jealousy

LegacyUser

Hey ppl,

have just started going out with a new girl. We got on great. She says she loves me and I love her too. Sounds great right? well it is

The problem is, when I'm out in a group with her, and she's talking to other guys, I get very jealous. She's a friendly, bubbly person, and that's why I like her. I don't do anything about it, and try not to let it ruin the night. i know its not her fault.

I know I shouldnt be jealous, but Its difficult when you like someone so much. I know its an insecurity issue with me, and I know I should trust her, but I not sure how to change....

Has anyone been in this situation, or knows how to deal with it?

Thanks!

leggo

I know how you feel, I think everyone at some stage feels this about someone.

The best thing you can do is see it like this: You love her, she loves you. You have a kind of 'contract'. If she does the dirt on you, she breaks that contract and isn't the person you claimed to love. **** her, she's not worth your time.

I know it's difficult, and as time goes on it won't get any easier to think like that, but it's SOMEthing. It's sad but the only way I've experienced that such raw passion and natural jealousy like this go away is through people having bad experiences in relationship and becoming more cynical, less trusting. She CAN cheat on you if she wants. There's absolutely NO WAY you can stop her, no matter how hard you try. For your own sanity, you'll have to trust her not to, cross your fingers and say to hell with her if she does. There's no easy solution to this man, this kind of negative comes with caring so much for somebody.

seamus

Need_some_advi wrote:

I know its an insecurity issue with me

Keep telling yourself that. You can't help feeling jealous, but remember that she's not trying to do anything to hurt you, and it's not reasonable for you to ask her to keep her communication strictly limited to other girls.

However, if she's spending her entire night chatting to random strangers, then it's an issue you want to bring up.

My girlfriend would be of the bubbly type too, and I'm the silent, jealous type. Some random guys tries to chat her up, she may allow the conversation to continue as long as she's waiting at the bar or until I come over, but other than that, she wouldn't be chatting to random guys.
But she has a lot of male friends, and even for casual male friends, she's the huggy, chatty type. I still get jealous, but 5 years later it's a little easier.

I do get annoyed (with myself) though when I see other couples casually talking about how hot x or y celebrity is, and being altogether much less jealous in general.

Live with it. It's who you are.

[Edit: actually, leggo said it very well - "You have a kind of 'contract'. If she does the dirt on you, she breaks that contract and isn't the person you claimed to love. **** her, she's not worth your time.".

That's a surprisingly useful and powerful thought to help you get over those "OMG what if she cheats on me?" worries.

Dinxminx

My boyfriend freaks out when I look at random guys; its a bit much but I just laugh cos he's being silly. I wouldn't prefer to be with anyone else! Its healthy to be jealous. Imagine how worrying it would be if you didn't feel anything!

She thinks she's just being friendly, so don't bring it up. Just swallow it and go talk to some girls. See how she reacts!

WhiteWashMan

Need_some_advi wrote:

Hey ppl,

have just started going out with a new girl. We got on great. She says she loves me and I love her too. Sounds great right? well it is

The problem is, when I'm out in a group with her, and she's talking to other guys, I get very jealous. She's a friendly, bubbly person, and that's why I like her. I don't do anything about it, and try not to let it ruin the night. i know its not her fault.

I know I shouldnt be jealous, but Its difficult when you like someone so much. I know its an insecurity issue with me, and I know I should trust her, but I not sure how to change....

Has anyone been in this situation, or knows how to deal with it?

Thanks!

either learn to deal with, or expect to have lot of arguements

Victor

Who does she go home with?