Childs diary

kaimera

*note >> I'm not a parent!! [thankfully not yet but one day ]
**note >> I'm gone well beyond the age of handwritten diary. I have a blog

anyway,

what is your views on reading your child diary?

do you read it? if so why?

curious is all.

GuanYin

My little cousin had her diary read by my rather over protective aunt and uncle when she was 15.

It was an awful thing to do and caused severe problems. She had typical healthy thoughts and fantasies for a teenager in the throes of puberty but they took these thoughts as intention to act and confonted her over them.

I don't think the relationship between them was ever the same again and I know at the time she felt more violated than you could imagine.

At the end of the day, its someones private thoughts, there is absolutely no excuse in the world for invading it and violating their trust.

The_Conductor

psi wrote:

At the end of the day, its someones private thoughts, there is absolutely no excuse in the world for invading it and violating their trust.

Have to agree 100% with psi

My diary was read as a child, and I was asked about several things I had written. As a result I refuse point blank to keep a diary- even an appointment diary for work purposes.

If a parent felt that they had to creep around behind their child's back and pry into their personal things- there is something seriously wrong with the relationship that parent has with their child.

While some people may get a voyeuristic thrill out of reading other people's diaries, I am appalled at the thought.

kaimera

I take that line too. I wouldn't read my kids diary.

but what if your child doesn't speak much to you >> the only way to know whats going on with him/her is to read the diary :: that was the counter argument put to me.

GuanYin

kaimera wrote:

but what if your child doesn't speak much to you >> the only way to know whats going on with him/her is to read the diary :: that was the counter argument put to me.

Ermm... there are plenty of ways to deal with the situation, therapy and councellors and such.

kaimera

psi wrote:

Ermm... there are plenty of ways to deal with the situation, therapy and councellors and such.

amm...seems a tad excessive tbh psi. i dont think the problem is *that* bad.

*Angel*

It shouldn't be read, I'm 17 and I don't keep a diary because of the sheer dread of anyone reading it, I would like to so as to clarify my thoughts but I just couldn't stand if my personal thoughts were shared with someone else.

GuanYin

kaimera wrote:

amm...seems a tad excessive tbh psi. i dont think the problem is *that* bad.

And readinga diary isn't?

If its simply poor communication then i'd suggest more effort.

simu

I'd only do it in an extreme case such as if a child had run away from home and I was looking for clues as to where they had gone.

Also, diaries tend to blend realism and fantasy so a teenager writing about something shocking doesn't necessarily mean they're going off the rails.

Far easier just to talk to a kid and watch out for strange behaviour!

stagolee

when i grew up i had no real way to write down any privte thoughts as my mother was a praticularly nosey person and would root through my room when i wasnt in.
i wouldnt advise reading a childs diary in anything but the most exeptional of circumstances like those mentioned by simu as even kids need some semblance of privacy somewhere in their life and to be honest if you read your kids diary theyre likley to resent you for it till they grow up.

Rozabeez

Never EVER read your child's diary...they'll never trust you again.

gubby

ah but... all of this is assuming they found out that you read their diary..
I have never read a diary.. but must admit once to reading a part of a letter my daughter left on her bed.. in full view. it was from her boyfriend at the time. The first line (as far as I got) read
"darling, I am so proud of you for giving up the ciggies"
needless to mention I didnt know she had even started smoking. We TALKED about it.. she was mad at me for reading her letter.. I was mad at her for smoking. So we agreed that we were quits.
btw we had/have a brilliant relationship after that

marshmallow

if you read it, a trust will be broken

Hobbes

marshmallow wrote:

if you read it, a trust will be broken

If they know.

If your kids smart they will develop a code language (I did) or write stuff to manipulate the parents ("Mummy doesn't love me as she won't get me a PSP").

Nevyn

It is an invasion, and you need to repsect your child but if there was an issue I would read it but I'd ensure they would not know and find devious and sublte ways of getting a message across rather then being in thier face about it.

stevenotroney

im a divorced father and my kids are my life these days sure ive got friends and stuff but the only people i love now are my two little girls aged 15 and 17,
i feel guilty saying this but i often read both of their diaries - i know where they hide them from cleaning their bedrooms and now im addicted.
when i read the diaries i feel proud of my kids they have interesting and full lives - their diaries are better than any novels ive ever read
reading them also gives me a heads up on when they are going through problems that they feel uncomfortable discussing, this allows me to deal with these issues carefully
since i started reading the diaries ive grown much closer to my daughters so i find it hard to see this as a problem

Eoghan-psych

gubby wrote:

ah but... all of this is assuming they found out that you read their diary..

