Dump or not to dump

Floopy

Im currently seeing someone for a while who thinks the world of me, does anything for me and is very popular, funny and sweet. However I dont find myself very attracted to him and see him now as my best mate and want to know should i dump him as im just leading him along or see does he grow on me???. We get on really well but some times i get realy angry at him for nothing coz i feel trapped and hes confused then as he doesnt realise my true feelings. Maybe i wont find a better guy and should stick with him. Very confused.

gimmick

How long are ye going out? Whats the nature of the relationship?

Generally If you are not ahhpy, I feel it should be spoken about first, as going in gung ho, and ending it can be very distressing for the 'dumpee'.

simu

Better to dump him nicely now before you start going crazy with frustration and taking it out on him!

WizZard

Floopy wrote:

...However I dont find myself very attracted to him and see him now as my best mate...

There's the answer. Let go of it, it will be better for both of you in the long run.

WRT finding someone else, don't worry about it - (you sound young,) there will be other, and better guys.

is_that_so

Floopy wrote:

Im currently seeing someone for a while who thinks the world of me, does anything for me and is very popular, funny and sweet. However I dont find myself very attracted to him and see him now as my best mate and want to know should i dump him as im just leading him along or see does he grow on me???. We get on really well but some times i get realy angry at him for nothing coz i feel trapped and hes confused then as he doesnt realise my true feelings. Maybe i wont find a better guy and should stick with him. Very confused.

I think the conversation starts " We need to talk"
Quite simply tell him what you've posted here and make it clear how much you value him as a mate. Tell him you understand if he doesn't want to see you for a bit but you hope you can still be mates. etc. etc.

You know what to say , so go ahead and do it. If it turns out you do fancy him later then the conversation goes " We need to talk" again and on and on goes the merry-go-round of unrequited love.

Nasty_Girl

yeah I think if you need to ask that question in the first place things aint good. But then I have a very blinkered "you want it or you don't" attitude to love and relationshps.

Ray777

I think you should dump him. If you're frustrated and getting cranky with him for no reason, staying with him isn't going to do him any favours. The longer you leave it, the harder it'll be for both of you.

Definitely a "we need to talk.." situation

Beruthiel

Floopy wrote:

Maybe i wont find a better guy and should stick with him

honestly
that is a very selfish reason to stay with someone you only care for as a friend, do him a favour and break up with him so he can move on and find someone who cares for him for the right reasons.

vixen2005

i generally agree with the above but i think its a decision you should make on your own, he might not be thrilled that you asked strangers to make your mind up. but what ever the decision he deserves an answer kinda soon.

WhiteWashMan

Floopy wrote:

Im currently seeing someone for a while who thinks the world of me, does anything for me and is very popular, funny and sweet. However I dont find myself very attracted to him and see him now as my best mate and want to know should i dump him as im just leading him along or see does he grow on me???. We get on really well but some times i get realy angry at him for nothing coz i feel trapped and hes confused then as he doesnt realise my true feelings. Maybe i wont find a better guy and should stick with him. Very confused.

jesus, if you dont fancy him, thendont go out with him.
its not really that hard.

Zombienosh

WhiteWashMan wrote:

jesus, if you dont fancy him, thendont go out with him.
its not really that hard.

yep thats pretty much it.

Dr.Feelgood

Whatever u do dont keep it going for his sake, it wont last without attraction, maybe not physical but a passionate attraction.

Let him know why though, he'll understand in time, it will work out better for you both.

scoey

Dr.Feelgood wrote:

Let him know why though, he'll understand in time, it will work out better for you both.

Haha, yeah, he'll be thrilled to hear that his girlfriend is dumping him because although she thinks his personalities great, she finds him physically unattractive(which is what she means of course). Personally I think that you should indeed dump him, I just think in this case it might be just a tad upsetting to him if you tell him why. Also if the guy has any self respect he'll probably never talk to you again after you dump him, so umm good look keeping him as that "best friend" you see him as. Also you know that if he does stick around, it'll only be because he thinks you might get together again someday and it will tear him apart seeing you with other people as he wastes his time pining away for you, right?

aliveandkicking

scoey wrote:

Haha, yeah, he'll be thrilled to hear that his girlfriend is dumping him because although she thinks his personalities great, she finds him physically unattractive(which is what she means of course). Personally I think that you should indeed dump him, I just think in this case it might be just a tad upsetting to him if you tell him why. Also if the guy has any self respect he'll probably never talk to you again after you dump him, so umm good look keeping him as that "best friend" you see him as. Also you know that if he does stick around, it'll only be because he thinks you might get together again someday and it will tear him apart seeing you with other people as he wastes his time pining away for you, right?

Hammer Nail Head.
If you dump him he willl be out of your life completely. Don't do anything too hastily, give it a week or two and if you do eventually dump him, dont say its because you find him unattractive - that would only destroy his confidence and self esteem.

Victor

Guys,

Floopy wrote:

However I dont find myself very attracted to him

This does not mean he is unattractive (which sounds awfully close to "ugly"), merely that she is no longer turned-on (sufficiently) by him. Each to their own and all that.

OP, something like "the spark is gone" might be more appropriate.

Dinxminx

You say he's popular, funny and sweet. You DON'T, however, say he's randy or good-looking. Is he gay?

Either way, dump him. Dump him now.

Victor

Hang on, you kinda like the guy? He buys you chips and rides you, etc. (I'm putting words in your mouth). Now fair enough if you have a better proposition, but if if he has done nothing wrong, is "dumping" (a) necessary (b) harsh? Perhaps something less cruel?

Boston

Dinxminx wrote:

You say he's popular, funny and sweet. You DON'T, however, say he's randy or good-looking. Is he gay?

Either way, dump him. Dump him now.

Wow, she's not attracted to a funny sweat and popular guy, but he's the gay one?

Capt'n Midnight

Boston wrote:

Wow, she's not attracted to a funny sweat and popular guy, but he's the gay one?

Ah the real problem - BO

Why do you feel trapped - is it a box you've made for your self or is external stuff.
What constitutes "a better guy" and have you ever met one (not counting your mates boyfriends that you want because you can't have)
People don't normally change as much as you would like them too,
what would need to change to make him "the one" , and is it plausable ?

Some moronic generalisations
you should marry someone you can't live without, not someone you can live with
women spend years trying to change a man and then wonder why he's not the person they fell in love with