Should we still be friends?

LegacyUser

Basically the other night , i was out with the girl i've been seeing for the last two weeks. We started out as great friends and got very close over the last two weeks. Everyone thought we were boyf/girlf and that was fine with me cos i really liked this girl.

We went out on Friday night with friends. Everyone was having a great night and i went for a drink. When i came back couldn't find girlf. A few mins later a friend brings me up the stairs and she was there with someone else. My heart sank, when confronted she just looked pissed for getting caught. She even took him home and when i got there told me to leave.

That was one of the worst feelings i have ever had. Especially when everything was going so well. The next day she called round and apologised, saying she still wants to be friends! I just want to ask anyone interested if it would be possible to be friends with someone u can't even trust?

Dave

So a girl that everyone thought was your girlfriend, but actually wasn't, was with someone else. And because everyone else thought that she was your girlfriend you did too? I think some wires were crossed there, and she has no interest in you. Sorry.

Nala

Yeah, I think you had your wires crossed. You should always make sure you're officially boyfriend and girlfriend, not just "seeing each other" etc.

Gordon

Did you go to her place afterwards which is when she told you to leave?

Lafortezza

guestforaday wrote:

She even took him home and when i got there told me to leave.

Yeah, what's this bit about?

goin'_to_the_PS

i think you need to let it go but, but its most likely that things will never be the same again with you and her

Tar.Aldarion

i hate the friend/gf thing so confusing....

OfflerCrocGod

She is your friend and she did nothing to change that.

Kevin_rc_ie

yeah someone's been living in the land of make beleive i think.

Maybe if you explain you want to be bf and gf rather than friends you'll make some progress.

WhiteWashMan

guestforaday wrote:

She even took him home and when i got there told me to leave.

say what now?

you went around to her house in the middle of the night? when she was screwing some guy?

what were you thinking?

and what did she apologise for?

questions questions.

LegacyUser

To clear up, we were seeing each other for two weeks, everyone knew and she was with me for the whole night up until she went off with some other fella. I was on the phone to one of her flatmates later on to let off steam to him over a drink. when i phoned him, she answered his phone. I saw red and walked into the lounge where she and d*ck were sitting together on the couch. She told me to leave , i said somethings i shouldn't and hit your man. In fairness he didn't know.

I just want to clear this up. Would no one else feel pretty low that someone u care about,get on with so well and are seeing, could toatally dismiss u. I think it was one of the lowest things i have have heard anyone do. She had a couple of chances to stop or apologose that night, but she let your man stay. She says she wants to be friends and i want to know other people's opinions, should i even bother or not?

Victor

Dude, you sound needy, us needy blokes don't get any. Women can smell the need.

You've blown it.

tba

guestforaday wrote:

want to clear this up. Would no one else feel pretty low that someone u care about,get on with so well and are seeing, could toatally dismiss u.

you hit someone she invited back to her house (correct?). You took the wrong option mate.

Con9903

Victor wrote:

Dude, you sound needy, us needy blokes don't get any. Women can smell the need.

You've blown it.

agreed, you have to fend for yourself.
Aye try and remain friends with her, she did nothing wrong. You let your mind and the rumours get the better of you and made you think there was something between ye.

Kevin_rc_ie

I'm still confussed. did you or did you not bang her on a consective basis. If you did, you've a reason to be angry with her. if you didn't, you're obviously the nerdy male sidekick girls have, but have no intentions of sleeping with.

nesf

guestforaday wrote:

I just want to clear this up. Would no one else feel pretty low that someone u care about,get on with so well and are seeing, could toatally dismiss u. I think it was one of the lowest things i have have heard anyone do. She had a couple of chances to stop or apologose that night, but she let your man stay. She says she wants to be friends and i want to know other people's opinions, should i even bother or not?

Eh. You did what now?

She says she wants to be friends after you went to her place and hit a guy she pulled.

She must have a high tolerance level.

You were "with her for 2 weeks". What would have done if it was an actual relationship and you'd been with her for a few months? Killed the guy? :rolleyes:

Get over yourself and be ****ing glad she's willing to be friends with you. If you are older than 15 you have some major maturity issues to deal with before getting involved with other people.

If I was you I'd apologise for hitting the guy and get over her. So she wasn't "faithful" after 2 weeks of being together. Big deal, it's not like it was a major commitment or anything.

LegacyUser

I was sleeping with the girl for the last two weeks and she scores someone in front of me after being with me for the whole night up to that point. Sorry don't see how i was the bad guy.

TerrorFirmer

As much as I think you also have your wires crossed here, I can understand how you felt. I've been there, as have loads others here I'm sure.

