classes as a means to meet people. Others meet in pubs, parties or at weddings. And others are more Machiavellian (the friend of an ex of mine was on a strict timetable to find a mate. So she used a few internet dating sites and would go on two or three dates a week. If they didn’t work out, she would drop them ruthlessly. Last I heard, she’d decided that one of them was good enough to quit the dating and concentrate on).

nesf

The Corinthian wrote:

While admittedly a generalisation, this is true. I remember as an 18-year old noting that women of my own age were perpetually more interested in men who were older than them. This is pretty depressing for a guy at that age, but fortunately it does not last forever. Now in my mid-thirties I happily live in a World where every bar is like a toyshop full of 20-year olds with father complexes.

Of course, this is a generalisation and I’ve seen plenty of exceptions too.

My disagreement comes from the use of the phrase "single men who are acceptable to women". People's taste varies, as they get older they tend to vary more (in my experience). Instead of just being attracted to them physically older people will tend generally to be looking for more in a potential partner. This will be very variable etc, but would you not agree that looks become less important as a person ages? Not that they aren't a factor, they most definitely are regardless of one's age, but that other aspects of a person become more prominent/important?

I don't think it's valid to state that men are acceptable to women via some magic five qualities that for the most part are extremely hard to define and classify and vary hugely from person to person.

Looks are possibly the most homogenous of the factors, there is a "typical" good looking that most people will find attractive. People's individual tastes will vary (and standards) but generally people agree broadly on looks. At least they do in comparisson to people's opinions on issues such as the others listed (personality, confidence, wealth, mental health).

Confidence is a relative thing. Am I confident? I know people who think so. I know people who don't. Is it something that can be generally attributed? I don't think so. There are too many factors coming into the situation.

Personality is again a very mixed bag. Few people can get on with everyone very well. Most people that have strong outgoing personalities have many enemies and many friends. Whether or not they are aware enough to realise that they have enemies is another thing. Some women like quiet guys. Some like talkative guys. Some like arrogant self assured guys. It really is very varied. For most people, their personality will be attractive to some segment of the opposite sex. It's only the very few that aren't like this.

Wealth. This is relative to the two people involved. Obviously. And it isn't an issue for some people (although they aren't in the majority I feel).

Mental Health. Well this is again very relative. Good mental health is the absence of mental health problems and associated issues. I can think of very very few people who could be described as having no issues, irrational views or phobias etc. People mightn't display them openly and they might not be obvious to a casual observer, but in a relationship they will be apparent.

Different women have different levels of tolerance for this issue. Some can't deal with the idea of their partner having any irrationalities or issues. Some are willing to put up with huge amounts of stress and **** because they care deeply about the person who is suffering the illness.

Mental health issues don't define a person. Neither does wealth or confidence.

Looks and personality are the only factors that I'd view as relevant here. They at least are something that most women might agree on or at least come to a consensus on.

The others vary far too much between people to be included in my eyes. They are totally dependent on the situation and history of the woman involved and are something whose importance can vary hugely in a person from month to month.

The_Corninthian wrote:

Finally as an addendum to the observation that women lower their standards as they grow older, that has been suggested, is that men increase them. This may well be connected to the fact that single men in their thirties get to have an awful lot of fun with younger women, and so can afford to.

I agree with this. Men's standards definitely increase as they get older (for most men, there are exceptions I'm sure). There are a lot fo reasons for this, but I don't think it's necessary to add to your well stated ones.

WhiteWashMan

LATIN BEAT wrote:

gwan, you can take up my time anytime you'd like...
rant aweh

you definately need to get laid beat.
i cant recall a single post from you in the last month where you havent made some remark or innuendo about having sex.

annR

>>27 is not old and the moral is for women to take full advantage of their power over men while they still have it.<<

I fully agree. I've never been one for dolling myself up to the nines and being overly conscious of my clothes etc. but in your late 20s you have to take the opportunity to look your best, just because you will never be in your 20s again. Look on it as an excuse to spend money on yourself!!!!

>>So you have to compete more.<<

In a way that's why the dating sites are so great. You widen the arena - don't just compete on your looks - you can create a profile on a dating site which differenciates you in other ways from all those boring cows out there.

