some american humour

stu_69

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued: "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

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Two blondes walk into a building.
You would figure one of them would have seen it.

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A woman decides that she's had it with trying to find a decent man in a bar. So she takes out an ad in the paper that says she is seeking a mate who is loyal, rich and a good lover. After a few days, her doorbell rings. She opens the door and sees a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs. He says, "I'm here about your ad." Momentarily taken aback, she says, "Well, how do I know that you're loyal?" she inquires. "Well I saved my platoon from the Viet Cong in Vietnam. That's how I lost my arms and legs."

"Well, how do I know that you're rich?" she inquires.

He replies,"I make over three million dollars a year. I have my own software company. You can look at my bank statement".

Looking at him in his wheelchair, she demands "How do I know you're a good lover?"

He shrugs "I rang the doorbell didn't I."

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There is this guy drinking in a bar. He bets the bartender $100 that he can set a beerglass on the floor and **** into it from his barstool and not spill a drop. The bartender, not one to pass up easy money, takes the bet. So the guy ****es into the glass and doesn't spill a drop. The bartender is amazed, pays the man and gives him a pitcher of beer on the house. So the man drinks his pitcher and gives the bartender a chance to win his money back. "I bet you I can stand on the bar and **** into glass on the floor and not spill a drop." Slurrs the man. The bartender does want his money back, and the guy just drank a whole pitcher by himself, so he takes the bet. The man stands up on the bar and ****es into a glass on the floor and doesn't spill a drop. Again the bartender is amazed, pays the man and gives him a pitcher on the house. Then a group of guys came in the bar and sat at a table. The guy brought his pitcher over and sat with them. The proceeded in drinking six more pitchers of beer. A couple hours later, the guy staggered up to the bar and said, "I'll give you one more chance to get your money back. I'll bet you $200 that I can go up to that second floor balcony and **** into a glass on the bar and not spill a drop." Now the balcony is about 15 feet above the bar, and the man can hardly stand up, so the bartender takes the bet. The man goes up to the balcony, aided by a couple of the guys at the table, and ****es all over the bar. Doesn't even get a drop in the glass. So now the bartender is all smiles. He got his money back, and as he was cleaning the man's urine off of the bar he askes him,"So why did you do it? I mean you had me for $200 and you got drunk and blew it." The man said," You see those guys at the table, I bet them $500 that I could **** all over this bar and have you wipe it up with a smile on your face."

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