Hitting the guy was not smart but in fairness its a primal thing to lash out in said situation in alot of males (myself included )

Talk to her, maybe just apologise and say you were just somewhat perplexed to see her with someone else as you have feelings for her.

Nobody wants to make an ass out of themselves but at least once you know what the final word is, you can start to work on whatever way it goes.

Best of luck in any case.

chump

bit confused still, can you clear some things up..
so you were "with" (as in seeing/kissing) each other for two weeks up to and including that night? but you weren't "officially" boyfriend and girlfriend?

Taking that as the case, my next question is...
When you say you were "with" her that night you mean you were kissing her and were there "together"?

If this is so, and then she went off and scored some other lad, and brought him home, that's bad form, your pain is felt, and you're right, she is a bitch.

If on the other hand you knew her a bit for 2 weeks, were getting on well, maybe kissed once or twice, and while you may have gone with each other that night, you's didn't actually "be with" each other, it's still a bit **** on her part, but more in that she didn't clear up where ye as a couple were at, more than she illacted and while I do feel your pain, it is a shame, but it was her game.


I decided just to ramble on there at the end instead of constructing logical sentences.

senordingdong

guestforaday wrote:

i said somethings i shouldn't and hit your man. In fairness he didn't know.

I think you should have hit her, slag.

Crossed wires or not, she shouldn't have led you on* like that, and then treated you like that.

In closing I don't think you should openly try and be friends with her, I'd wait for her next move and work it from there.

*(your account of what happened indicates that she led you on)

Victor

senordingdong wrote:

I think you should have hit her, slag.

Why? had she hit him?

What makes her out to be a slag?

senordingdong

O.k. slag may be a harsh word but as I said/believe, she led him on, then treated him like crap.

KnowItAll

senordingdong wrote:

O.k. slag may be a harsh word but as I said/believe, she led him on, then treated him like crap.

I think she is a slag to do that.

What you should do when she asks do you want to be friends is say yes and do not make a big deal of it. Act as if you don't really care (she's not worth caring about I think). You should forget about her as a girlfriend and concentrate on finding someone else. This will make you seem less needy (girls avoid needy guys at all costs!) and more appealing to her. You may find someone else and forget about her all togethar ( while remaining friends of course) which she wouldn't like as girls love attention. Good luck!

Kevin_rc_ie

I think you should have hit her, slag.

Crossed wires or not, she shouldn't have led you on* like that, and then treated you like that.

In closing I don't think you should openly try and be friends with her, I'd wait for her next move and work it from there.

i disagree with everything he said.

I recommend you cop the fook on and get over her. You only were going out 2 weeks. Correct me if I'm wrong

You going out with a girl.
You're sleeping with her.
You've not made commitments to each other but you take for granted there's some kind of fidelity there.
She meets another guy in front of you. Takes him home.
You follow her back to her house.
You assault him in her front room.
She asks you to leave.
You leave.

I don't see an argument for presuing a relationship with her. Even if you like her, she hardly likes you.

senordingdong

Then why did she go to him the next day, apologising?
Because she knew she was in the wrong, if it were any other way she would have come to his house, shouting and cursing his name, demanding that he apologise.

Think about it.

Third_Echelon

Should you still be friends? HELL NO!

Kick that heartless cow to touch and tell her to go fsck herself.

You were obviously at the start of something with this girl and then she goes and shags some other guy at the same party you were at, knowing full well that you'd probably find out...

This my friend is the work of one callous and evil b1tch.

Do not be her friend.... If she didn't want to be with you anymore, she could have had the balls to tell you to your face, not in the callous and probably calculated way that she did. Friends don't do that to each other.

Shape up and ship out and forget about this one..... Better luck next time dude....

simu

Well, she sounds like the interesting, freewheeling type anyone would like to have as a friend. And you might be the guy she scores with to piss off her next bf so go for it if you can handle that sort of thing. However, you should try to learn how to restrain your anger or you might regret it someday.

Lexmark.Printer

She was using you as a fu(k buddy!

Still stay friends with her, I don't think she did anything wrong. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

mayordenis

Here buddy in my opinion you did nothing wrong,
When it is something thats going on for a prolongued period of time then she should clear up that there really isnt something between ye even if it was nothing more than casual.
Its a disgraceful way for her to act, devoid of tact and manners.
Hitting the fella on the other hand was a mistake he did nothing.

WhiteWashMan

guestforaday wrote:

To clear up, we were seeing each other for two weeks, everyone knew and she was with me for the whole night up until she went off with some other fella. I was on the phone to one of her flatmates later on to let off steam to him over a drink. when i phoned him, she answered his phone. I saw red and walked into the lounge where she and d*ck were sitting together on the couch. She told me to leave , i said somethings i shouldn't and hit your man. In fairness he didn't know.

