How long to wait/New Girlfriend

LegacyUser

Ok this isn't a very important issue compared to some of those here. I have a new girlfriend. Been seeing each other about 2 months. But we haven't slept together yet. All the signs are that she likes to wait although we haven't talked about it specifically. I don't mind waiting but I did have a long term girlfriend of more than 3 years, a good while back, so I suppose I got used to sex then. I'm kinda nervous about bringing the subject up because everything else is going great. So my question is - How long should I wait until I broach the subject? She also seems quite religious and I certainly am not so I've really got my fingers crossed that its not a "wait until marraige issue" We're both in our early/mid 20's but I'm fairly sure she's probably a virgin. Any insight from girls would be much appreciated. Everything else is fantastic so I don't want to ruin anything.

tinkerbell

It's quite simple - TALK to her about it, or wait for her to suggest it.

If you think you're mature enough to have sex, then you should be talking to her, not coming on here expecting to get answers from a bunch of strangers.

D

Surely you should have some idea about how far she is willing to go from your "snuggling." Remember if you mention it then she might feel that she has to or is supposed to, I know that you don't want to force her but it might make her commit to something that she is not ready for. Remember she might not have the experience that you do and if she is a virgin then this is a very big step. I'm sure that you don't want her to do something that she would later regret. I would wait and try to let things happen naturally. If you do mention it, and then she later on wants to then you should make sure, ABSOLOUTELY sure, that she is totally comfortable and wants to do it. Once again I don't think you should pressure her, I would wait for it to happen naturally.

pickarooney

What are these signs of which you speak? How far have you gone?

e38418

Guest for now wrote:

I don't mind waiting

let her know and itll help her relax when ya do talk about it.dont just start the conversation over dinner or something tho,wait till it seems right eg when ya start snuggling or durin a sex scene in a film

The Corinthian

Guest for now wrote:

Ok this isn't a very important issue compared to some of those here. I have a new girlfriend. Been seeing each other about 2 months. But we haven't slept together yet. All the signs are that she likes to wait although we haven't talked about it specifically. I don't mind waiting but I did have a long term girlfriend of more than 3 years, a good while back, so I suppose I got used to sex then. I'm kinda nervous about bringing the subject up because everything else is going great. So my question is - How long should I wait until I broach the subject? She also seems quite religious and I certainly am not so I've really got my fingers crossed that its not a "wait until marraige issue" We're both in our early/mid 20's but I'm fairly sure she's probably a virgin. Any insight from girls would be much appreciated. Everything else is fantastic so I don't want to ruin anything.

Ask her, you baccala. Neither one of you is a kid anymore and so, given that this is an issue for you, the subject hasn’t come up after two months of seeing each other is a bit insane. Personally I’d bring up the subject after two hours.

Actually, scratch that, worse than insane - what kind of relationship do you have with each other if you can’t discuss sex? Seriously.

If she wants to go to the alter in a white dress, then it’s your call as to whether it can work for you or not - and if not fair enough. It may simply be a case that she’s expecting you to broach the issue (sad but true, some women - even in their thirties - seem to think that they can’t initiate it). Either way you have to ask.

azezil

The Corinthian wrote:

Actually, scratch that, worse than insane - what kind of relationship do you have with each other if you can’t discuss sex? Seriously.

Two early to mid 20 yr old's dating for 2 months, I'm inclined to agree. Something seriously wrong if you don't feel comfortable talking about sex with each other.

Zulu

Mid twenties?!? Are you menthol? Personally I'd have brought it up by date 3. (Before I'd even consider going out with her) That being said - each to their own. You know her best, she could have issues etc..

LegacyUser

pickarooney wrote:

What are these signs of which you speak? How far have you gone?

I have no problem bringing the subject up. Just always seems to be friends around or just bad timing. I had planned on saying it next weekend cos it is getting a little frustrating. Although the two months isn't as bad as it seems as we haven't seen each other that regularly. Maybe once a week sometimes. Both working different areas. As regards how far we've gone, well no more than heavy petting. This is strange for me too as I would normally go further than this on a first date, at least third date. I've asked if she wants to stay over, but she gives a coy refusal. She lives further from city so it would make sense to stay even if nothing happened at all. If i even go to touch anywhere more than her back or her legs I can feel her hand kinda nudging my hand further away and holding it.

Zulu

Cut and run my friend.

koneko

Going out for 2 months and you're never alone? Always friends about? I really don't mean any offense by this, but that sounds more like you're teenagers.

If she's nudging you away when you're just touching her back or legs then I'd say you're going to be in for a looong wait (or a quick marriage - which obviously isn't a good idea).

The Corinthian

koneko wrote:

Going out for 2 months and you're never alone? Always friends about? I really don't mean any offense by this, but that sounds more like you're teenagers.

Indeed, if you’ve never really been alone or it’s always been bad timing then you don’t actually have a relationship - at least, as the preternaturally delectable koneko implied, an adult relationship.

The bottom line is you’re unhappy with the present situation so, unless you’re happy with perpetual blue balls, either you face the issue and talk with her on it or, as Zulu suggested, cut and run.

