Create extremely bad poetry thread

pwd

why is this big black hole in me?
why?
Why?
Why?
There is nothing that I can see?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Please tell me this is not meant to be?
why?
Why?
Why?
I never think we truly will be free!
Until
we
Die!
die die die die die die die die die die die die AARGGGAHHRGAGRHh

please construct cringeworthy poetry in 1 minute or less and post here.

Sarky

I am a little gnome,
I want to write a poem,
But I just don't have the mettle,
So I'll go put on the kettle,
And have a cup of tea,
Some biscuits on my knee,
'Cos I can't write poetry,
Rhyme works not for me,
Oh wait, so far it's worked,
Realising this, I smirked.
Oh bugger, I can't stop!
Someone call the cops!
And now my tea is gone,
Again, the kettle's on,
My verbosity's diminished,
So as from now I'm finished.

pwd

love is a glove is a dove is a cove is a
move-ing me is a
rove-ing free
is a bethroving to-be
is a volvo back seat
very nearly
is a wove-en into me
is a love
is a love
is a looooooooooooooove
diediediediediediedie

jezza

mary had a little lamb she washed him in a bucket and every time soap got in its eyes the little lamb said fu(k it

amp

Shall compare thee to
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

funky penguin

How I wish.......

For a piece of fish.

*Clicking of fingers*


Gurooooooooveh

jezza

spider spider on the wall
you think your clever
you no fcuk all
the wall ur on has just been plastered.
now yor stuck u stupid bastid

pwd

oink oink snuffle snort
said the pig
and sat on me
and ate my chocolate

OmiNouS SilenCE
said the parastitc worm
as it burrowed into me
and made me weak

Arrrrgggh arrrrrrggggh arrrrrrgghhh
screamed the howling Hellspawn
As it flew at me
And hurt me

<edit: got a bit carried away here >

So I waited
until everything was nice and quiet
and they all thoguht I'd forgotten alllllll about it
and moved on
yeah they thought that

And I took a little trip
up memory lane
to where she llived

And I set the place on fire
burn baby wood burn fire fire bright in the night shine so bright it was alight i thought I might
wait until she came out all scared and screaming
and I chopped her legs off with an axe
or an "ax" as they say over there
and then I laughed "ha ha" I laughed you stupid **** you got no legs

And I fed her worms
<edit: got REALLY carried away here>

and now we are happy again
together forever
thank you master
she said to me
it was my true desire for you to make me your **** bag
i was frustrated by your insistent desire to be nice to me before
now come on and crap on me some more!

Matthewthebig

i saw a cow
i bowed
why oh why my gerbil
monkeys feast on bananas
why oh why my gerbil

thank you ladles and jellyspoons

funky penguin

Balls of Faeces!

Thundering like a subway train!

cordelia

I fell for you
hook line and sinker.
You broke my heart
You cheap little stinker

Chizzle chizzle boom boom
Have we got enough room
Biss boom bass
kiss my pretty...
astoroids fall
down from the sky.
I look at them and I ask myself
"why?"

Why no grammer?
Why no clause?
Why the brushing
without the floss?

Ah yes, my true love
My snooky pooky ooky one.
You are the yarn to my glove
The one that I love
Rub a dub rub a dub
The yellow Ducky say..............

Cool, roiysh?

Grrrooooovvvvveeeeyyyy, man.

funky penguin

cordelia wrote:

.......Chizzle chizzle boom boom......

.......My snooky pooky ooky one.

fowl, rofle and lol!

Giblet

"Oh freddled gruntbuggly... thy micturations are to me, As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.



Grop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.



And booptiously drangle me with crinckly binddlewurdles, Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I dont!"

pwd

that's very good actually. can i hear some more
ha ha you fool the fifth word in the second verse will enable me to steal your atomic vector plotter
loook
loook
look
smell
smell scent
it has a ford prefecty smell

zod

Giblet wrote:

"Oh freddled gruntbuggly... thy micturations are to me, As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Grop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.
And booptiously drangle me with crinckly binddlewurdles, Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I dont!"

hhgttg ?

amp

Giblet wrote:

"Oh freddled gruntbuggly... thy micturations are to me, As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.



Grop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.



And booptiously drangle me with crinckly binddlewurdles, Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I dont!"

Actually, I quite enjoyed it.

amp

I wandered lonely as a cloud,
And pissed on people.

Glipmac

there was a young man from gosham
who took out his boll0cks to wash'em
his wife said jack
if you don't put them back
i'm gonna jump on the ba$tards and squash'em
==================================
There was a young man from Darjeeling,
Who got on a bus bound for Ealing;
It said at the door:
`Don't spit on the floor.'
So he carefully spat on the ceiling.
==================================
There was a man called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a sh1t
But think of the money I save".
==================================
There was a young fellow named perkin
Who was always jerkin his gherkin
His father said perkin
Stop jerkin your gherkin
Your gherkins fer ferkin not jerkin
==================================
There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.

MistressPandora

amp wrote:

I wandered lonely as a cloud,
And pissed on people.

I drink a cup of soup
As I read through the cuckoo's nest.
Amp's post made me laugh so much,
That now...
My screen is splattered with tomato soup.
With added crutons.

OH! THE INHUMANITY!

