Please, someone tell me what to do...

Rossonero

...because I'm an undecisive and emotionless, spineless loser.

I have talked about this girl before on boards, but I really need more help;

I really really like this girl I've been going out drinking with the past few months. The last few times we've become really close. Tbh, I'm in love with her.

I've been getting really strong and obvious signs she likes me. She holds my hand, lets me put my arm around her, but with that I've never took the final step.
The last time we met, 3 weeks ago, she even told me she loved me and gave me a hug. But, of course I just sat there too emotionally numb to reply. I didn't even squeeze back. Then when she dropped me off, she gave a look, obviously expecting/ hoping I'd make a move. I just kissed her on the cheek and got out of the car. From the minute I got out of the car, I was kicking myself, and kicking hard. I thought that's it. That was my window and I blew it. I promised myself for the next 2 weeks. "No more of this ****! I'm going to tell her my feelings and make a move." I phsyched myself up to do so. Before I had a chance to ask her out she text me asking me out. Great I thought, maybe my window is still open? She had asked to meet up on Saturday, so we had longer together, but I couldn't ( for stupid reason) and asked to meet up Sunday.
Thinking again, I called back to say **** it I can come Saturday, but she then said Sunday would suit her more, and that we could meet for an hour. I was confused as to why she was determined to meet Saturday so we could meet for longer and then propose we meet for only an hour?
Anyway, she ended up calling me 2 hours before we were to meet saying she was sick. I asked if we could meet next week, she said she was going to England to meet up with her ex-fiancee (she still wears the ring).

I've really messed up. I've really missed my window.If only i had let myself go. I don't know what to do. We'll meet up again, but can somebody please help me and tell me what to do? Please don't say to move on, because I don't think I can.

ven0m

Rossonero wrote:

...because I'm an undecisive and emotionless, spineless loser.

I have talked about this girl before on boards, but I really need more help;

I really really like this girl I've been going out drinking with the past few months. The last few times we've become really close. Tbh, I'm in love with her.

I've been getting really strong and obvious signs she likes me. She holds my hand, lets me put my arm around her, but with that I've never took the final step.
The last time we met, 3 weeks ago, she even told me she loved me and gave me a hug. But, of course I just sat there too emotionally numb to reply. I didn't even squeeze back. Then when she dropped me off, she gave a look, obviously expecting/ hoping I'd make a move. I just kissed her on the cheek and got out of the car. From the minute I got out of the car, I was kicking myself, and kicking hard. I thought that's it. That was my window and I blew it. I promised myself for the next 2 weeks. "No more of this ****! I'm going to tell her my feelings and make a move." I phsyched myself up to do so. Before I had a chance to ask her out she text me asking me out. Great I thought, maybe my window is still open? She had asked to meet up on Saturday, so we had longer together, but I couldn't ( for stupid reason) and asked to meet up Sunday.
Thinking again, I called back to say **** it I can come Saturday, but she then said Sunday would suit her more, and that we could meet for an hour. I was confused as to why she was determined to meet Saturday so we could meet for longer and then propose we meet for only an hour?
Anyway, she ended up calling me 2 hours before we were to meet saying she was sick. I asked if we could meet next week, she said she was going to England to meet up with her ex-fiancee (she still wears the ring).

I've really messed up. I've really missed my window.If only i had let myself go. I don't know what to do. We'll meet up again, but can somebody please help me and tell me what to do? Please don't say to move on, because I don't think I can.

Dude - does she even know what she wants???? If she's still wearing the ring she still has some sentimental value & the fact she's going to see him.... uhh RUN & RUN FAST!!!!!


::: ven0mous :::

delop

Sometimes people dont want what they can have...
play it cool unless you are really sure. People often frown on seperated teachers dating their students ... only joking..

stagolee

you have her number? give her a call and tell her how you feel. what have you got to loose?
she's not gonna hold it against you for the rest of your life if you tell her you love her or whatever. or maybe conciously or subconciously theres some reason you dont want to get together with her

Kernel

Just do it. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? You are the one putting up invisible barriers in your own mind. Stop analysing it, and just make a move.

Lex_Diamonds

Stay away from her. Still wearing her ring ffs. What kind of chump...

ChRoMe

forget her. You were saying you were getting big signs from her. I have had girls say they love me but that doesnt have mean its in the relationship love way.

I thought the biggest signs you were getting were her still wearing her engagement ring and the fact she's traveling to england to meet her ex-fiance.

Time to move on.

Rossonero

ChRoMe wrote:

forget her. You were saying you were getting big signs from her. I have had girls say they love me but that doesnt have mean its in the relationship love way.

I thought the biggest signs you were getting were her still wearing her engagement ring and the fact she's traveling to england to meet her ex-fiance.

Time to move on.

It'll be hard. We'll be friends whatever happened. we've agreed to go travelling loads together. I can spend years and years searching for someone that I like just as much, but I doubt I ever will.
I don't want to settle on some girl that is second best, because it would be unfair on her with me thinking of someone else.