Many guys are looking for a partner too, remember, and they are also attracted to women who have personality and are interesting etc - women in their late twenties early 30s can take advantage of it more .. because they've lived a bit more and are generally more interesting than younger women

Zaph0d

scobysnacks wrote:

I agree, men can pick up younger chicks but its harder for women. For example - I met a guy of 25 we got on really well and there was attraction there but the minute I told him what age I was he ran a mile. I guess he was thinking that I wanted to settle down or something.

As for the older ones they generally tend to be single because they are not the relationship type. Usually they are just after sex. I don't feel old but I am starting to feel pressure from my friends and family to find someone!

The thing is to attract the right kind of men without finding them leaving as soon as they've had their main course. You can do this by looking after your own personal growth, your happiness, your career, your interests, your relationships with your friends and family. Be the kind of person that is respected.

And don't put the word out amongst your friends that you are looking for a man, Bridget! Desperation is unattractive to men and women alike. You'd be better letting it be known that you have to beat men away with a stick.

The Clown Man

Can I just make a quick point here (if I can - quick is not a trait of mine) ... (down girls)


I think you are taking the whole clubbing thing wrong. Every guy that goes out as a single bloke is dreaming of getting laid that night. Thank you nature.

BUT. Not every bloke wants just one night and thats that.

I was in a similar position to you a while ago. Out of a long term relationship and looking for a solid girlfriend. Now being a man and slightly younger (Sorry ) the age thing didn't come into effect. But I still thought that there was no way I was going to find a nice, decent, good looking girl in a night club. I was wrong. And when I learned that I could I realised I was wrong to go trying to find a girlfriend in the first place.

I went through a string of relationships with girls that I just didn't click with just because I wanted to be in some form of relationship.

I'd say you need to relax and play the field a little. Learning the game after being so long out is a bit of a pain and slow going but here's a coule of tips which might help:

Don't mind if a guy is looking for one thing. In a club they all are. But sometimes they are looking for more as well.
Flirt your ass off. I hear girls like it :rolleyes: and who cares if nothing happens. They do but you don't.
Stop looking for a boyfriend. If you meet and reject enough guys one you like is bound to come along sooner or later.
Relax, enjoy it and stop listening to couples who just want you to fit into their lifestyle a little more. Also, the more relaxed you are about your singleness the more attractive you are to the opposite sex.
Don't by any means feel bad about being with a guy all night and totally refusing to jump in the sack with him. If he don't like it - fuk him he's not what your after. I think you'll find this also will make you all the more attractive becuase you are obviously a "classy girl."

Anyway. Main point is that clubs are a great place to meet people. But the guys that openly approach you will usually be the morons. They make up a very small minority in a bunch of totally normal people who do what every normal single person does. So go out and enjoy.

(So much for quick ...)

BEAT

WhiteWashMan wrote:

you definately need to get laid beat.
i cant recall a single post from you in the last month where you havent made some remark or innuendo about having sex.

hehehe
ya well, this is the only place I can get away with it...I'd get fired at work at & funny looks at home

sceptre

LATIN BEAT wrote:

Whoa! :eek: says who??!
I am single & 27, 28 in 3 weeks and I refuse to lower my standards.
<snip>
To be honest, I'd rather be single than to be with someone who doesnt Complete me, and you wont find that by lowering your standards

She's right you know. Never settle. And it's not about finding the best looking person you've ever seen (unless you're lucky) or someone who can keep you in the manner to which you'd love to become accustomed, it's about someone who suits (or fits if you like).

As for where all these decent blokes with something to offer might be, I've no fricking idea. Most (not all but certainly most) of my recommendable friends are now married and not a single one of them met their spousy-types in the pub.

tk123

Corksham wrote:

What about work, any lookers there? or even head out for Friday beers with them if ya didnt in the past

ah crap i forgot abt the work beers!!!! see this is why i'm single too!! :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

WhiteWashMan

LATIN BEAT wrote:

hehehe
ya well, this is the only place I can get away with it...I'd get fired at work at & funny looks at home

get a rabbit vibrator.

guess who was watchimng that episode of sex in the ciity last night!

BEAT

DOH! my favorite show but I bet you are not surprised
I am sad they cancelled it, it was such a laugh !

Victor

Get a room you two.