Thank you, thank you, I'm usually hanging around in a dark mystic void somewhere.

meditraitor

Ode to a Goldfish

My
Wet
Pet

amp

Glipmac wrote:

there was a young man from gosham
who took out his boll0cks to wash'em
his wife said jack
if you don't put them back
i'm gonna jump on the ba$tards and squash'em
==================================
There was a young man from Darjeeling,
Who got on a bus bound for Ealing;
It said at the door:
`Don't spit on the floor.'
So he carefully spat on the ceiling.
==================================
There was a man called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a sh1t
But think of the money I save".
==================================
There was a young fellow named perkin
Who was always jerkin his gherkin
His father said perkin
Stop jerkin your gherkin
Your gherkins fer ferkin not jerkin
==================================
There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.

Glipmac did post in great haste,
But all he did was copy and paste,
I'm apathetic
This poem is pathetic
But it's better than copying and pasting you retard.

pwd

amp wrote:

Glipmac did post in great haste,
But all he did was copy and paste,
I'm apathetic
This poem is pathetic
But it's better than copying and pasting you retard.

oi less of that
week's ban

Gordon

I. Feel. Like.
Chicken Tonight.
Like.
Chicken Tonight.
Like.
Chicken Tonight.

Einstein

Marshmallows are quite soft and fluffy,
almost like a newly born puppy
but no balls has my dog,
so no chance of a sprog,
now humping cushions are driving him nutty...

Giblet

I'm actually going to murder you.

Chad ghostal

Bannan on my table
he's not part of a fable
hes not married to mable
he does not watch cable
but hes more than able

funky penguin

Life can be tough,
But so is rubber.

Lessons in poem;
Don't eat rubber or life.

funky penguin

Giblet wrote:

Grop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.

Thats quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever read.

mike65

Giblet wrote:

"Oh freddled gruntbuggly... thy micturations are to me, As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.



Grop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.



And booptiously drangle me with crinckly binddlewurdles, Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I dont!"

Vogan poetry. Overrated frankly.

I prefer the sparse and singular "Baldrick" style

"The German Guns"

"Boom, boom, boom, boom,
Boom, boom, boom,
Boom, boom, boom, boom"

Mike.

funky penguin

Do you happen to remember the one about the sausage?

mike65

"Once upon a time, there was a lovely little sausage called Baldrick, and it lived happily ever after"

Mike.

amp

Unearthly tones do exhume without,
And careful shedlike bird in stout,
Mothlike hardened yet breeding doubt,
And bees.

pwd

boards dot eye eee
i look at it when i'm bored and to see
if there's anything on it and instead of tv
cos I can't afford cable tv
cos someone stole money from me
and cos I'm too lazy
to work when i could be
looking at boards dot
i
e

amp

Lunacy Abounds! GLm! What's your Ethos?.
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\:eek:- Support Santa Strike Force! "You were so good you used all my bandwith." - Shabadu

Matthewthebig

cheese

cabbages

i love you all

Glipmac

amp wrote:

Glipmac did post in great haste,
But all he did was copy and paste,
I'm apathetic
This poem is pathetic
But it's better than copying and pasting you retard.

A continuation from this post

Retarded maybe, but Twat i do see
when writing this verse,
the rhyming's a curse :mad:
but still, all poems from people i know :rolleyes:
i thought i would post it and give you a show
if you still think, this whole thing is a farse :eek:
you can go kiss, my fat f**in' arse :mad:
and you dont have to read it no more...

not directed at any one in particular

I know i am not the best poet in the world but hay i gave it a go...

DonkeyStyle \o/

I was walkin' down the lane and I felt a sudden pain, diarrhoea, diarrhoea.
and so on and so forth tbh

Glipmac

Walkin' round the garden *Pwrpt* i beg my pardon
its big and brown i cant sit down

now i'm in the kitchen my bum is realy ichin'
its big and brown i cant sit down

Cannot remember the rest...

funky penguin

Life...!

.

...


....


.....





........








*Clicky fingers*

amp

Don't talk to me about life
Said Marvin
*swish*

Glipmac

9...10...a big fat hen... the names Bender

Rozabeez

*ahem*


I like my dad
Except when he is mad
because then he makes me sad
but I am glad
that he's my dad.

amp

Yo!
I be rappin and chillin
and ballin and grippin
and flying the griffin
TO KALIMDOR!

In about 10 minutes.

koneko

Moon
In the pie
Where is it gone?
I don't know
I could do haiku
but I forget
how

the end.

Winters

*clicks fingers*

grimsbymatt

Between my fumblings in the night,
I realise the Crabman's plight,
He waves his claw, the bird takes flight,
Between my fumblings in the night.

[tbc]

Matthewthebig

bka
bka
bka
k a b

Dr.Feelgood

There are four puddles,
Each puddle has four ears
Each ear has one drum
To which they play
A sixteen beat song
using three drum sticks each
Are you inside out or
Upside down
When the people look
I ask
How many Kilometres is it to the nearest afternoon
I hear people talking about
sambuca
when really all i am is a puddle trying to play my drum
to make sixteen beats in time with the three others
with my three drum sticks
Oh my i fell over
The fan that rattles blows the hardest
I speak the truth




Dedicated to the tallest & the smallest Giraffes in the whole world,
i love you guys

*tears*

Sarky

I couldn't
Be arsed coming up
With something
Creative,

So I used this format
To disguise
The fact that I'm just writing
Any old sh*t.

Matthewthebig

the cat is hungry
tick
the mouse runs
tock
cheese
cuckoo

Geranium

Empty spaces
Silent stares
A man caught ****
Unawares.