Kerrymen Jokes

spudington16

Question: What do you call a Kerryman under a wheelbarrow?

Answer: A mechanic.

spudington16

Question: What's the definition of a dope peddlar?

Answer: A Kerryman on a bike.

spudington16

Two Kerrymen meet at a market, and one has a box of chickens.

"What have ye got there, Mick?" asks the first.

"A box of chickens," replies Mick. "In fact, I'll tell you what, Paddy. If you can guess how many I have I'll give you the both of them."

liamskater

i think we should make this a sticky thread.

what are the kerry mans latest inventions?

wheelchair with pedals
underwater hairdryer
helicopter with ejector seat
water-proof teabag
wet towel

shelsfan

Two Kerrymen meet at a market, and one has a box of chickens.

"What have ye got there, Mick?" asks the first.

"A box of chickens," replies Mick. "In fact, I'll tell you what, Paddy. If you can guess how many I have I'll give you the both of them."

There's a longer version:

Two Kerrymen meet at a market, and one has a box of chickens.

"What have ye got there, Mick?" asks the first.

"A box of chickens," replies Mick. "In fact, I'll tell you what, Paddy. If you can guess how many I have I'll give you the both of them."

"Three"

"Who told you?"

rugbug86

was the other kerryman joke thread not enough for ya?!!

spudington16

liamskater wrote:

i think we should make this a sticky thread.

what are the kerry mans latest inventions?

wheelchair with pedals
underwater hairdryer
helicopter with ejector seat
water-proof teabag
wet towel

Solar-powered torch.
Fire-proof matches.

tempest

spudington16 wrote:

Question: What do you call a Kerryman under a wheelbarrow?

Answer: A mechanic.

Question: What do you call a Kerryman under a wheelbarrow with a cigarette in his mouth?

Answer: A welder.

netwhizkid

There are 31 other counties in Ireland besides Kerry, pick on someother county, like Cork, the European Capital of agri-culture thats about as close they'll come to culture over there and they have to dig up all their new streets again :rolleyes:

Alothugh a new Kerry joke now is that its harder to build a sand castle than a house in Kerry thanks to our muppet dominated council.

Up the Kingdom !!

Regards netwhizkid

Capt'n Midnight

shelsfan wrote:

There's a longer version:

Two Kerrymen meet at a market, and one has a box of chickens.

"What have ye got there, Mick?" asks the first.

"A box of chickens," replies Mick. "In fact, I'll tell you what, Paddy. If you can guess how many I have I'll give you the both of them."

"Three"

"Sorry just the one."

(traditional , poachers)

liamskater

spudington16 wrote:

Solar-powered torch.
Fire-proof matches.

4got about the torch...

Capt'n Midnight

liamskater wrote:

i think we should make this a sticky thread.

what are the kerry mans latest inventions?

wheelchair with pedals
underwater hairdryer
helicopter with ejector seat
water-proof teabag
wet towel

You're forgetting non-stick glue.

BTW: the Russians do have helicopters with ejector seats and the Americans have some planes with downward ejecting seats.

Did you hear about the Kerry kamazi pilot ? - Both missions were successful.

muckwarrior

liamskater wrote:

what are the kerry mans latest inventions?

Inflatable Dart board is another one that comes to mind.

Did ya hear about the Kerry man that tried to go water sking?
He couldn't find a lake with a slope!

hardCopy

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

BTW: the Russians do have helicopters with ejector seats and the Americans have some planes with downward ejecting seats.

Solar powered torches have been around for years aswell
(Charge the solar battery during the day)

CHUCKLEZ

netwhizkid wrote:

There are 31 other counties in Ireland besides Kerry, pick on someother county, like Cork, the European Capital of agri-culture thats about as close they'll come to culture over there and they have to dig up all their new streets again :rolleyes:

Alothugh a new Kerry joke now is that its harder to build a sand castle than a house in Kerry thanks to our muppet dominated council.

Up the Kingdom !!

Regards netwhizkid

Leave Cork alone as the road to cork is the best thing that came out of kerry......Although the train would be faster.

CHUCKLEZ

But the best invention they have made is The GLASS HAMMER.

sgske

Did you hear about the kerry man who tried to do the river dance?
He drowned.

Did you hear about the kerry man tap dancer?
He fell down the sink.

