problem wrecking new relationship

rgdrfgdf

Old problem could be about to flare up and I'm; spooked.
Ill be brief, my ex who ended things 18 months ago told me I was useless in bed at the very end before she ended it, after we'd slept together for two years.
Its really knocked my confidence to the extent that I havent been able to function in the sexual department since.
As the months have gone on, its become an even bigger issue to the extent that my last few relationships have been failures due to my inability to get, or maintain an erection.
The last woman I saw, ended it a month in after several attempts to have sex ended with no reaction or else premature ejaculation inside an embarrassingly quick time.
I didnt discuss things with her, but we both knew there was a problem in that department ;she didnt say thats why she ended it but im sure it didnt help.
Im 24 so this is very unusual, Ive been feeling like crap lately due to it and I need some help.
Ive been told that there is a spray you can get to de-sensitise the equipment; is this the case, where, when, how much and how?..and how do I regain my stamina.
I keep on hearing the words that the ex said and its really screwed me upa lot.
This is a bit of problem as Ive been seeing a woman for the past few weeks and ive resisted having sex as im terrified that I wont be able to function (again), this whole thing is driving me crazy, could do with some advice.
Thanks

MojoMaker

So the problem is that you're too sensitive and likely to climax too quickly? Much more common that you'd think and easily solved. I presume you wear rubber so what about buying a thicker brand? What about knocking one out before you meet your girlfriend? Introduce your climax into foreplay so that you're steadied for what may follow.

Try slowing down foreplay and the ensuing fun so that you build up over a longer period of time. She's hardly going to be worried if you elect to spend an extra half hour pleasuring her, she'll think it's Christmas. You can always pass off your sensitivity as being a function of your extreme horniness whenever you get within 5 yards of her. She'll probably be flattered, and you can work on the rest together.

In my opinion this issue will only really persist for the first 2 or 3 occasions with the new girl and will settle down to a normal rythym pretty quickly.

simu

rgdrfgdf wrote:

Old problem could be about to flare up and I'm; spooked.
Ill be brief, my ex who ended things 18 months ago told me I was useless in bed at the very end before she ended it, after we'd slept together for two years.

Yet she stayed with you for two years? It sounds like she just made that up to hurt you.

vibrant

Sounds like you should paya visit to your local sex shop. They would have a few different items you could wear over the condom which would help you maintain your erection. Perhaps you'd also consider something which would stimulate the clitoris (while you're at it, and all).

Fanny Cradock

Firstly, that was a pretty nasty thing your ex said, especially when so many males base their manliness on their ability to please the ladies! Seems like you confidence is shot and that’s the real problem here. You have to get it back, but, as with any matters of the head, these things happen slowly.

The last advice was good, fool around a bit, concentrate on her, and try avoid getting too excited. before you know it you will have no worries. roll on your 5 hour sessions!

As for sprays etc., i could only see that leading to more embarrassment - wont be a minute love *schhh - sprays micky, waits 30 seconds*, OK where were we?

It seems to me that this is a physiological barrier. You don’t want to use sprays and pills as a type of (erection) crutch . They will only mask the problem - what happens if you run out? You have to get your head sorted and confidence back, and then the problem will go away. talk to your GP, he may be able to give you advice/contacts. I think that it's a problem for a lot of guys out there, so you're not the only one.

Doodee

simu wrote:

Yet she stayed with you for two years? It sounds like she just made that up to hurt you.

I concur.

Tbh, its one of the lowest things you can do in a relationship. Nobody is more vunerable than when their naked, and when it comes to sex, its the act that should be appreciated not the performance.
Tbh, i'd say since its been quite a while since you've had regular sex you just need to build that stamina back up. Dont worry too much about not being able to prolong the ejaculation, work with the girl and find out what they like, each girl is different. If you have long fingers then use them instead, simple little things like the walls at both vertical parts of the vagina (Pubic bone etc) can be quite stimulating on certain women. Also, Just practise with your tongue aswell. sometimes it can be far more befitial to a woman if your abilities outperform the main one.

At the end of the day it sounds like you dont have too uch problem actually getting women, your only hurdle is getting over what someone said, forget about it and prove it to yourself.


God, that last line sounds like a disney moral story :rolleyes:

StandnDeliver

I think that ex of your was horrid to say that and u know what id say she was lying and was being spiteful coz it ended,
my advice the guys here have given amazing advice i might add have a little moment to yourself ie the bathroom b4 u know the deed is gonna be done,maybe have a bath with the girl candles ,wine and chat have a giggle and relax,or equally get a dvd if u dont have a bath.
what ever happened to dating anyway no need to jump into bed etc after a few weeks that way you can get to know her and relax in her company.
And maybe after time you will be ok and comfortable if you still are nervous about the bedroom talk to her about it.if shes nice she will help u through it.women like a challenge sometimes

TerrorFirmer

Yet she stayed with you for two years? It sounds like she just made that up to hurt you.

Girls know where to puncture a mans ego. Don't believe her - she's lying, deliberately because she knows thats the one area of your ego supported totally by the comments of the opposite sex.

Most of us have been there.

EPO_MAN

hey - you just got to remember that your ex stayed with you for 2 years. so unlikely the sex was bad - she just said it to hurt you. once you remember that (and believe it yourself) you'll be ok.
Next time you're with a lady give her plenty of oral sex. when she is satisfied like that intercourse isn't as important so you can relax about performing and in time you'll be back on track.

WhiteWashMan

ah, its these off the cuff remarks that people hope keep in their little brains and mull over them for ages and it drives them to distraction.

i wouldnt worry too much about it dude. im sure the ex just wanted to hit you where she thought it would hurt, and it seems she has done that.

as said before, i doubt if you were in a long term relationship and sex wa a serious issue, then she would have brought it up and you guys would have done something about it.

i mean, its as petty as someone turning around to the girl theyve just been dumped by and saying 'bythe way, youre ass always looked big in those jeans, and youre best friend thinks you are a cow'

besides, you could always mention to your new chick that youre ex thought you were crap, and perhaps she should teach you a few tricks.

i mean, whats the worst that can happen?