I could move on, but I'd never be happy. I'd rather do what ever I can to be with her.

Morrigan

Rossonero wrote:

I'd rather do what ever I can to be with her.

Then TALK to her FFS!! This is the ONLY way you can move forward, instead of being in this obviously torturous limbo you're in. I'll say it again TALK TO HER.
That's the best thing you can do. She is the only one who can tell you exactly what's on her mind. It is hard to put yourself out there and open yourself up to rejection or ridicule, but it sounds like this is what you are going to have to do. Risk it. You'll regret it, otherwise. And definitely the sooner you risk it, the better. Make sure you are on her mind while she's visiting her ex.
That's my advice. But I don't know you, or her.

Bottle_of_Smoke

You ask her . . . or you don't. Seriously man what other options did you expect boards to offer?

Then when she dropped me off, she gave a look, obviously expecting/ hoping I'd make a move.

If you're being honest here then what the hell is up with you? Ring her and tell her now. Your timing\method is NOT going to make a difference to her decision on you

Grimlock

Rossonero wrote:

She said she was going to England to meet up with her ex-fiancee (she still wears the ring).
I've really missed my window.

No you didn't, sounds like ya never had one.
Your in the the "friend zone"....like a brother to her, a shoulder to cry on.

I second all the above who said cut and run.

Rossonero wrote:

I don't want to settle on some girl that is second best, because it would be unfair on her with me thinking of someone else.

But what if that's how she feels; would you like her to settle down with you but always wondering "What if" things had worked out with her ex.

Ask her straight out, it'll give ya piece of mind but don't expect anything.
Give yourself some space if you don't get the answer you want, you may not be able to move on if she remains an active important figure in your life.
There are planty more fish in the sea.

Keyzer

Get an inflatable woman instead....

Beruthiel

Keyzer wrote:

Get an inflatable woman instead....

comments like this are not welcome in this forum.
read the charter
B

Rossonero

Grimlock wrote:

No you didn't, sounds like ya never had one.
Your in the the "friend zone"....like a brother to her, a shoulder to cry on.
There are planty more fish in the sea.

I def did. She said i was "beautiful", that i could be her bf in time, she's bought a place of her own and invited me over (hasn't moved in yet) with these words;
"We can go on a proper night out, and go home and....talk.....and.....ah, .....you know........."

i gree there's loads and loads of fish out there, but not the same fish.

Rossonero

Thank you everyone!
Both arguments (go for it/move on) have been a great help.
She said she'll text or call me to meet up either next weekend (if she doesn't go to England)or the one after, but def one of those. So i will tell her how I feel, but will wait until we meet up (if she does text at all).

i have to go for it. I have to know for definite!

Lex_Diamonds

Rossonero wrote:

I don't want to settle on some girl that is second best, because it would be unfair on her with me thinking of someone else.

I could move on, but I'd never be happy. I'd rather do what ever I can to be with her.

OK your beginning to sound creepy now. Just leave her out of your life for NOW ok, can you do that for us? Conciously go after an alternative. Maybe in time she will come back to YOU, if not, the other girl your hopefully with will occupy your "mind".

ChRoMe

""We can go on a proper night out, and go home and....talk.....and.....ah, .....you know........."

Ehh to be honest if she wanted that I'd make a fair guess that she would have done it by now.

MellonCollie

I recently had a troubling experience with a guy. We'd known each other well and got on pretty much like a house on fire. Even so, it took a while for things to get serious, which they eventually did.

Only problem was that we were geographically seperated by a few hours. Still, we were in daily contact and things were as good as they could ever be, in that situation. However, the "climate" changed rather abruptly overnight, literally. And me being me, thought maybe he had some things to deal with and I didn't want to pry. After about 2 weeks I had enough and I finally asked him why things were weird all of a sudden ... or if it was just me.

So, he finally came out and told me that he'd been seeing a lot of this one girl back home recently and that he was loyal (HAH!) as I should know, and that he didn't think it was right for him to be flirting with me. Oh, and he didn't tell me that, because he was afraid things may not work out with the girl and then he'd lose us both. How's THAT for loyalty?

Anyway, I told him we could be friends, BUT that I needed some space for a few weeks ... and at the moment, he's not talking to me because I said that. So, either he's mad at me because I didn't pi$$ and whine like a little girl OR because he reckons I'm childish for wanting some time to myself, I don't know ... and I don't really care.

The point I'm making is we're always going to have people who are confused about what they want and how things work and how not to **** around with somebody's feelings. You can't hate them for that though, but you don't need to take that ****.

So, I reckon, forget about that girl... she might come back to you then change her mind the next day. It's great to have somebody you can love, but if you can't trust their intentions, it's the worst strain ... There are better things out there and whilst I might not have found that yet myself, I still believe it.