How do you confuse a kerry man?
Put him in a round room and tell him theres a fiver in the corner.

How do you get a Kerryman to burn his face?
Phone him when he is doing the ironing.

What happened the Kerryman who was ironing the curtains?
He fell out the window.

How do you recognise a Kerryman on an oil rig?
He's the one throwing crusts of bread to the helicopters.

What is the kerry man's latest invention?
1. A silent alarm clock! (He won the NOBELL prize for it!!)
2. Second-hand toilet paper.
3. A peephole through a window.
4. Unsinkable Submarine

Balls Of Steel

a two seater jet crashed in a graveyard in kerry earlier to-day!!! kerry search and rescue dug up 148 bodies already, searching continues tomorrow

sgske

Balls Of Steel wrote:

a two seater jet crashed in a graveyard in kerry earlier to-day!!! kerry search and rescue dug up 148 bodies already, searching continues tomorrow

omg lol hahahahahahahaha
briliant!

PaulKK

CHUCKLEZ wrote:

But the best invention they have made is The GLASS HAMMER.

Don't forget the rubber nails to go with it.

JimboPope

Did you hear about the Kerry man who tried to build his own plane,
It ended with hilarious consequences.

full forward

Most of these jokes circulate as irish man jokes in the rest of the world.

We can take the mickey out of Kerry people till the cows come home except for football. When they play football they make the rest of us look like jokes. God save the Kingdom. 33 All Irelands and counting.

Q. What do you do when a Kerryman throws a pin at you?
A. RUN LIKE HELL he's got a grenade in his mouth.

Redhairedguy

Q. What do you call three kerrymen in a wheelbarrow?
A. Joyriders

Buttmunchy

I think you're all knuckle draggers. :rolleyes:

Egyptian

helicopter with ejector seat

Actually there is such a thing, but I don't think a Kerry Man invented it........


Have you heard about the Kerryman whose library burnt down?

Both books were destroyed, and worse still one hadn't even been coloured in yet!

vector

full forward I back at you>

Q. What do you do when a Kerryman throws grenade at you?
A. Pull out the pin and throw it back[/QUOTE]

fish fingers

wha you call a kerryman hangin off the ceiling??? shaun de lear. say it slowly. kerryman with six dicks? se o toole

Zoton

Another invention was the inflatable anchor.

dondonjordan

submarine with a sunroof


"To make it sporty loikee!!!"

Jaeger

PaulKK wrote:

Don't forget the rubber nails to go with it.

Skirtin ladder anyone?

Imposter

sgske wrote:

How do you confuse a kerry man?
Put him in a round room and tell him theres a fiver in the corner.

And similar...
How do you confuse a kerry man?
Put four shovels against the wall and tell him to take his pick.

(insert name)

Two Kerrymen meet one day.

"Did you know my wife had a baby, Mick?" says the first.

"really," replies Mick. "what is it?"

"Guess" says the first.

"A boy?" replies Mick.

"Nope"

"A girl?"

"Who told you"

cmcquaid

how do ya sink a kerry mans submarine?
knock on the door

Glipmac

How do you get a one-armed Kerryman out of a tree?

Wave

jezza

how does a kerry man clean his underpants?





hangs it on the line and beats the Sh!t out of it

excalibur__17

classic

excalibur__17

full forward wrote:

Most of these jokes circulate as irish man jokes in the rest of the world.

We can take the mickey out of Kerry people till the cows come home except for football. When they play football they make the rest of us look like jokes. God save the Kingdom. 33 All Irelands and counting.

Q. What do you do when a Kerryman throws a pin at you?
A. RUN LIKE HELL he's got a grenade in his mouth.

brilliant

dondonjordan

Two kerrymen are walking down Patrick street in cork when they see this guy holding the biggest salmon they had ever seen.
So they ask him: "Where did you get that fish?"
So the Cork guy tells them:"Well, my friend Tommy over there held me by the legs over a bridge and when I saw a fish pass by I grabbed it and asked Tommy to pull me up"
The Kerry men decide to take a sconze at it. So there is Paddy holding JO-JO by the legs over a bridge when JO-JO screams:
"Pull me up, pull me up quick!!!"
"Did you get a fish?"
"No the train is coming!!!"

spudington16

What do you call a Kerryman who bounces of the walls?

Rick O' Shea!