Too damn quick!

LegacyUser

Hi folks
Ok I've been going out with a girl for a few months now. We've been having plenty of sex. I'm 25. The thing is, unless I am pretty damn drunk, I last about 10 seconds when it comes to penetration! I've read up on the posts here and everyone says, beat off before hand etc. I've tried that yes. But it just happens within seconds either way. And I don't even WANT to, it's not a goal, I just want to pleasure her. And yes I do the 30 mins foreplay thing etc., but that just arouses me more and makes it even quicker. I really do try and relax and not think about it etc. but it just happens, it seems to be a physical thing. We don't use condoms as she's on the pill, but even when we did, they made no difference whatsoever. So is there ANYTHING I can do to resolve this? I can't be getting lashed drunk every bloody night!! And this is really getting me down, I feel like such an idiot when it happens... please help.

TerrorFirmer

I was going to say I have my moments...but not quite in the 10 second category!

I don't know, what else can you do except jack off about 10 minutes before you do the deed itself....

The fact that it happens on a consistant basis regardless of what you try is a bit worrying..

But- when you say 10 seconds - do you mean like A few minutes or literally 10-30 seconds?

Gaz

Try picturing something very off putting ... or do the alphabet backwards in your head.

monkeyfudge

What condoms did you try?

Durex have a product range called the Performa that is designed to reduce sensitivity to the male.

Beruthiel

Darth Homer wrote:

Picture yourself licking mucus from your grannys hole while being violated by a decompossing salmon !.

another comment like that Darth and you're banned
read this forums charter
B

MicraBoy

No no no no no no no. Its not about having a quick w@nk before hand. This will prob just keep you climaxing too quickly. Ask your self: do you spend half an hour ****? No I doubt it. The correct technique is to learn control. This takes time, a certain dedication, patience and probably the help of your partner.

Take some time to masturbate where you wont be disturbed. Use lube if you like. Go at it as normal but dont allow yourself to orgasm. This means that as you approach the point of no return you STOP. You dont touch yourself until you have regained control (may be let yourself go soft). You continue this routine until it becomes unbearable. This can take as long as you want. Learn to identify the point of no return. How far can you go without going over the edge. Learn control.

After as many sessions of this sort of fun (and you can make it lots of fun) as you need. Introduce this to your partner. Get her to do the masturbation. Lube is particularly good for this stage. She can do all sorts of interesting things with her hand then. Again the emphasis is on control though. You tell her to stop before you cross the point of no return. Then its hands off until you gain control, and off you go again. You can do this until you have trained yourself. These sessions can last as long as you want. Hopefully the control aspect will transfer to the full on sex. Of course you will have learnt a thing or two about when you are going to climax so you can also do the stopping and taking a break thing during penetration if you need to. Withdraw and no touching your self (but touch her!).

In the mean time to keep her happy you should also focus on making her head bounce off the ceiling through by giving her plenty of oral and finger fun.

As I said it requires a bit of dedication, but what else you going do? Try and make it as much fun as possible.

bonzai bob

Wear a condom.

LegacyUser

Last Poster: what part of "Condoms didn't make any difference" did you not understand? And as for asking her to help me etc.... NO! I can't bring myself to say "I'm useless in bed and come after a few seconds". You see at the weekends etc. I get away with it because I'm usually twisted. My last g/f of 2 years was a piss-head too so we were nearly always drunk when having sex, and it was never an issue. But this one is almost a tee-totaler, we don't go drinking together much, so it's a nightmare. It's so frustrating that there isn't just some quick fix. In fact I don't think there's any fix for me. And no, when jerking off, I can turn it into an hour session if I want, I am well aware of the point of no return when jerking off, and can stop it no problem. It just seems to be the whole penetration thing. I don't think there's much hope for me really is there, unless I keep a syringe full of pure alcohol by the bedside...

BaZmO*

Top advice from MicraBoy. Another thing to do is to let your girlfriend get on top so that she can take control of the pace while using the control techniques that MB described. If you're on top you tend to get over excited and just go at it like a rabbit in heat and end up reaching the point of no return too quick.

bonzai bob wrote:

Wear a condom.

Did you even read the orignal poster's post?

B.

bonzai bob

BaZmO* wrote:

Top advice from MicraBoy. Another thing to do is to let your girlfriend get on top so that she can take control of the pace while using the control techniques that MB described. If you're on top you tend to get over excited and just go at it like a rabbit in heat and end up reaching the point of no return too quick.




Did you even read the orignal poster's post?

B.

Yes, what's your point?

LegacyUser

monkeyfudge wrote:

What condoms did you try?

Durex have a product range called the Performa that is designed to reduce sensitivity to the male.

my bf uses these, and they work. A little too well sometimes. there is weird stuff at the top of the condom that does the trick. I thought for the first few times that there was something wrong with the condom and kept taking the stuff out! bf never mentioned what it was for! but they definitely work.

BaZmO*

He said...

dearohdear wrote:

We don't use condoms as she's on the pill, but even when we did, they made no difference whatsoever.

You said...

bonzai bob wrote:

Wear a condom.

I said...

BaZmO* wrote:

Did you even read the orignal poster's post?

Then you said...

bonzai bob wrote:

Yes, what's your point?

Shall I go on?

B.

Beruthiel

he said
she said
they said
take it to PM
B

BaZmO*

Beruthiel wrote:

he said
she said
they said
take it to PM
B

Oh God no!!!

