Unrequited love

LegacyUser

Ive been going out with my girlfriend for 3 months and last night told her i loved her. Didnt really want to because i thought it was to soon but it was driving me mad so I had to say it. Honestly I thought she'd say it back but she didnt.
Now im i dont know what to do with it. Do i keep saying it to her as if all is normal. I dont want to force her to love me, will this pressure her? Will i just go back to all that 'really like you' stuff.
One other thing that made me think is that she has a 3 year old. Could she be afraid or careful to fall in love for the sake of her kid.
Unrequited love is tough on the emoticons!!

Beruthiel

Headover wrote:

Unrequited love is tough on the emoticons!!

how do you know it's unrequited?
it's only 3 months, some people don't say I love you every 10 mins, but use it sparingly so it actually means something when said.
I personally would never use it after knowing someone for only 3 months, I would wait till I really knew them and then decide, for me that would probably be somewhere between 6 months to a year.
Everyone's different of course, just leave her to say it when she's ready, then you'll know she means it.

ven0m

Headover wrote:

Ive been going out with my girlfriend for 3 months and last night told her i loved her. Didnt really want to because i thought it was to soon but it was driving me mad so I had to say it. Honestly I thought she'd say it back but she didnt.
Now im i dont know what to do with it. Do i keep saying it to her as if all is normal. I dont want to force her to love me, will this pressure her? Will i just go back to all that 'really like you' stuff.
One other thing that made me think is that she has a 3 year old. Could she be afraid or careful to fall in love for the sake of her kid.
Unrequited love is tough on the emoticons!!

'I Love You' are the three most over-used & under-meant group of words in the english language. The thing about 'being in love' with someone is that there is no set time to fall in love with someone, it could be in an instant, something that happens after a week of knowing them, 3 months or 3 years...

You did NOTHING WRONG by telling her how you felt but at the same time you shouldn't seek for her to say it back. People fall in love with each other at different stages, & yes sometimes it happens at the same time but you've told her how you feel, so you shouldn't feel the need to say it every so often. If she didn't already know, she does now - no need to drive the point home.

Let her come around herself & let her find out for herself how she feels. The good sign is that when you said it she didn't cut & run. My ex ran for the hills when I told her I loved her practically there & then.

If it's meant to be, she'll discover & realise for herself she loves you & when she feels right in her own heart & mind she'll tell you without you prompting for it that she loves you, so patience is the virtue you have to play here & just go with the flow....

It ain't easy telling someone you love them when you mean it so kudos to you mate.... hang in there, let this progress naturally & see where it takes you & what happens.


::: ven0mous :::

Doodee

just enjoy the time yee spend together and dont expect for return gestures, otherwise you'll only end up disappointed.

Unconditional = No conditions, remember.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice.

Unrequited in that she she say it back. Never that easy to hear (or not to hear in this case). First time.
I know to leave her and never rush these things and i know its seems kind of rushed but the heart wants.... Was kind of surprised myself!!!!
I dont mind so much that she didnt say it back, obviously would have liked hear it but she didnt run which was good. Was a nice night aswell. Felt closer than ever.
Quote
"yes sometimes it happens at the same time but you've told her how you feel, so you shouldn't feel the need to say it every so often. If she didn't already know, she does now - no need to drive the point home."

What do i say now? When i say goodbye, or talk on the phone or texts or whatever do i say 'love you'. Dont want to smuther her or pressure her. As venom says i want it to run naturally.
Things are going really good and last thing i want is for her to get scared and run.

Beruthiel

Headover wrote:

What do i say now? When i say goodbye, or talk on the phone or texts or whatever do i say 'love you'.

why would you?
if it's said too often it looses it's effect imo - when only said rarely then it's impact is more effective.
as I have said already, use is sparingly!

Rossonero

Just because someone doesn't say the words, don't mean they don't feel the words.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

why would you?
if it's said too often it looses it's effect imo - when only said rarely then it's impact is more effective.
as I have said already, use is sparingly!

Yeah i know what you mean. Kinda happened a few years back. I think, neh i know its gonna be right. Just over analysising and worry over nothing.
Thanks

ChRoMe

I would be scared if a girlfriend said "I love you" after going out for 3 months. I'd imagine she feels the same. Its uber heavy stuff for so early in the relationship imho

ChRoMe

WhiteWashMan

stop worrying. youre going to give yourself a stomach ulcer if you keep it up.

if you want to say it, then say it. if you dont, then dont.

if she doesnt want to know about it, she will tell you.

but if you are going to say iut, say it because you mean it, not just because you are excited over something new and smashing and wonderful. thats not love, thats something new and wonderful and smashing and it gives you butterflies.
but it aint love.

but theres no reason why you cant mention all these things instead. im sure she probably feels the same. first stage of a relatinship ius always like that.

love kicks in when you are together after a year, and you discover there are nights when actually youd prefer to go to sleep than have sex (allegedly!)

