Questions

Discoballpaul · 18-07-2001 9:04am #1

Q. What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?
A: Nice tits!

Q: What is the definition of Confidence?
A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap
her on the ass and say, "You're next!"

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

Q. What do women and prawns have in common?
A. Their heads are full of **** but the pink bits taste great

Q: What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
A: One says ribbit ribbit, the other one says rub-it rub it!

Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself!!

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

Q: How do you tell that you have a high sperm count ?
A: Your bird has to chew before she swallows

Q: Why do seagulls have wings?
A: To beat the gypsies to the rubbish tip.

Q: What is the speed limit for sex?
A: 68 - because if you go 69 you turn over

Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "It might take me a while to get hard I just got laid last night

Q: What is the politically correct name for Lesbian?
A: "Vagitarian"

Q: What is the difference between a 69 and driving in the fog?
A: When driving in the fog, you can't see the ******* in front of
you.

Q: What do Kodak and condoms have in common?
A: They both capture the moment.

Q: What's got 90 balls and makes women sweat?
A: Bingo.

Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light
bulb?

A: Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis,I mean
ladder.

Q: What's 100 yds long and smells of ****?
A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.

Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with
darkness"

Q: What have the Gas Board and pelicans got in common?
A: They can both stick their bills up their **** .

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the **** out of the dog.

Q: What have women and condoms got in common?
A: If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.

Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
A: Well endowed.

Q: What's the difference between PMT and BSE?
A: One's mad cow's disease and the other's an agricultural problem.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a
dead
lawyer in the road
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog

Q: Who is the only man, weighing over 11st, who has ridden a
Derby
winner since 1945?
A: Lester Piggott's cell mate.

Q: What does Joan Collins put behind her ears to attract men?
A: Her feet.

Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can get to sleep with a light on.

Q: How do you make a dog drink?
A: Put it in a liquidizer.

Q: How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's probably screwed in too tight anyway.

Q: What's got 500 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row at a Boyzone concert.

Q: What's got four legs and an arm?
A: A rottweiler.

Q: What's got two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog.

Q: What have a fat woman and a moped got in common?
A: They're both OK for a ride until your mates find out.

Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

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