A few alcoholic quotes for you

gandalf

Got this on a mail from my sister today, thought you lot would enjoy it
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A few alcoholic quotes for you:

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I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
* Frank Sinatra


The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
* William Butler Yeats


An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
* Ernest Hemingway


Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
* Ernest Hemingway


You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
* Dean Martin


Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.
* Anonymous


No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.
* G.K. Chesterton


Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
* Catherine Zandonella


Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
* Ambrose Bierce


Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
* Anonymous


A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
* W.C. Fields


Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
* Anonymous


If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
* David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
* Oscar Wilde


When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
* Henny Youngman


Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
* Michelle Mastrolacasa


I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
* Tom Waits


24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
* Stephen Wright


When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
* Brian O'Rourke


You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear
weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
* Frank Zappa


Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
* Winston Churchill


He was a wise man who invented beer.
* Plato


Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
* Benjamin Franklin


If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
* Deep Thought, Jack Handy


Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention,
but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
* Dave Barry


The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
* Humphrey Bogart


Why is American beer served cold?
So you can tell it from urine.
* David Moulton


Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
* Kaiser Wilhelm


I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
* Homer Simpson


Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
* Dave Barry

I drink to make other people interesting.
* George Jean Nathan


All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
* Homer Simpson

Cheez

reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol
*Jim Morrison

dakaiser

A hangover is the wrath of grapes. ~Author Unknown

Wine is bottled poetry. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

Remember: "I" before "E," except in Budweiser. ~Author Unknown

Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problems. ~Homer Simpson

Itsdacraic

"Sorry Garda I didn't mean to beat the head off her, but sure I'd a few too many"

Redsoxfan

"I spent 90% of my money on women & booze... the rest i wasted" ~ George Best

dSTAR

Redsoxfan wrote: »

"I spent 90% of my money on women & booze... the rest i wasted" ~ George Best

What a legend!

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

"Honestly - I haven't had a single kunt*, drinkstable..."
- anonymous drink-driver.

*Not a typo: just trying to get round the censorship

The_B_Man

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
* Ernest Hemingway

I always do that one. I had to!! Taught me to never make promises to people when im drunk.

kieranfitz

an alcoholic is anyone who can drink more then you, that you dont like.

unknown

marcsignal

"Yes I'm drunk, and you're ugly ! But at least I'll be sober in the morning"

i think that was Churchill again ?

entropi

marcsignal wrote: »

"Yes I'm drunk, and you're ugly ! But at least I'll be sober in the morning"

i think that was Churchill again ?

Yup was himself that time too

piedpiper

"What seems to be the officer problem?"

Randy Marsh

Steve

"I drink to make other people interesting."

AH...

dSTAR

SteveC wrote: »

"I drink to make other people interesting."

Funnily enough I do this too. But I am not an alcoholic...

Alcoholics go to meetings

Esel

When snakes get drunk, they see me.

Steve

dSTAR wrote: »

Funnily enough I do this too. But I am not an alcoholic...

Alcoholics go to meetings

I was quoting the op..;)

maybe your right though - I probably do need help.















*hic*

burgess1

"I swear to drunk I'm not God."

"I'm not under the affluence of inclohol."

dSTAR

SteveC wrote: »

I was quoting the op..;)

Sheriously you look mighty sweet over there boy @#$#

Steve

dSTAR wrote: »

Sheriously you look mighty sweet over there boy @#$#

ya lost me @ Sheriously..

do explain...

Peyton Manning

I have a great alcoholic quote.

"Your mother made me hit her, now go to bed before I stab you to death you little ****."

Wait a minute....

dSTAR

SteveC wrote: »

ya lost me @ Sheriously..

do explain...

Flaccid attempt at gay humor

I recall one time quite a few years back when I was passing by 'The George Bar' in Dublin I noticed a drunken guy arguing quite loudly with his mate about going into a gay bar. He remonstrated that he would never be seen dead in a gay bar and hated queers ... blah, blah, blah.

Later that night as I was lurching through the alleyway on my way home I noticed him in a doorway being groped heavily by two well built boys from the bar.

Had to laugh at how after few drinks he was anyone's baby.

JIZZLORD

if only i could remember anything from the quotes of shame list in the kitchen of my old flat.

Musha

eyes is not drunkes ossifer
Take me drunk i'm home

Steve

Drunk guy is trying to open the door on his car, Guard walks up:


Guard: Hello there sir, have you had a few drinks?

Drunk guy: *hic*

Guard: Well I hope you aren't thinking of driving then..

Drunk guy: *hic* of courrrse I am..... shur I'm in no condishuun to walk..

shane86

"Buckfast, clinically proven to keep top alcoholics drunk up to 33% longer"


Funniest one I was personally told

Blarney92

"It only takes one drink to get me drunk- trouble is I can't remember if its the 13th or 14th one..

kevmy

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