I really love him

katieo

My bf for nearly a year broke up wit me about a week ago and im really upset bout the whole thing i thought things where goin ok but obviously something was wrong. He's in college and says he doesn't have time for me that he has to study but that he needs some space but i think there's something else to it?? We've had alot of ups and down but always managed to get through them i have alot of personal family problems which he didn't like me talking about ever. We're still texting the whole time he thinks im being very understanding bout the whole thing but the truth is i've cried myself to sleep every night since we broke up. I dont want to get over him to be honest i prefer to be under him....but i dont want to let him think he can mess me around and just get back with me for a few days and then call it all off again just as he's done before!
i dont know what to do any more and i seriously need some advice.

daosulli

katieo wrote:

but i dont want to let him think he can mess me around and just get back with me for a few days and then call it all off again just as he's done before! .

Hey Katieo . . sorry to hear this, so seem to be really upset . . BUT you cant leave him mess you around, not matter how much you like him.
IF . . and its a big IF ye get back together (personally id tell him where to go ) it has to be on YOUR terms . . not sure about this sending txt's either, clean breaks are the best.
I hope you'll be ok

RE*AC*TOR

Katieo - I recommend having a "real-life" talk with a friend or family member. The internet is coldcomfort. There's little in life worse than crying yourself to sleep. You need to ask yourself if you think he would do this again to you - and if its worth putting yourself through that.

skittishkitten

I know it's easier said than done , but I'd cut him loose and get a new guy. The thing that gets me is that he was unsympathic to your family problems and while it might not be the greatest thing to have to listen to, you had the right to vent to him. Even if it meant he just listened and gave you a reassuring hug. You'll always have family and things are bound to happen. You need a guy that understands that and is willing to help you deal, even if it's just by listening, when things get stressful. If he's dumped you before, gotten back with you, then dumped you again , it sounds like he only wants you around when it's convient for him. You need to let him know it's NOT OK, let him know he's hurt you - he deserves it in my opinion, stop texting him, have a good cry and go find yourself a new guy.


~

seamus

katieo wrote:

My bf for nearly a year broke up wit me about a week ago and im really upset bout the whole thing i thought things where goin ok but obviously something was wrong. He's in college and says he doesn't have time for me that he has to study but that he needs some space but i think there's something else to it??

Don't post mortem. You'll just end up tieing yourself in knots and demolishing your self-esteem.

We're still texting the whole time he thinks im being very understanding bout the whole thing but the truth is i've cried myself to sleep every night since we broke up. I dont want to get over him to be honest i prefer to be under him....but i dont want to let him think he can mess me around and just get back with me for a few days and then call it all off again just as he's done before!

Ring him. Tell him that it's too hard to continue texting him, and that you'll contact him when you're ready, however long that takes. Breaking up is like quitting smoking - go cold turkey, or you'll never get over it.

WhiteWashMan

katieo wrote:

He's in college and says he doesn't have time for me that he has to study but that he needs some space but i think there's something else to it??

he may also be telling the truth. but he is in college, and he has probably been opened up to whole new life, and he wants to do his own thing. its not uncommon.

katieo wrote:

We've had alot of ups and down but always managed to get through them i have alot of personal family problems which he didn't like me talking about ever.

iof you are going to have a relationship, its about the good and the bad. if he is not prepared to be there for you and allow you to talk, what makes you think its a steady realtionship? why is it a realtionship that you want to get back into?
is it perhaps because you feel more comfortable in a relationship instead of out of one?
or is ti actually 'him' that makes the difference, because i find it hard to believe that he makes you happy when he doesnt seem to care about your problems.

katieo wrote:

We're still texting the whole time he thinks im being very understanding bout the whole thing but the truth is i've cried myself to sleep every night since we broke up.

yeh, you might want to stop that. you are only slowing and delaying the break up feelings. he is probably just lonely after dumping you and is texting you to make himself feel better. if he thinks hes helping you, hes essentially trying to get over the guilt he feels. again, its common, and we've all been there. we all kid ourselves that if we remain friends with ex's then they will be happy and we are let of the hook we make for ourselves when we hurt someone. and breaking up always hurts someone.
so, hes just making himself feel better, while making you feel crapper.

katieo wrote:

I dont want to get over him to be honest i prefer to be under him....

im thinking you are more lonely and want someone, rather than just want him. thats fine, just dont mix up love and loneliness. again, another common mistake, and its often why couples get abck toegether. theres a reason you broke you, why would you go out with them again?
if you want sex, then go and get it, but dont make a mistake by thinking that only he can do it for you.

katieo wrote:

.but i dont want to let him think he can mess me around and just get back with me for a few days and then call it all off again just as he's done before!
i dont know what to do any more and i seriously need some advice.

sorry girl, but move on. he sounds like every other male in their late teens. wants a girl, but discoveres BIG life out there. especially when you discover the university life, or the new job away from home and the money and all that. you discover that there really is more to life than whatever was your castle before that. he is sorry to let you go, wants to make you feel better, but really, wants to be free to do his own thing. its best if you figured that out sooner rather than later, and you start enjoying your freedom again.

of course, i could be completely wrong...

