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the good in you

  • 23-02-2005 3:47pm
    #1
    reality
    Closed Accounts Posts: 90 ✭✭


    09 – 11 – 03








    The good in you.


    Strange, isn’t it.
    I have searched for so long.
    Have felt so alone,
    And yet here you are.
    Strange, isn’t it.
    I look,
    For love, I guess,
    But just not yours.
    It’s not quite what I need.
    Strange, isn’t it.
    Seems like I’m
    Deluded,
    Intoxicated by you.
    Smothered by your presence
    And also the lack of it.
    What’s not so strange,
    However,
    Is the way,
    I can’t let you go.
    Through all the hurt,
    I stay struggling,
    And find,
    For the most part,
    The good in you.


Comments

  • #2
    BEAT
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 5,945 ✭✭✭BEAT


    you need some work with your punctuation but the poem is great,
    I really liked it ;)


  • #3
    the raven
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 329 ✭✭the raven


    i disagree with you beat. in poetry one of the most important technical tools is punctuation and when used in circumstances unfamiliar to the norm creates an unexpected effect that can add to the substance of the poem. an over-use of the comma in reality's poem may not have been out of ignorance but utilising it to slow the reading to such an extent that the reader has time to regard the importance of each word while reading... or maybe i'm completely wrong...


  • #4
    solas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,999 ✭✭✭solas


    I like, comprende.


  • #5
    reality
    Closed Accounts Posts: 90 ✭✭reality


    Just so as you know, I'm not a dimwit, :) the commas were on purpose!


  • #6
    ven0m
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,828 ✭✭✭ven0m


    I really dig it - reading it my first thoughts about it was almost like a deluge of thoughts where it bounces arounds, stops & starts - really impressed!!!!! Keep posting more !!!


    ::: ven0mous :::


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