Using that same logic it was fine and dandy for your kid to smoke and you had no basis for being mad.

Any moral position that includes "it's ok when *I* do it" is at best flawed.

*Page*

Its wrong to read your childs diary!

my father did it to both me and my sister when we where growing up..
i can understand why he did it but its still wrong!! even more so he searched my room recently and read my diary, then questioned me on the content!!!!!

i still have no forgiven him. its evasion of privacy!!


*ps my father has also read documents (leters to and from my partner) found items ,photo's ect from my relationship with my partner.(hiden so well he needed to physicaly take a wardrobe apart!!!)

now wants to question my partner about what his intentions are!!

by the way i'm 22

Sangre

If a child finds out you have read their diary you'll never had the same relationship. My God, its like raping their thoughts and dreams.
Reading a diary is a lazy parents way of raising kids.

Rozabeez

stevenotroney wrote:

im a divorced father and my kids are my life these days sure ive got friends and stuff but the only people i love now are my two little girls aged 15 and 17,
i feel guilty saying this but i often read both of their diaries - i know where they hide them from cleaning their bedrooms and now im addicted.
when i read the diaries i feel proud of my kids they have interesting and full lives - their diaries are better than any novels ive ever read
reading them also gives me a heads up on when they are going through problems that they feel uncomfortable discussing, this allows me to deal with these issues carefully
since i started reading the diaries ive grown much closer to my daughters so i find it hard to see this as a problem

But you can live with the fact that if your kids find out, they could nearly hate you?! What kind of a parent does that? My mother read my diary once and came to me to apologise, it was during a really tough time for me and she though I had left it out for her to read, since I was finding it so hard to talk to her. Even in a case like mine I lost my trust in her for a long long time and I still feel hurt that she invaded my privacy.

gubby

Im sorry I am with you on this steven.. and its not a lazy way of rearing kids. the thing is not to let them know you read it. Ever!!!
Now having said that.. as they get older I wouldnt dream of reading their diary. My daughter lives at home with us and she has a little girl. She is 25 I would not dream of reading her diary.. right eilish ( she reads this)
:rolleyes:

ether

Its an invasion of your childs privacy, anyway you might read something you don't want to read - underage sex, drinking etc. Damn it now you will read it.

Eoghan-psych

gubby wrote:

Im sorry I am with you on this steven.. and its not a lazy way of rearing kids. the thing is not to let them know you read it. Ever!!!

What? What? What?

Something which is wrong becomes ok if nobody finds out?


Is that *really* the example you want to set your kids - do what you like, just don't let anyone find out?

Sangre

gubby wrote:

Im sorry I am with you on this steven.. and its not a lazy way of rearing kids. the thing is not to let them know you read it. Ever!!!
Now having said that.. as they get older I wouldnt dream of reading their diary. My daughter lives at home with us and she has a little girl. She is 25 I would not dream of reading her diary.. right eilish ( she reads this)
:rolleyes:

Worst. Parent. Ever.

StupidLikeAFox

stevenotroney wrote:

im a divorced father and my kids are my life these days sure ive got friends and stuff but the only people i love now are my two little girls aged 15 and 17,
i feel guilty saying this but i often read both of their diaries - i know where they hide them from cleaning their bedrooms and now im addicted.
when i read the diaries i feel proud of my kids they have interesting and full lives - their diaries are better than any novels ive ever read
reading them also gives me a heads up on when they are going through problems that they feel uncomfortable discussing, this allows me to deal with these issues carefully
since i started reading the diaries ive grown much closer to my daughters so i find it hard to see this as a problem

So what happens when you come across a page someday and says, ''i had wild passionate sex with 5 hot guys today'' or something like that. There are some things you wont want to know, and this could be a very double edged sword

Pet

God, even if the child never finds out, it's still a horrible thing to do. Teenagers need space from their parents, and I'm sure those parents might feel cut off, but that's no excuse to stick your nose in. I know that if I had a diary, my family would probably read it, so I don't keep one.

Stark

I've that Family Guy sketch in my head right now where Meg's diary is bedtime reading for the family.

MidnightQueen

I kept a handwritten diary up till when i was 15, until the day my mother read it. She told me she read it and i was mortified!! I said to myself never again! I see it as an invasion of privacy because everything personal to me at the time was written in that diary, some of which i didnt want my mum to know about.

unkel

I feel it is an awful thing to do to read your child's diary. Selfish, nosey parker, perv even

Their diary is an extension of their innermost thoughts. It is private! As in opening someone else's letters, it is or should be illegal