mental health hotline

gimp, apparently

Well, it's been a long time since I've last updated this page. I'm sorry. I've spent the past four months being tortured by the Brazilian government for any American secrets I may know. Once they figured out that I didn't know anything useful beyond the names and powers of all 151 Pokemon, they stuffed my bodily orafices with cocaine and deported me to the states. So I'm baaaack!

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MENTAL HELP HEALTHLINE

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press since no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem. Please hang up. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you're from Cl*re, don't bother.

--Kaiser--

Once they figured out that I didn't know anything useful beyond the names and powers of all 151 Pokemon, they stuffed my bodily orafices with cocaine and deported me to the states. So I'm baaaack!

All right so, name them all for me now.

If you're from Cl*re, don't bother.

If your from cork, put the phone down, this is not the number of a sex line

gimp, apparently

calm down! jeez.. its not my fault if you live in a bog, go kick your parents in the balls.

--Kaiser--

Gimp has two mammies
one has a bollok

gimp, apparently

couldnt you have made up something that i didnt make up?

sh*t! its dinnertime!

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when am i gonna become a damn lieutenant??