Need to vent - life sucks!

LegacyUser

ok i guess this post is just an outlet for a much-needed rant. so apologies in advance.
at the moment life is pretty shítty and im just finding things a bit difficult, particularly at home. nothing seems to go right lately.

i'm the youngest of 3 girls and i'm the only one living at home, yet i may aswell not be here for the amount of notice my parents give me.

the eldest....well now she is just the jewel in the family crown and can do no wrong. the middle sister used to have a pretty tough relationship with the folks but now shes settled in her own house and has a baby. suffice to say the middle sister is now wonderful.

now dont get me wrong, i love my sisters very much and i am especially close to the middle sister. she is my best friend and i would do anything for her.

my eldest sister, well we have an ok relationship. we can stay in and have a few beers and a laugh but more often than not it will end up in a row because we are very different. herslef and the middle sister dont really get on at all.

so anyway, anytime my eldest comes home for the weekend there ends up being a row. i reckon its just a clash of personalities.....coupled with a major superiority complex. i'm 21 yet she still considers me a child and therefore my opinion on aything is meaningless. so when a row does happen, i'm constantly in the wrong. and my parents are very quick to tell me that!

i hate living in this house. im in my second year of college and my dad couldnt even tell my aunt what year im in. they have no interest whatsoever. anytime i try to talk to them about college or any problems i might be having there, all i get is "well you knew it wasnt going to be easy" or "sure such is life" and then thats it! thats just from my mother.....my father can barely take his eyes away from his laptop long enough to listen. if it was either of the other two, they'd be all ears.

as for their relationship.....christ its fúcking baltic when they're in a room together. there is zero conversation unless theres re-decorating going on or unless they're fighting (which is pretty much all the time). they cant stand each other.

i know most people will say move out but im not working at the moment because i have fallen so far behind in college that i dont have time if i want to pass the year....something which is looking more and more impossible as time goes on. but sure they never expected me to do anything great anyway.

at my last birthday i heard my mam and uncle talking, it went a little something like this:

Uncle: So what is she studying in college?
Mam: oh shes just doing an arts degree
Uncle: very good and did she get her exams this year?
Mam: yea, they were just passes though.

nice eh? so im "just" doing an arts degree and im "just" getting passes.... well actually last year in all my exams i was in the high 50s and considering the amount of work i didnt do i was quite pleased with that. but again thats not good enough.

if i even try to tell them how i feel im told im being ridiculous, childish and stupid.

i'm sorry that this is such a long and waffly post but i just really needed to get all that out.

The_Conductor

It can be difficult for elder siblings to appreciate that their younger siblings are all grown up. I'm 30- the eldest of 7, the youngest is 20, a year younger than you. Yet, I have a picture of her when she was about 10 in my mind, that is just difficult to dispell. Its not really a superiority complex on your sister's part- more a lack of recognition that you have grown up. Ignore it. Treat her as an equal. If she has a problem with that- its her problem, not yours.

Re: everything else, yes, it does sound pretty bad. You're out of the house a lot now with college though- you have your own life, even if you are still living at home. Make the most of things. I know its difficult, when you are still living at home- think a lot of us have been there, time will move on though- faster than you think.

Keep your chin up.

Grimlock

feelin_sh&#237 wrote: »

considering the amount of work i didnt do i was quite pleased with that. but again thats not good enough.

I'm not meaning to beat down on ya but that's not the most mature attitude. I've done the whole college thing and I too have taken the approach of "OK I did well and did no work so imagine what I could do if I worked at it!"
If you actually think about it logically you'll see that it's not too grown up.
Maybe it's this kind of attitude that has your family thinking your immature.
For next term work hard and if your mother says something like this you can correct her with pride, because high fifties or not your mother wasn't wrong or lying when she said you got passes.

Ok, to resolve the situation you should correct your parents when they get things that are important to you wrong, do it forcefully but not aggressively, sometimes when emotions are high this line becomes blurred.
As for your oldest sister, identify what causes the fights, I'll bet you'll discover that the causes are usually very similar, by spotting these causes you may be able to take steps to avoid these fights. You say you are best friends with your other sister, ask her opinion, I've seen a lot of people who act very differently around siblings, especially older siblings, it may be that you act a little differently around your older sister, you may not realise it but a 3rd party like you sister might spot any changes in your behaviour.

