Sometimes I dont think anything's worth it!

Motley Crue

Ive been having a lot of trouble recently. It all starts with college. When i started college 2 years ago i taught that i would be able to shed my social inhabitions and start hanging around with more people. For whatever reason, i was given a hard time in school and i didnt really like it. After 6th year i shed a lot of the weight, lost the spots and looked after myself, the usual stuff. I figured that a new start in college would give me a new social group or even one or two friends that i could get to know. Sadly, it was not to be and i found myself in a class containing only 6 people and being mixed with another class that just didnt give our class the time of day. My class also contained all girls, three of whom were married and in their late twenties and the other two being socially nice people, but since they live down the country and commute a ridiculous length to college every single day, they're not interested in going out at the weekends because they have to reach home.

To make matters worse, my job (a video store) only contains myself and the other person on duty, so it doesnt look like im going to get a chance to meet anyone through work because it is also a job with NO social life.

I seem to be suffering from a lot of bad luck recently, and this social drought has been going on for far too long. The reason im submitting this today is....well, to be honest, i dont know. Im a decent guy, im not a maniac or crazy, im really socialable and honest and plesent with people, yet for some reason i can never make new friends and i cant seem to find anyone now, and I really need it, because to be honest, i feel really really alone at the moment and im just scared because its not that i think i need to go and talk to someone, its just that id like more friends

Maybe someone will be able to post something here that helps. Im a white male, im 19 going on 20 in a month, and i live in dublin in rathfarnham. Ive seen the pages on the UCD website, and they are of no help because theres nothing in my area that will either let me join or is actually open. oh, and im single, but i think people prob guessed that.

Id apprichate any feedback of any kind

WhiteWashMan

well, you pointed out that you are not in any position in your normal day to day life where you will really get an introduction to new people.
try changing your day to day life to include being where yo uare going to meet people.
go to the bar in college and meet people. its really not hard. go, buy beer, sit around, people will talk to you.
students are always hard up for beer drinking buddies

oh, and join a soc ro a club. at least then you will actually have something in common to talk about.

idontknowmyname

Try joining a local sport- such as tennis or football.

Why dont you change your job.... I found working in a big department store brilliant. Its busy but you get to meet tonnes of people and the social life is excellent!! We used to go out several times a week.

funkymonk

Hi Motley Crue, think about what you enjoy doing then find out where people do that together. You're in UCD you say, there must by hundreds of societies, what are you into? Sport? Sci-fi (usually a society full of colourful people), Hill walking, swimming, martial arts(note: from my experience this is great if you fell you lack confidence), into art? movies? Computers?, women? ( try the societies that foreign students frequent, they will be more than happy to practise their English and get to know you at the same time)

What about sending an email around to you class, try to muster up support for a session? Usually it is the case that plenty of people are in the same situation are yourself and are dieing for someone to take the first step.

Be open, Look out of posters etc, turn up, take a chance see what happens :-)

Chinafoot

hey Motley Crue,

you probably noticed on the UCD board that theres plans for a Boards/UCD Beers hopefully next week. i'd recommend coming to that. you'll meet nice people and chances are there'll be a few people in the same position as yourself.

combs

University is perverse: It's supposed to be this big frenzied meeting-place but that's a lie. The only people you can become friendly with are those from your class, due to the size of the place and schedules. So if your class is small and you don't get along with those in it, you're in trouble.

Some of the previous posters have suggested that simply 'hanging around' is enough to get talking to people. This is a fallacy also.

These 'societies' are a strange phenomenon too; How do you get involved on your own? Very difficult, if not impossible.

Those are the facts. You probably want advice? - Leave that no-good course you're doing and re-apply for one with a large class size with a good mix of the sexes.

BuffyBot

How do you get involved on your own? Very difficult, if not impossible.

I found just turning up helped. And I wasn't exactly the most forthcoming person in the world. A couple of times in and you find people involve you, but before that happens to have to put some effort in.

popinfresh

Change ur job tbh. And I know it may be a long shot but do you not have any cousins/relatives?

Slutmonkey57b

Don't listen to Motley Crue.

Buy a rugger shirt and speak loaike dis, yaah? Rooight? Take up smoking and always wait for someone else to express an opinion before you speak. Give up anything that makes you an individual, and make sure you display no outward signs of intelligence. Always talk with a vapid grin. Develop a taste for flat-chested girls with orange skin.

You'll have hundreds of friends in no time.

Slutmonkey57b

Seriously though, don't listen to the Crue, they're sh!t.

Jonny Arson

If you are happy with your course in college don't drop out just because you hope to meet new people in a larger college. I started out in UCD six months ago in a big course with lots of people around and I have not made one friend in my time out there which has made me very isolated and depressed out there.

I can somewhat relate to what you are saying about trying to make new friends ... its impossible at my age. Everyone is happy to stick to their own social circle no matter where you go be it college or work. My social life isn't exactly flourishing either at the moment. I sometimes will go three or four weeks without seeing some of my mates due to everyone having such hectic lives now.

I'm stuck in a bit of a rut aswell, I don't know what to do. I know my prob is that its college specific really but I do totally understand how youre feeling. I have been let down so many times by people that I don't feel that there are alot of genuine good people in this city. Lots of 'friendly' people I've encountered wear masks and are nothing but fake. I personally feel being a nice person in this day of age is a bad thing to be. Everyone is in this game for themselves. If your nice and friendly you will struggle to make friends - FACT

Even though nothing can guarantee that you will meet some genuinely cool people but my best bet would be maybe to take up a sport or something like that you have an interest in. You may be more likely to meet similar people to yourself by taking up something like that. I also hear that martial arts are very good for your mind and body. There you could meet new people and also possibly help your confidence a bit but only do it if you are genuinely interested and have enthusiasm for it. I myself may take up something like this cause I'm rubbish a fighting.

Best of luck anyway and look after yourself.

sleepwalker

join a soc in your college great way to make new mates worked a treat for me in college