B.

bonzai bob

''but when we did'' also means ''we don't always'', so i said ''wear a condom'' as in ALWAYS

leggo

Performa are **** from my experience. Bought a two-pack when I was a little desperate, Boots was closed and the other condoms were sold out and I went down both times during perfectly good sex.

Uthur

This is a serious problem, and can effect your self-esteem in a very
negative way. If you aren't the embarrassed type I really think discussing
the situation with an expert might help you.

I'm sure your GP could refer you to someone good.

Zillah

All good above(mostly...wasters...)


Also: Tbh, you might just be a little sensitive. This will sound crazy, but sensitivity is in your brain. Have lots of sex, masterbate all the time, make your cock think meh when something starts happening to it...

funk-you

seriously man this works- oranges, sandwiches, blue cheese, fire extinguishers, laptop. just recite this line in your head if you feel things are a little too excited. if nothing else it'll make you laugh which will buy you some extra time. dont just ram it on home either-its not a race, tease her with it a little and when things get too excited recite the line (the more random the words the better) and slow things down and enjoy the feeling rather than just the end result. has worked for me man, you can turn a quickie into a weekend long marathon. that (and without sounding too vulgar) make her come a few timesbefore you even put it near her. if all that fails man just make stratigic withdrawls when you have to. dunno what else ya can do without buyin safetex delay condoms(which is like a dentist numbing your twiddly bits by the way)- not exactly a long term solution.
Sound
-P

GreenHell

Christ on a bike, lad your probably thinking to much when your in the act. Just relax and enjoy yourself.

pwd

you can't practice delaying an orgasm during sex by masturbating. Masturbation is not the same as sex and doesn't feel the same sas sex, particularly when you don't use condoms.
Disassociation isn't the best method. Sex with someone you love is the most enjoyable and intimate thing you can do so you really shouldn't be trying to think about something else at the time.
Stop, or tell her to stop, right before you come (if you are about to do it before she has). There's a sorta internal focus you can get where you can stay totally involved and horny and also be able to delay orgasm as long as you want. 90% of it is relaxation. Make sure you're breathing properly and that your sphincter isn't clenched. Don't try to disassociate yourself from the moment, this is like trying to drive a car from the back seat. Let yourself experience it let it flow, don't worry or fight what you are feeling.

If I told you that you can learn the same sort of mindset I'm talking about by practicing juggling would it make you want to join the club I'm trying to set up?

Dr.Feelgood

Micraboy knows his ****. obey at all costs.

worked for me, now i'm a demon in the sack

LegacyUser

well as I said before, I am not willing to admit this problem to her, I've been getting away with it by having the odd drunken marathon with her to keep her happy. In order to use micraboys advice I'd have to tell her that I have this problem and I'm not going to do that, I don't know her well enough. In the meantime, it's friday, I'm going to get drunk off my ass, and give it my all later, it'll keep her happy for a while anyway!

BaZmO*

You'd want to get out of that big river in Egypt mate!!

B.

Sherlock

Hasn't she already figured it out as a problem?

LegacyUser

dearohdear wrote:

well as I said before, I am not willing to admit this problem to her, I've been getting away with it by having the odd drunken marathon with her to keep her happy. In order to use micraboys advice I'd have to tell her that I have this problem and I'm not going to do that, I don't know her well enough. In the meantime, it's friday, I'm going to get drunk off my ass, and give it my all later, it'll keep her happy for a while anyway!

Dude,
there's something very wrong with this post, firstly if you don't know her that well why are you having unprotected sex with her? Secondly if you want to have a relationship with her you HAVE to be able to talk to her. If she's the type of person who can't sit down and discuss sex then she's not someone IMHO you should go out with. I'd be very surprised if you can't work this out, relax man you're way too stressed about this, it happens, you can still have fun, discuss it with her, you'll feel much better believe me

LegacyUser

just a quick note

1. If you can't discuss sex with her, you don't have a relationship
2. Don't have unprotected sex with someone you aren't in a relationship with
3. Don't look at it as a 'problem', it's the way you are, you'll figure a way around it, everyones different, everyone has difficulties with sex in different ways

MicraBoy

Dude, unless you are dosing her with Rohypnol she already knows. You are getting naked and having sex with her on a regular basis. Of course you can talk to her about it. I don't think you will get any where with this unless you do talk to her about it.

LegacyUser

ok well it's not EVERYtime, sometimes I can manage to hold it off and it seems once I do I can go forever, so she's probably happy enough in the sex department. But the last couple of times it was really quick so that got me down a bit. Normally I can just do something else till I can go again, and I can usually go again within a minute or two, but last time it just wouldn't happen for me!
She's on the pill so no it's not unprotected sex. I am not fearing getting any STDs off her if that's what you mean.
I've never been able to discuss sex too openly with women I suppose, and I don't think that means it's a bad relationship or I shouldn't be with the woman in question, it may be a little problem but there's a lot more to a relationship than sex, I even had a wife once for a couple of years (yes I know I'm only 25) and I never talked about it too much, just did it, it's just something I'm a bit awkward and uncomfortable talking about with women, but I'm not worried about that. Maybe this is all part of the problem I don't know.

scojones

Dr.Feelgood wrote:

Micraboy knows his ****. obey at all costs.

worked for me, now i'm a demon in the sack

Yes, Micraboy's advice is great. It worked for me - took a few weeks but it's worth it.

snappieT

Do this:

You know the muscle you use when you're trying to hold in pee? Clench it and relax it. This muscle clenches when you ejaculate, so by learning how to relax it, you can get all the sensation of an orgasm without physically ejaculating, and you can continue.

It works.

thegloriousend

I've heard about this, how do you learn to relax your sphincter?