!!!Material within could possibly could be taken offence of!!!

entropi

Funny all the same lots of them are class:D:D

VIZ MAGAZINE HANDY TIPS...
1. If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

2. Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the F++KING thing in the first place, you fat b&*tards.

4. Give up smoking by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a
fat friend's a%$e, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them.

5. Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff
broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.

6. Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding
at people as they walk up the aisle.

7. Increase blind people's electricity bills by switching all their lights on when their guide dog isn't looking.

8. Girls.. Too broke to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get ****ed,
lie in a sand pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.

9. Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and
slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

10. Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and
grazes with thin strips of bacon.

11. Save money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. 98D 41251

12. Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer
to the object you wish to view.

13. Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

14. Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the
fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

15. Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.

16. Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.


17. Deter goldfish from having sex by throwing a small bucket of air over any that you catch in the act.

18. An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

19. Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic
steroids by running a bit slower.

20. Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance.

21. Manchester United fans. Avoid an asymmetrical bulge in your right
arm by masturbating furiously with your left arm too.

22. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply ****ing in the sink.

23. Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak
or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc tastes exactly like the real thing, they will not know any difference.

24. Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

LOL:D:D:D

Pugsley

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Death Sentence:

20. Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance.

21. Manchester United fans. Avoid an asymmetrical bulge in your right
arm by masturbating furiously with your left arm too.

</font>

ROFL

[Preacher]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Death Sentence:

7. Increase blind people's electricity bills by switching all their lights on when their guide dog isn't looking.
</font>

Lmao

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- [Preacher]

DEmeant0r

Lol, that's good.

DEmeant0r

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Death Sentence:
20. Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake penis to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance. </font>

I don't really get that.

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">18. An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator. </font>

LMAO, Funny

po0k

D|ck. Head.
Man utd fans are gobsh|tes. W4nkers. D|ckheads.
Now u have the powah of unda standin'?

chernobyl

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by [FCA]SyxPak:
D|ck. Head.
Man utd fans are gobsh|tes. W4nkers. D|ckheads.
Now u have the powah of unda standin'?</font>

A bit of a generalization don't you think?

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Ashley Lyn

Ashley Lyn Cafagna

Mr.Applepie

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by chernobyl:
A bit of a generalization don't you think?

</font>

No! It's a joke so take it like one. This is the humour board afterall. If you cant take it like a joke go to the humanities board. They take everything seriously!

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Yours sincerely,
Mr.Applepie

Haywood Jablomi

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Death Sentence:
Funny all the same lots of them are class

7. Increase blind people's electricity bills by switching all their lights on when their guide dog isn't looking.

</font>

ROLF, Sweeet!