Life is looking good :)

nesf

There seems to be a positive thing going on at the moment so I thought I'd add my good news to it

I don't hide the fact that I suffer from depression, I pimp depression help sites in my sig ffs! But I am really glad to be able to say that I've been in the recovery phase for the past 2 and half months. I have energy, focus and interest in life again and I'm feeling better than I have in years!

I've sorted quite a bit of my life out, and it looks like I might be just a few weeks off changing profession into a field that I really want to work in! Yes there will probably be a pay cut, but I'm really psyched about it, especially about the fact that I'm actually managing to get stuff done!! I'm writing again, going out more socially, enjoying myself when I am out and basically no longer am unable to feel any emotions. It has been almost a bit too much over to adjust to! I spent the past 3 and half years in one particularily bad depression, and it was only a 3 month gap from that back to another depression that had lasted for 2 years!

But I wasn't getting any treatment back then, and I was not in a good way. Thats why I'm more optimistic about a longer term recovery this time!

It is quite strange to have such a zest for life after having no interest in it for so long. It feels very unusual to have energy that isn't twitchy nervous energy. I spent most of the past 3 years unable to feel anything but negative emotions. People who knew me well would often comment that I never smiled, or never looked happy except as almost a knee jerk reaction to humour where it seemed like I was reacting that way purely out of habit rather than actual enjoyment. It is so strange to feel optimisim and being happy. I haven't felt like this since I was very young. I've had to spend most of my adult life without happiness and without good emotions. I was a shell of a person really in a lot of ways.

As a message to anyone with depression out there.

I hit rock bottom and had a nervous breakdown and assorted badness just over 2 years ago. I was suicidal, self abusive, paranoid and delusional. It was the worst point in my life without any exception. I was crippled by depression, unable to actually engage with anybody. I pushed everybody who was close to me or cared for me away from me and curled up into a self-hating little ball and ignored the world. I have never been as alone as I was then.

But I did something about it. I went to a GP and admitted that I needed help. I started therapy sessions again and started working with a new psychiatrist towards a recovery. In the past 2 years, I've gone through 8 therapists, and 3 psychiatrists. But I finally found a psychiatrist that suited me 9 months ago. I've been heavily dosed with drugs, suffered many many side effects to them and generally have spent the past 9 months working as hard as I could towards some form of recovery. This wasn't easy, but I'd hit rock bottom, and there was no way I was ever going back there again. Genuinely feeling that you don't really exist, that you are totally alone, that you don't deserve to live and that you should kill yourself is most definitely not a good feeling. It is something that I never want to feel again. Ever. So I made the effort to change.

Some people leave their depression eat them up inside. They try to ignore it and hope it will go away. I've seen this in my family. My grandfather never worked a day in his life, he never even tried to get over his depression. Half my aunts and one of my uncles turned to the drink as a relief to the deadness they felt inside and they are now alcoholics living off the dole and in a pitiable state.

You need to work hard to get over depression. It is not something that heals itself. You need to help yourself. Yes the drugs help you to deal with it but they most definitely do not cure it. They can only take the edge off the depression so you can get on with your life and start helping and healing yourself. No one but you can do this. You have to want to be better, you have to need to help yourself. It's so easy to just give up and just accept the **** quality of life that comes with depression. But that shouldn't be an option to you! There is nothing stopping you helping yourself and healing. It does take a long time in some cases, I've been "on the mend" for over 2 years! There were times where I almost gave up, where I almost stopped trying. But I didn't, and now I can say that I've done something that I can be proud of. I got myself out of a very deep depression that nearly killed me. It might have taken me a long time but I got there.

Any of you who are dealing with depression, please feel free to PM or email me. I am more than happy to listen or advise anybody with it, or to just be a listner for your rants.

Thank you all for reading this, and thank you too for helping out and giving me an outlet and contact with people these past 4 years. It really does mean alot to me

the_syco

nesf wrote:

Yes there will probably be a pay cut, but I'm really psyched about it, especially about the fact that I'm actually managing to get stuff done!!

Once you can pay your bills, and enjoy it, go for it. Good luck, and have fun.

dudara

Nesf, I wish you the very best of luck

cousin_borat

I'd like to echo those sentiments, good luck and I'm sure that post will help alot of people who currently have similar problems.

good on you

Lex_Diamonds

nesf rocks my world. WOOO! GO NESF, GO!

Mrs.Babalady

Way to go Nesf !
Fair play to you & long may it last.

Keyzer

This is by far the best post I have ever read on boards...
Fair play to you man....

dundealgan

Good on you, best of luck with everything. Your post will hopefully be inspirational in helping others on the road to recovery!

tman

i'm chuffed for you nesf
starting a new job in a field that you actually want to work in must be a great feeling.

i've been through some ups and downs recently but have managed to keep a positive outlook (apart from one of the darkest weeks of my life, after a ****ing doc convinced me that i had skin cancer during a routine medical :mad: )

but **** it, every man has to go through hell to reach his paradise...

Zombienosh

Hey man,
I'm glad to hear that! I myself have been in a similiar position and my lifes slowly getting better, you bring hope to the masses.

OY

Excellent post. Congradulations.
Some nice words in there.

Sarky

Glad to hear it, my friend.

nesf

Cheers guys

SouperComputer

its people like this kids should look up to, not fookin popstarz!

dearg_doom

Good stuff, nesf! Always great to hear about the happy endings:)

DeVore

Take the pay cut, do what you want to do with your life and you'll never work a day. Fair dues mate, seems like you've got some friends round here too

DeV.

DonkeyStyle \o/

Nice to hear some positive stories, I sometimes wish the 6 O'clock news was more like this... give us all some hope, that maybe we're not all as doomed as we sometimes think we are.
Best of luck nesf.

weemcd

Refreshing and uplifting to read that post, glad to see you came back from the depression as it is the end of some people. But you are obviously stronger than that and i think its great to hear about someone overcoming depression rather than the tragic stories you tend to hear.

All the best with everything, and i hope you will enjoy life and your new career.