Dunno Wot to Do!!!!!

Motley Crue

Hey.

Im going on 20 soon, and Im a single white male from the Greater Dublin area. This is prob going to sound really weird, but im gonna go ahead and say it anyway. The truth is ive been single forever, never had any sort of decent relationship with a girl, had one last summer but it wasnt what you'd call a good relationship, and she broke it off in a very cold way stating "i just didnt know what i wanted and i still dont". However, my problem does not concern her, and ive been able to move and go out to clubs and on occassion, although not a lot, but it does happen, i get talkin to a girl and before i know it im meeting her. But therein lies the problem.

Now before you say anything, im not gay, i do enjoy kissing girls and everything works the way its supposed to when its supposed to, so ive never been worried about my sexuality, but i am worried about having proper relationships with women. I mean I do want to be in a relationship. I have a hard enough time getting involved with situations in which i can actually meet and talk with girls, and when I do, i keep thinking to myself "ok, shes kissing me, but id like something more". IM NOT OUT FOR A ONE NIGHT STAND, im not out for sex with the first girl i can find, but id rather a girl didnt kiss me, had a good conversation with me and then when i casually ask if she wouldnt mind meeting up again at a later date, or try and give her my number, she wouldnt be so hesitant. Obviously girls in bars act like guys in bars, and getting someone to meet you on a night is a huge kick, especially if they're a stranger, but i suppose i'd just like to know from people out there what I could do. I am looking for a relationship but i dont desperately beg the girl to go out with me and i dont think i come on too strong personally, i just tell her that "id really like to see her again if she'd like to catch a movie or something".

Bars arent the best place in the world to meet girls, id admit that, but im unfortunet in that i dont hang around with loads of guys who can casually introduce me to girls on nights out and my college also really sucks for that, so its like i dont go to college. To make matters worse my job has no real staff in it, and so there's no real hope there. I know i sound like a winy moany p***k, but please help me cause bars and nights out are currently the only real place i have to meet women in any way and i dont think im wrong to just ask a girl if she wants to meet up again, i just dont know what im doing wrong. My heart is in the right place, honest.

kasintahan

You're 20. Personally I wait another 10-15 to start getting worried.

Motley Crue

thanks for the response, but my problem is im not worried about it because of age, im just worried full stop. I know im young and I have plenty of time, but it still concerns me.

BuffyBot

Perhaps if you spent less time worrying about it, you might have more luck..

iguana

You are right, meeting random strangers in bars isn't the best way to meet someone. When 2 people get together on a night out more often than not at least one of them is only looking for fun that night. And the chances of you getting to know each other and find out that there might be more in it are hampered by the drink and the setting. (Though it can happen, my friend met her husband in a bar).

Have you thought of taking an evening class in something you are interested in? Not with the over-riding intention of meeting a girl, but in order to expand your social horizons a bit. If neither your college or your job have much social outlet it sounds like it could be good for you.

Perhaps a sport or martial art, a language or music class, a drama group or you could volunteer somewhere. Think of something you are interested in or have always wanted to do and do that. Even in something like a sport where you only meet guys you will make new friends and get to meet their female friends.

And relax a little, you are 19. You are still growing up and will have a lots opportunities to meet people all through your life.

Jonny Arson

I'm in a bit of a similar situation there. I'm 19 myself and I've never really been in a proper relationship with a girl and its constantly bothering me as to why I can't find someone.

I have no probs chatting to girls or getting along with them but I'm always just the guy girls are friendly to and nothing else. I genuinely think that no females have any interest in me because no girl ever seems to show interest. I don't understand why this is as I am a freindly, honest, humorous bloke and I hate to sound like a twat but I am quite ok looking wise.

What really is a huge problem for me in meeting ladies is that similarly to you I find pubs/nightclubs extremely daunting for some reason. In clubs for some reasson I don't have the courage to go up talking to a girl when I'm sober. When I have alcohol on me I do have the courage to go up but when I'm drunk I come across as quite immature and annoying in terms of being a bit childish in a good nice manner so that means I'm always being told to piss off.

I know both you and I are 19 and we have so many years ahead of us to meet so many wonderful ladies but its quite annoying when you know you are a good guy and you just can't get anyone. Its very much true the b*stards get the ladies at our age but I can assure you in a few years time when girls of our age develop some intelligence and cop on you will have no bother. It may take time to find the rright person but it will be worth it in the end!

Zane from MTV2

Zane from MTV2 wrote:

I know both you and I are 19 and we have so many years ahead of us to meet so many wonderful ladies but its quite annoying when you know you are a good guy and you just can't get anyone. Its very much true the b*stards get the ladies at our age but I can assure you in a few years time when girls of our age develop some intelligence and cop on you will have no bother. It may take time to find the rright person but it will be worth it in the end!

Have to agree with you on a few points here. I'm 20, a decent enough bloke, wouldn't hurt a fly, yet I've found it really hard to find someone (well I found someone but I still haven't told her how I feel about her). I don't go to clubs very much, and even if I do I'd never have the balls to talk to any girls. If I'm drunk I'm a little less hesitant but not much better. Even so, clubs are rubbish if you're serious.
And yes, I do think its the b*stards that get the girls at our age.

I'm also in the same boat as the OP in that I have a job where its just me and my boss - nobody else. Anyone I meet are clients in their schools, homes or offices and I don't think it would be appropriate to ask any of them out, lol.

I'm hoping it gets better soon.