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WTF am i supose to do
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21-04-2005 11:14am#1
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hey. youre upset. understandably. and thats ok.
from your post, it looks like youa re being rational, trying to understand what is going on andyou are not being melodramatic. you have a head on your shoulders.
of course, inside that head, all sorts of things are running around.
but you know what, it seems like you guys have a good time, are good together.
the only thing that may be a problem, is that he hasnt had final closure on his ex. if it was his forst real love, it will take ages. and thats just first love.
i suspect his reasons for being upset and for shouting, are that he was frustrated. he probably knew straight off that he made a bit of a mistake, and being a guy, just got frustrated at not being able to articulate what he wanted to say (which is most likely along the lines of 'oh bugger, i made a mistake, im sorry')
i think you should sit down, tell him that yo understand, but that yo ulove him, you want to be with him, and to be truthful to himself and to you in what he is feeling./
he probably doesnt know what he wants right now. getting calls and keeping texts does not mean he loves her or wants her back. they may simply be his way of hanging onto something. nothing good, nothing bad, but just something he remembers, and it kind of keeps him stable.
he just needs to start exorsising those demons. ask him to delete the texts. he can talk to his ex if he wants, but make sure that if she is starting any 'oh i miss you' crap, then its a sharp foot up her arse from him.
but the truth is, you both come from bad relationships, you know what its like to be treated like crap, and you wont take it again. it will only make you guys stronger.
if you want to keep your man, just try and understand him. he will not want to talk, so just care for him, and he will come round.
actually, thats probably the best advice ever given to a woman when talking about a bloke.
if hes in a 'place' just care for him, hug hima dn tell him you love him. he doesnt need you solving his problems, digging info out of him or nagging. he just wants to think for himself. thats all it is
/off topic
so, what do you think?
do you think hes probably justa bit confused and frustrated?
and do you think you should find out what this chick wants first before running 17 different scenarios through your head? (and thats a woman thing to do!) 0 -
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well, when i gave up smoking, i dreamed of smoking all the time. but it was more becuase i was happy about not smoking, and i could deal with it, not because i wanted a smoke
i think you genuinely have little to worry about. you have a very honest and open relationship where you talk to each other and obviously care about each other.
what goes on in your own head is going to ahppen regardless, and its ok to worry. but just remember all the good things in your current relationship, and how there is nothing similar to the old one, or to his old one.0 -
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It sounds like you have the makings of a good relationship. It also sounds like you need a good injection of some self esteem. You do have a right to be annoyed with him for saving those texts, to be a little off put by his sharing his sexual dreams involving his ex with you. This doesn't mean that the world will collapse in on itself. It doesn't mean he's going to walk away forever. This is bothering you, otherwise why would you post it seeking advice and an area to vent?
He sounds like a good guy overall, a diamond in the rough so to speak. But if you don't let him know how you feel (albeit fairly and calmly, without the banshee nagging so many of us women tend towards after letting things build up) than you are doing a disservice to both him and your relationship.
If you would rather he work out what he needs to with the ex, then talk to him about this. Don't apologize for feeling the way you feel. Just DON'T try to tell him what to do, men never like that. However, most men appreciate a woman who's able to speak her mind in a respectful and sound way. It makes their lives SO much easier. Tell him you love him, but that you are uncomfortable with the intensity of all this vitriol passing between he and the ex. Suggest perhaps he needs to find some closure because it's starting to seep it's toxic way into your good thing.
Like I said, you CAN do this calmly, honestly, respectfully, lovingly. If you continue to act like all's fine, suppressing yourself, it will start to creep out in little ways. It always does.
And remember this: You are lucky to have him, yes, but he is also lucky to have you. Yes, he's the King, but you're the Queen, sister, and don't you forget it...
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My point wasn't about sentimental value. For example, I keep texts from my boyfriend that he has sent me, coz I like to read them Some of them are over two years old.
However! Why would you keep texts about a fight with your ex? That's just too strange, in my opinion. People usually keep texts for sentimental value, not coz there are harsh words in them.0 -
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well thats kinda what i did.
I told him that everything he did was great and that it makes me love him more everyday. and just knowing that he's here for me makes everything better. i told him that for a while i felt so scared that i might loose him. and this point he smiled held me close and told me not to be so silly!
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lol pickarooney
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Page, perhaps slightly off-topic, but you've obviously thought about this a lot...
Your bf said that they broke up for a reason and there's no chance of them getting back together. From a male perspective that has the ring of truth, were I you, I'd be pretty sure he's being honest there. Especially when he asks what he can do to make you feel better (you both sound amazingly mature for 20yr olds).
My question is could you bear him to remain friends with her, knowing what you do about his feeling for you? Because people break up for a reason does not mean that they cannot be friends (they may actually be better friends).
Interesting topic, and I'm glad things worked out for you.0 -
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