LegacyUser

Zulu wrote:

Cut and run my friend.

I'll give it another 2 weeks. Get past Paddy's day and see what happens.

Beruthiel

koneko wrote:

Going out for 2 months and you're never alone? Always friends about? I really don't mean any offense by this, but that sounds more like you're teenagers.

If she's nudging you away when you're just touching her back or legs then I'd say you're going to be in for a looong wait (or a quick marriage - which obviously isn't a good idea).

koneko has said it all for me

get her alone and talk to her about this cos somethings just not right here..

ChRoMe

2 months and you still havnt?! Erm that doesnt sound like a relationship.

3 words

Drop

The

Hand

You'll find out where you stand quick enough. I still cant possibly understand how you are in the situation you describe but stranger things have happened I suppose

ChRoMe

The Corinthian

ChRoMe wrote:

You'll find out where you stand quick enough. I still cant possibly understand how you are in the situation you describe but stranger things have happened I suppose

If she presses charges then it was not to be.

ChRoMe

I didnt suggest rape.

Sure if he is in a "relationship" with her surely they are doing the whole cuddle thing so it wouldnt be that hard to do

Sleepy

I've heard of it before, and indeed been in a relationship before where the girl in question was absolutely terrified of sex, no problems with anything else, just absolutely terrified of sex. Turned out she was actually terrrified of getting pregnant to an alarming degree. If it turns out to be something like that and you can live with just getting head I don't see a problem

joejoem

ChRoMe wrote:

2 months and you still havnt?! Erm that doesnt sound like a relationship.

3 words

Drop

The

Hand

You'll find out where you stand quick enough. I still cant possibly understand how you are in the situation you describe but stranger things have happened I suppose

ChRoMe

Ha ha ha this is funny because its true. Just be forward, Women like a man to take control, even if you cant do it in person, start to send her dirty texts. The longer you leave it the harder it will get.

The Corinthian

Guest for now wrote:

I'll give it another 2 weeks. Get past Paddy's day and see what happens.

Sure. Maybe the problem will have fixed itself by then.

LegacyUser

The Corinthian wrote:

Sure. Maybe the problem will have fixed itself by then.

Yea hopefully. Its not a big problem and I haven't been to forward at all. So I'll bring the subject up next weekend. She did mention in passing that she's a slow mover but I didn't follow up on that remark. Suppose I should have. Might have a better idea now. This is a strange predicament for me to be in. I've been there done that a hundred times over so I'm definitely not shy about bringing things up or getting things up ;-)
Out of interest whats the longest time someone has started going out with someone without getting any? Mine has been about a year but that was when i was 17 so doesn't really count. After that its about 2 dates.

Santa Claus

joejoem wrote:

The longer you leave it the harder it will get.

I think that's stating the obvious Joejoe

MaddyDv

If all your concerned about is the sex bit you definitely dont have a relationship. I have a friend like the girl you are talking about and she's the nicest girl ever just doesnt think sex should be such a big thing in a relationship...everyones different! I think you should just finish it with her because if all your worried about is sex and after 2 months you still "havent done it" and you dont even know how she feels about it.....Time to find some one on your own level mate!

Zombienosh

In all honesty, If you can't even talk about it.....how do you expect to do it at all.

MaddyDv

here here

Zulu

MaddyDv wrote:

If all your concerned about is the sex bit you definitely dont have a relationship. I have a friend like the girl you are talking about and she's the nicest girl ever just doesnt think sex should be such a big thing in a relationship...everyones different!

Perhaps, for teenagers. :rolleyes:
In most adult relationships, people recognise that sex is a massively important factor.

Time to find some one on your own level mate!

You've hit the nail on the head here. (for reasons see above)

MaddyDv

Very true, sex is needed in a relationship but do they really have one(relationship that is)? They dont talk about it...never on their own....Sounds more like "cuddle buddies" to me!

Zulu

MaddyDv wrote:

Very true, sex is needed in a relationship but do they really have one(relationship that is)? They dont talk about it...never on their own....Sounds more like "cuddle buddies" to me!

Well thats true (sorry pick you up wrong there). Their relationship sounds pretty immature alright.

MaddyDv

we shouldnt really make judgements on the girl tho, you never know...maybe she'd had something happen to her in the past and it makes her uncomfortable to be with a man intimately...thats why they need to talk...TALK TO HER MAN WOULD YOU!! there could be a very legit reason she is the way she is...or maybe u just dont turn her on...either way you need to talk to her

king_of_inismac

Im not sure I'd agree with a lot of the posts here. From what you've said, you seem to believe she's a virgin, and so she is probably very nervous about sex. This isn't an issue about maturity so to speak.

Some people have said that you sound like a pair of teenagers. On one hand I'd agree, at this stage of your relationship, you should be able to talk openly about sex. On the other hand, I would disagree with some of the posters here, who suggest your relationship is immature because you havent had sex yet. There are numerous reasons why she mightn't be eager to rush into sex. The mature action is to talk to her, and not simply dismiss her because she doesn't jump into bed with you on the first night...

Just be gentle with her and listen to what she has to say..