After that then you've just another 1 to 2 years of college/ living at home, I know you feel trapped now but that time will pass and when you finish and get a job you can support yourself and be totally independent. Try to focus on the things you enjoy in life, spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies etc. and don't let the things that bother you affect you so much.
There are an awful lot of people out there with much greater problems, you have both parents in your life, you are supported (perhaps not to the extent that you’d like), you're in college and you've a world of opertunities open to you and that's just the tip of the ice berg of things you have going for ya.

Smile and the world will smile back at you.
Good Luck

Kimbot

Parents and siblings are a strange bunch. I'm from a family of 5 and I'm lucky number 3 so i'm stuck in the middle and for 17 years I thought nobody cared about me until I was lying in hospital ready to go in for an operation. It was the only time my 2,brothers, 2 sisters and mother told me that they loved me and it was the first and only time they ever said it to me and from that moent on I could see that they cared. Regardlesss of how it's shown they all care about you and one day you will realise it so don't get yourself down.

LegacyUser

I can sympathise with you a little.

during college, my parents and siblings couldnt tell me or anyone what course I was studying for 4 years.

Honest! It annoyed me a little but more often than not it amused me!

Also, I worked for nearly 3 years in a company and they knew the area I worked in but couldnt tell me the name of the company I worked in or where it was, even what my job was! I often joked with them that if something serious happened and they had to come to my building, they would get lost!

It is, and probably always will be, the opposite for the rest of my siblings.
Then again, they do tend to talk more about their work, what happened etc etc. I guess people arent interested if you dont speak up!

Im sure if I made an issue of it, people would sit up a little and take notice but I choose not to.

But I think, this is my family, but they are people too - they do not have to be interested in everything I do. What I work in - they have no interest! My siblings work in jobs that my parents would have more interest in and I understand that. of course if I had a problem though, and I asked for help, my family would be the first to jump to help me.

I wouldnt take the whole sibling/family thing straight to heart. I know that I may not be the first person in the house to whom my family ask "how was your day?" but I know that they love me.

I think if you look, youll realise this too. Sounds like they are putting you through college. If they didnt love you, believe me, they wouldnt be so helpful. They are giving you opportunites. I'd say your parents, if they are like most parents, havent a clue about the course you are studying, what a pass is, how much an honours is etc etc. Imagine explaining this to your uncle? Your uncle probably hadnt a clue either!

If you want them to notice things and its come to a head, then Im afraid you will have to say/do something about it and speak up.

Victor

Your eldest sister is the golden child, you are the "baby" and the middle one is called Malcolm.

I suspect they see you as a whinger, as to whether this is (relatively) true is another matter. The eldest probably sees herself in the role of the one in charge and you are trying to usurp her power and privilege.

You might do some research on this and try to find someway of asserting yourself (you're important, but so am I). My youngest niece used to resort to fighting and arguing, but that is hardly constructive.

Your parents (and sisters) need to see you as an adult, but you also need to allow them be parents.

billy the squid

i'm the youngest of 3 girls and i'm the only one living at home, yet i may aswell not be here for the amount of notice my parents give me.

try being number 14 in a family of 15, it might seem as though your not getting as much attention but it is probably a case of your other sisters having issues that need dealing with at the moment, whether it be having to mind the sisters children or something like that.

and you know they are going to give loads of attention to their grandkids, most grandparents do.

my eldest sister, well we have an ok relationship. we can stay in and have a few beers and a laugh but more often than not it will end up in a row because we are very different. herslef and the middle sister dont really get on at all.

how much beer has to be consumed before the rows start?

to be quite honest though it is not uncommon in my own experience for families to fall out with one another when the children reach adulthood. out of the fourteen other siblings in my family i can count the ones i am on good terms with on one hand.

if you are not happy at home then you might be better off moving out. use the time off during the summer holidays to do this if necessary that s what I would do. I was in the middle of college when I moved out of the family home because of constant rowing (one of my sisters is fond of the drink and a notorious ****sturrer) it wasnt easy but i think im better off having done it.