Beruthiel

no you're not wrong wwm, I agree with everything that you said and have nothing to add to it.
time to move on girl, a little pain now is better than a lot of pain later

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

katieo

WhiteWashMan wrote:

he may also be telling the truth. but he is in college, and he has probably been opened up to whole new life, and he wants to do his own thing. its not uncommon.



iof you are going to have a relationship, its about the good and the bad. if he is not prepared to be there for you and allow you to talk, what makes you think its a steady realtionship? why is it a realtionship that you want to get back into?
is it perhaps because you feel more comfortable in a relationship instead of out of one?
or is ti actually 'him' that makes the difference, because i find it hard to believe that he makes you happy when he doesnt seem to care about your problems.



yeh, you might want to stop that. you are only slowing and delaying the break up feelings. he is probably just lonely after dumping you and is texting you to make himself feel better. if he thinks hes helping you, hes essentially trying to get over the guilt he feels. again, its common, and we've all been there. we all kid ourselves that if we remain friends with ex's then they will be happy and we are let of the hook we make for ourselves when we hurt someone. and breaking up always hurts someone.
so, hes just making himself feel better, while making you feel crapper.



im thinking you are more lonely and want someone, rather than just want him. thats fine, just dont mix up love and loneliness. again, another common mistake, and its often why couples get abck toegether. theres a reason you broke you, why would you go out with them again?
if you want sex, then go and get it, but dont make a mistake by thinking that only he can do it for you.



sorry girl, but move on. he sounds like every other male in their late teens. wants a girl, but discoveres BIG life out there. especially when you discover the university life, or the new job away from home and the money and all that. you discover that there really is more to life than whatever was your castle before that. he is sorry to let you go, wants to make you feel better, but really, wants to be free to do his own thing. its best if you figured that out sooner rather than later, and you start enjoying your freedom again.

of course, i could be completely wrong...

its not that im dyin for sex or anything i just miss been close to him dont get me wrong the sex was good but as far as im concerned there was alot more to our realationship.and yes he was my 1st and i just cant imagion havin sex with anyone else... i know deep down that i probably wont get back with him(my mates are keeping me away from him at the mo dey like him as a mate but think that he's treated me like crap last week) but i would like to be mates with him he did occasionally help me with my problems im in college too jus not the same one we go to college in the same town and have alot of the same mates so its not like we can aviod each other all the time cause of all this its just so s**ty

WhiteWashMan

katieo wrote:

i just miss been close to him

i suspect that is all you are missing. if he was your first, then its the feeling of being close to someone that you miss, not actually him. you miss not having a partner.

katieo wrote:

not the same one we go to college in the same town and have alot of the same mates so its not like we can aviod each other all the time cause of all this its just so s**ty

you have a whole new world of your own to explore. dont bog yourself down trying to recapture some good times, that quite frankly are gone, and you will find out, probably werent that good either. believe me, most of us have been there.
you'll always be fond of him, but you will realise that you were niave at that age, with so much going on around you, to try and keeo one corner of your world unchanged. you will grow and you will change and your taste in pretty much everything will changem, and hopefully when you emerge from that cocoon that is university, you will be a normal member of society and you can finally start to pay tax

youre friends are right. go out with them and get drunk, and thank them,and then ask them if they know any nice boys with nice willies

Sherifu

@OP:
As others have said cut the strings and move on.
Be strong.

WhiteWashMan wrote:

you can finally start to pay tax

Never! Do a masters/phd anything.
Have you seen how much tax is flushed down the toilet by the gov.
Sell craziness someplace else, we're all stocked up here.

idontknowmyname

i'd definitely go cold turkey as suggested. The more you text him the more you're gonna want to get back with him and you need a break.
Dont have any contact with him for a few months. Just text him and tell him that you need to not see each other or text each other for a while. If after a few months you still wanna keep in contact with hime thats fine but if you decide that you dont then dont. Delete his number so you wont be drunkenly text him, you probably know his number off by heart but when you're drunk it'll be harder to type the digits in

LegacyUser

I broke with my partner.

from my experience, he said he needed space too. Turned out a few weeks later he was with someone else he "really liked" all the time. The "space" time was basically used for him to get with someone else.

Not saying this is whats going on with him and i hope not, but be careful.

The "being nice to you" thing might be a guilt thing.

Be prepared for things you dont want to hear.

I hope everything works out for you.