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How2Speak European

  • 04-04-2001 12:45pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9


    Got this e-mail not-so-long-ago:

    The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
    will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the
    other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government
    conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted
    a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

    In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
    the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour
    of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less
    letter.

    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome
    "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20%
    shorter.

    In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted
    to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
    will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent
    to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
    "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

    By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
    with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be
    dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid
    to ozer kombinations of leters.

    After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no
    mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
    Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,967 ✭✭✭adnans


    LMAO, excellent material.

    adnans


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,626 ✭✭✭smoke.me.a.kipper


    cool.gif LMAO

    -ciaran
    ciaran@ieatcatsforfun.com
    smoke-me-a-kipper@ihateclowns.com

    This post has been brought to you by the letter C, and the number 7.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,333 ✭✭✭Celt


    LOL class.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,313 ✭✭✭Paladin


    LOL


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,005 ✭✭✭strat


    yer smile.gifsmile.gifsmile.gifbiggrin.gifbiggrin.gifbiggrin.gif

    roflmfborh smile.gif

    "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,461 ✭✭✭--Kaiser--


    Brilliant!!! biggrin.gifbiggrin.gifbiggrin.gifbiggrin.gif


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,984 ✭✭✭✭Lump


    Nice one indeed.

    John


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,467 ✭✭✭Lucifer


    LOL, v funny!!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,281 ✭✭✭DeadBankClerk


    [ rolleyes.gif][ rolleyes.gif][ rolleyes.gif][ rolleyes.gif][ rolleyes.gif] 5/5 :0)

    - Dead Bank Clerk -
    [clergy]Altar Boy
    "Build a man a fire, and he'll
    be warm for a day. Set a man on
    fire, and he'll be warm for the
    rest of his life."


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 28,633 Mod ✭✭✭✭Shiminay


    Modify your account profile.

    wink.gif



    All the best,

    Dav
    @B^)
    <font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Prepare yourself - The Beefy King stirs from his slumber...</font>

    [honey i] violated [the kids]


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9 Syngen-Smythe


    Can anybody tell me how2 get one of those pics beside my name- i feel a bit left out!


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