I just want to clear this up. Would no one else feel pretty low that someone u care about,get on with so well and are seeing, could toatally dismiss u. I think it was one of the lowest things i have have heard anyone do. She had a couple of chances to stop or apologose that night, but she let your man stay. She says she wants to be friends and i want to know other people's opinions, should i even bother or not?

thats a lot different that n the original version.

it makes me wonder what else happened that you are not talking about.

however, at the end of the day, you smacked some bloke, and that makes you a twat in my book. no matter what has transpired, you lost any moral high ground you had.

you may have been with this girl, however, if you were, why didnt you mention it in the first place? because i think you are trying to convince us that really you had a right, thats what i think.

listen, regardless of whether you were sleeping with her, holding hands with her, or just swapping secrets, the girl has gone off with someone else.

she may be an awful person for it, and she may be a hundred other things, but you have to see this as not a very good sign for you.
regardless of how much of a heartless person she is, regardless fo waht you were to each other and she went off with someone else, the fact is she did.

by the way, when you say 'everyone knew', everyone knew what exactly?
you sound like a bunch of students tbh. hell, ive been in your situation, and ive been in her situation, and you know wht, ive even been in the other blokes situation.

yeah, it sucks, and it makes you feel crappy, but al. you do is pick yourself up and get on with it.
stop hanging around pining like a lost puppy. youll get treated by crap by people, and you will eba miserable batsard. look at victor. thats waht happened to him many eyars ago, and hes still miserable.

should she apologise to you? maybe, we dont know the ins and outs quite frankly, and we probably dont care.

you want the truth...


dont bother.
shes at a stage where shes having fun. she obviously doesnt want t along term relationship, shes enjoying herself. you should be too. in fact, why dontyou go and shag the bloke she brought home, see how she likes it....

BossArky

What age are the two of you?

You shouldn't hit someone really.

Perhaps stay in touch or be minor friends but don't be fooled into anything or ever invest any emotion into this female again.

Kell

WhiteWashMan wrote:

stop hanging around pining like a lost puppy. youll get treated by crap by people, and you will eba miserable batsard.

Too twue. Matey, if you want to decide to remain friends, lose the perception as to how you think things "should" be as opposed to what they are. Stripping away romantic notions of people in favour of the realistic notion is a hard lesson but worth it in the end.

Based on your posts, I dont think you can handle remaining friends so long as you are holding onto the notion that she "should" behave in a certain way around you.

You could of course shag someone else in front of her to test how she would feel in same circumstance or you could Typedef her sister- twice and then wipe your cóck in her curtains. Only if you feel bitter though.

K-

ADUB?

I agree with wwm, nicely put.

To OP what she did was wrong, if she didnt want to be with you, she should of told you, before doing what she did and stringing you along, its correct to say she is 101 things (ie B*tch Sl*g etc)

But you take the biscuit!
You hit a guy for what scoring her? She did wrong but you decided in your wisdom to stoop lower than her.

Why did you go around that night, needed a picture? What the hell did you think they'd be doing?

Why do you want to be friends with her, have some pride ffs. Just tell her to F*ck off and then remember to think before you act in future.

~Rebel~

similer-esq thing happened to me last year, was half with someone (scoring, riding) for bout a month last year then one day met up in the pub after about a week of no activity and was all good, then she asked me to borrow my phone to put her sim card into, which was grand, gave it to her and then she explains "just wanna tell my new boyfriend we're in here as he's finished work soon". i finished my pint, said good day and stayed the fúck away from her after that.

Don't bother being friends with this chick, hard to put these things behind u and be all buddy buddy (and really does'nt sound like your ready for that) so just say fúck her and move on a wiser man. Oh and poor form on hitting the guy - most innocent man ever!

Santa Claus

It seems she was practising that great ability women have, which is to f*ck with your mind.
I think your read more into the "relationship" you guys had than was actually there, hell it's happened to us all at some stage.

You obviously have feelings for her or you wouldn't have hit the guy she scored so I'd imagine staying friends is just leaving yourself open for more pain next time she cops off with some random stranger in your presence !

Slightly off-topic, I'm amazed nobody has raised the issue of typedef'ing her sister as a form of payback !

Kell

Santa Claus wrote:

I'm amazed nobody has raised the issue of typedef'ing her sister as a form of payback !

Thats because its a perfectly acceptable way to visit revenge dont you know.