LegacyUser

WhiteWashMan wrote:

love kicks in when you are together after a year, and you discover there are nights when actually youd prefer to go to sleep than have sex (allegedly!)

Well guess ive never been in love then!!!! Wouldnt be looking forward to that love to much. More of sleep after sex guy.

Santa Claus

I had a similar situation with an ex. I found after 4 months I was head over heels about this girl (and probably still am, but thats another PI post) and one night when we were alone I just had to tell her how I felt.

Main thing I'd say is to let her know that you're not saying it just because you want to hear it back (If you are then you're saying it for the wrong reasons) and that you don't mind not hearing her say it as you'd prefer to wait and hear her say it when she means it.

LegacyUser

ChRoMe wrote:

I would be scared if a girlfriend said "I love you" after going out for 3 months. I'd imagine she feels the same. Its uber heavy stuff for so early in the relationship imho

ChRoMe

You dont think you could ever fall for someone that quick? Never thought it myself but here i am. All good

CathyMoran

Not everyone says "I love you" at the same time - those three words can be the most over used in the English language. If you feel that you are in love then no matter at what stage they are said they are valid - there is no point in biting your tongue about when you next say them but when you do say them mean them Your girlfriend will say them in her own time but it does not mean that she does not love you. Remember saying I love you spontaneously with a quiver in my voice, this was after saying it before to the same person but I realised that I had not fully meant them until then - it was almost a year and a half after I started dating that person - I did not get a reply back but I knew that the feelings were reciprocated - I could see it in his eyes and feel it in the tremble in his hug.

simu

She's still going out with you so she must have some interest in you. Chill out and enjoy her company.

WhiteWashMan

headover wrote:

Well guess ive never been in love then!!!! Wouldnt be looking forward to that love to much. More of sleep after sex guy.

and some day you will actually mature into an adult and you will find that life doesnt revolve around your cóck, that not every woman has a screaming orgasm, and not every sexual encounter will end up like some porn scene.

galwaydude

chill out and stop worrying, she will say it when she feels like it.Its only 3 months afterall.
I was the same with my GF, took 4 months before i said it, just happened one night. As cathy said its in the actions that the other person shows, it might be a hug or a kiss or some nice thing that you have done for that person. Just chill!!

ChRoMe

"You dont think you could ever fall for someone that quick? Never thought it myself but here i am. All good"

Your missing my point. I have fallen into "lust" after 3 weeks in a relationship and have had very strong feelings towards someone in a short amount of time. I think that any new relationship brings those feels on. However the word "love" is very overused and under valued I dont think its possible to know enough after 3 months to say you "love" someone in the way that most people associate with the word.

Being in love with someone is like loving every little thing about them.
All those habits that seem cute in the first 6 months can quickly turn into something that does your ****ing head in on a daily basis. Its after that time has passed you still care more about that person than anything else. You cant get to that point until after having spent a large amount of time with that person (note: 3 months is not a long peroid of time)

ven0m

WhiteWashMan wrote:

and some day you will actually mature into an adult and you will find that life doesnt revolve around your cóck, that not every woman has a screaming orgasm, and not every sexual encounter will end up like some porn scene.

Damn straight.....


::: ven0mous :::

LegacyUser

WhiteWashMan wrote:

and some day you will actually mature into an adult and you will find that life doesnt revolve around your cóck, that not every woman has a screaming orgasm, and not every sexual encounter will end up like some porn scene.

Guess ive not been lucky enough to get there yet. Maybe my youth and supposed immaturity has thwarted any chance of falling totally in love and getting into jammies for a good night sleep. Lol

Everyones view of love is different and you dont have to be with someone a year to know if you are in love. If after a year all you want to is snuggle up and go to sleep thats fine. Doesnt make you more 'in love' than the couple down the road going at hell for leather every night.

Quote
Being in love with someone is like loving every little thing about them.
All those habits that seem cute in the first 6 months can quickly turn into something that does your ****ing head in on a daily basis. Its after that time has passed you still care more about that person than anything else. You cant get to that point until after having spent a large amount of time with that person (note: 3 months is not a long peroid of time)
Quote

Im more inclined to agree with ChRoMe. 3 months is not long i know, Im looking forward to see what stuff might wreck my head and dealing with it but moreso to the stuff that will melt my heart and surprise me every day.
At the moment I know how I feel and nobody can tell me any different. If you guys dont think it possible thats fine (obviously) but dont try and convince me otherwise. I never asked for people to tell what love is or help make that decision.
Your advice IS much appreciated and helpful and thanks for the help.
May leave it with youse.
Thanks