Things I Wish I Learnt In School

stu_69

Things I Wish I Learnt In School

Many people say that it's good to learn from your mistakes. But there are some mistakes you should never make.

Like joining Amway. Or believing the nutritional-content pamphlets at McDonalds. It ain't nutritional if it's not in any known food group.

This month, take our useful advice that will help prevent you from such embarrassing incidents. It's much more fun to laugh at someone else, and then learn from their mistakes.

The downside of storing 100 rolls of spare toilet paper is a lot less bad than the downside of having one sheet too few.
Reach for the stars, but try not to fall in front of the paparazzi.
There aren't any prizes for coming last, except at kindergarten.
Be careful what you ask for; the repayments can be a killer.
It's not what you know, but what you say "no" to that's important.
Always put your shoes on after your underpants.
What you don't know could be very interesting.
To err is human. To **** up is computer. To annoy the **** out of you and **** up at the same time is Microsoft.
There are two types of people in this world. That's all. Just two.
Always get an itemised receipt. Except from a prostitute.
A bird in the bush is worth $80.
Necessity is the mother of invention. But the father is a condom made of cling film.
If at first you don't succeed, pretend you didn't want to succeed in the first place
Things You Wish You'd Learnt In School
Life is a dick in the ass so it pays to invest in some good lube.
John Bad
Getting married for a joke is not funny.
Dave
If a person has had a restraining order placed on them by the SPCA, they don't really love you.
Steven Rothenburger
Don't **** in the wind!!
Luca Pompilio
Shampoo doesn't taste as nice as it smells but sunscreen does.
Damon Stevesnon
You may have seen it on the Discovery Channel, but no... Don't pick up a child by the scruff of the neck.
Clare Hampson
Never get into a strange man's car. Have sex with them in the park where there's more room.
brian vo
Commitment is for those who have run out of excuses to break-up.
Von
Sticks ands stones may break my bones, but words can cause permanent psychological damage.
Bud Wiser
If it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck and walks like a duck it'll probably be hosting the footy show in 6 months.
brian vo
Be nice to the kids you think are dorks, they are the ones who will have the money later.
Tom Briseno
If it tastes like fish then it's a dish. If it smells like cologne, leave it alone.
Oloff
Wasabi only looks the same as a chunk of avocado...
Andrew Peck
You know you're a dork when you can see everyone from your engineering class' names on submission internet sites like this.
Dave Knight
A packet of condoms comes with instructions, but a packet of disposable razors does not. Who has ever cut themselves putting on a condom?
Jacques Hoerner
As a young child, I learnt Communism, it was share this, share that, everyone has the same amount....
At school it was Feudal, everything went to the king of the castle....
In the real world it's capitalism, the one with the most wins....
I wish they taught us that straight off.
Greg Dwyer
[I agree Greg. If I'd known the real world wasn't a medieval society, I wouldn't have wasted my teenage years playing Dungeons and Dragons - Liam]
In Las Vegas, having sex with a prostitute isn't cheating, its a souvenir.
Tom Arnott
[Surely, the crabs you take home is the souvenir - - Liam]
Having a passing car run over your foot, even if it's slowly, will break all your toes.
Fernando Rossi
Dencorub is not good for men's bits.
Gal
The word syllable only has three whatsanames
Dick Doff
On the last day of high school, my teacher told me that age teaches us. I wish I had learned that sooner so I wouldnt have had to go all them years of school to learn what age teaches me anyway.
Buzz Richards
While clapping may bring Tinker Bell back to life, it won't work with the bodies in my basement.
Christopher C. Hutcheson
I wish I had learnt to fart on more teachers heads.
Obnoxious Weed
Virginity is sooo overated.
Joy McClennan
It's really not worth wasting a lot of time trying to swim like Patrick Duffy in the man from Atlantis.
Matt Richardson
Intelligent insults are lost on idiots, but it's still fun to see them all confused!
Jane Mac
If oils ain't oils......then what are they?
Alice D
I wish my teacher told me right off the bat ..boyz are great, every girl should own 1!
Ashley Parsons
You can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them, and hope they panic and give in.
Courtney Robicheaux
A bird holding your hand isnt nearly worth as much a two hands in her bush!
Gordon Bell
Some grow out of it , some dont, some put out, most wont.
Terrell Gilley
What do you wish you'd learnt?