K-

WhiteWashMan

Santa Claus wrote:

Slightly off-topic, I'm amazed nobody has raised the issue of typedef'ing her sister as a form of payback !

actually, i meantioned it in the form of shagging the guy, but i dont feel the need to use the term 'typedef'.
its pretty much assumed now

~Rebel~

have to ask... "typedef"?

Beruthiel

~Rebel~ wrote:

have to ask... "typedef"?

IF
you had read the forum charter, you would have found the explaination there....

now
back on topic....

uberwolf

Original question - should we still be friends? Ans. Why bother? TBH you've gone past the point where you will be able to chat casually with her about anything.

I don't think you spend 2 years building upto a 'relationship' without having some expectation that maybe she won't shag some other guy infront of you. Twas her perogative I guess, but it would piss me off and demonstrates a lack of respect on her part - this respect is why your friendship is up a creek.

Live, learn, typedef.

Kell

~Rebel~ wrote:

have to ask... "typedef"?

Previous active member of boards whose dry humored answer to just about everything was to shag some poor moany cúnts sister/girlfriend/mother.

K-

meditraitor

Cut her off dude, why would you want to be friends with her, she obviously has no respect for you.

BobTheBeat

not much to gain from staying in contact bro. Give her the proper Heave Ho, hopefully that guy shes with gives her a taste of her own bad actions. I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around.As should you in this situation.
Keep a stiff upper lip man

LegacyUser

Thank u all for comments. When i said i hit the bloke, it was just in frustration, but point taken it was a bad move. She wants to "talk" tomorrow about it and explain herself. We'll see , but i think some of the advice was right in so far as i'll never be able to just be casual friends and just have the craic with her.

And i didn't go round to the house to hit your man, I phoned her flatmate outside and she answered his phone. I didn't know she would be there. Also when i asked her why didn't she try and do anything when i caught her in the nightclub, she said i was too angry. Well she didn't have to take the guy home then.That was hardly the only option availibleto her

~Rebel~

bobmeaney wrote:

not much to gain from staying in contact bro. Give her the proper Heave Ho, hopefully that guy shes with gives her a taste of her own bad actions. I am a firm believer in what goes around comes around.As should you in this situation.
Keep a stiff upper lip man

I agree with bob's mentality here, also a firm believer of the whole karma thing, seen too many examples of it working out for it to be coincidence. For example not too long after what happened to me in the post i spoke of earlier (the similer incident to this one), i met the best most perfect for me girl ever and have been blissfully happy since!

[ps. cheers for explanation on typedef, had read charter but only opening section, didn't realise was more after the handy links part.]

Citizen Jake

guestforday wrote:

She wants to "talk" tomorrow about it and explain herself. We'll see ,

Absolutely no way. It's trouble. Been there before (didn't hit anyone though). There's too much tension between you guys now. Atmosphere. As well as this I sense you are still very wound up and still feel something for her. You'll talk and you'll still be keen and it'll happen all over again. She shouldn't have behaved the way she did (what was she thinking) and neither should you but it happened. She sounds like someone who will keep winding you up and no one will be happy, except her when she finds a guy she wants to keep around and you'll be left alone, and bitter. Steer clear, dust yourself off and be positive. You'll find the right girl if you live your life on your terms, not if you're going to be needy for someone who couldn't care less about you. And don't go hitting people out of frustration, cop yourself on or you could get charged for assault. She's not worth it.

chump

Yea you sound like you stll feel something for her, get a GRIP man

Really man, get a GRIP

Ruhan

OP, you don't think this thing will happen again?

Mate, you're not even second best.


If you go to talk, you're just letting yourself in for a world of pain.

And stop punching blokes who pull chicks in pubs. It's just not on.

LegacyUser

Hey Dude - forget about her. Have a little respect for yerself. Don't let her yank your chain. Let her wallow in her misery.

tinkerbell

The way the human mind works is just bewildering sometimes.

It seems to be usually the case that if someone cheats on their bf / gf (even if they are going out five days or five years), they will automatically blame the other person (as in the third person), when really, they should also be blaming their bf / gf as well, it does take two to tango.

I bring this up because it's obvious this is the case with the OP. The chick he was seeing, scored some other bloke, and so what does he do? He hits the bloke! The bloke had nothing to do with you. If you were pissed off, you should have just said it to your girl, rather than punching a guy who probably didn't even know you existed!

P.S.
Ooooh, I just realised, this is my 1000th post! Hehe, go me

Victor

WhiteWashMan wrote:

look at victor. thats waht happened to him many eyars ago, and hes still miserable.

Sometimes, just sometimes, it pays to read yesterday's threads. What are you on about?

Take it to PM.