Long term crush, any advice?

LegacyUser

There's a girl in my area that I've fancied since September 1997. I find her unbelievably attractive and always did (blonde hair, blue eyes - the perfect combination). At the time, she was 16 and I was 13 so I thought to myself "its never going to happen" and didn't do anything. Those were the days, lol, if she sat beside me on the school bus I'd get the "butterflies" feeling.

But now I feel different, she's 23 and I'm 20. She works as a hairdresser in town. I take regular walks into town and she often offers me a drive if she sees me on the way. Sometimes I even time the trip to bump into her because I know the time that she goes back to work after her lunch break. Any time she sees me she always smiles and says hi, but I guess that's not necessarily anything like what I'd hope. Before last February I knew nothing about her but even now I know very little. I've chatted to her a few times since then but was always too shy to ask her out. I know that some of you might tell me "just do it", but I don't even know where to start. Drop into her for a haircut?? lol.

Recently a friend told me that she was getting married. He's a very unreliable source for information, and I have now found out that she's single and was never planning to get married.

So now I'm wondering what to do. I'm feeling a little weird since she's older than me. Also, it seems to be a physical attraction as I don't know much about her. Is this whole thing just a fantasy? What should I do? Seven years is a very long time to fancy someone for. But if I could go out with her even once it would be a dream come true.

dundealgan

Maybe the next time she offers you a lift, try to get the subject to where she socialises, and perhaps suggest going for a drink. It might not make her your girlfriend, but it would be a good way of getting to know a little more about her.

Or you could suggest meeting her for lunch one day when she is working!

Best of luck,
Sharon x

Exar Khun

Go for it! you'll always kick yourself for never trying.
aint "what if" a bitch ?
Get some !

goin'_to_the_PS

Why not

Third_Echelon

if you like her, just go for it. blurting it straight out may not be the best idea, but try to get to know her a bit better first. You dont really seem to know her on a personal level that well, so that should be your plan of attack.

You never know, you mightn't actually like her that much personality wise... But theres only one way to find out... And age doesnt really matter that much...

the_syco

Third_Echelon wrote:

And age doesnt really matter that much...

As Third_Echelon said, age matters zip, and once you've hit 20, and she's not above 8 years older than you, its all good.

preytec

can't understand that you don't know much about her.. if she gives you a lift would that not be the best time to have a chat? if it's a case of yous just having small talk, turn it around and ask her what she likes, where she drinks, her hobies and such, just make sure it's about her, you'll wast your time talking about people yous know.
from the sounds of things you only know her as a sex object, thats why you were getting them butterflies, if you do what to be with her you need to see she as a person more, don't get me wrong, it's good she turns you on, but if you want to be with her long term, you need to respect her as a person more so than a sex toy. the only way to do that is to talk to her, you have to do it, your mates can't do it for you
it's only going to be between you and her so the age thing dosn't not matter at all,

Kell

preytec wrote:

can't understand that you don't know much about her.. if she gives you a lift would that not be the best time to have a chat?

Its because the "should I ask her out so that I can get into her knickers" voice in his head completely drowns out what she is actually saying to him.

Find out if she is around some weekend and say you are headed to x place with y friends and would she like to come along? Going to a gig helps.

K-

Terrier

Life is short - Don't waist time thinking about all the if's and maybe's ...
You have nothing to loose...

silly

ask her where she goes out and when she said oh me and my mates are going to A, then u say oh my mates were talking about going there too, i might see u there! and then twist ur friends arms to go there wit u, and then you can chat away to her when u see her...maybe with the help of dutch courage? not too much though, u dont want to make a fool of urself and talk sh*t. go for it mate

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, all are appreciated.

As has already been mentioned I think that I might be seeing her too much as a sex object, she's a stunner but I really should see her for the girl inside.
The main reason why I don't know very much about her is that I don't meet her very often. Most of the time when I do meet her I seem to go totally shy and talk about something completely different. I see her regularly in the town but I'd have to stop her in the street to chat, maybe I should just do it though.

I took another walk today, hoping to see her again, turned out I did but she was driving the opposite way to me, d'oh. At this stage I'm ready for anything, at least if she says no to me it will put my mind at rest. Trying and failing isn't as bad as not trying at all. I'm gonna do it, just have to hope I see her now. Thanks all.

dundealgan

Good luck, let us know how it goes! xx Shaz

LegacyUser

You don't seem to have any qualms about your image or personality which would suggest to me that you picture you and her as a great couple. In which case go for it, fear of rejection hasn't been touched on just shyness. If it's just shyness learn to open up, just talk to the girl, make your intentions clear too though as you don't want to get stuck in that 'friend' zone.

cajun_tiger

do it...

LegacyUser

Trying to find this girl has been like trying to find a needle in a haystack, I still haven't seen her.

I do picture me and her as a good couple, at least I hope it would be true. I've always been a very shy person towards girls but I'm trying to put that aside to get some closure to this, one way or another. I know exactly what to say to her but just haven't seen her around to say it to her face.

Our water is off at the moment, not sure why, but if its still off tomorrow I was thinking of going up to her house to ask if her water is on. But I'm not so sure if asking her at her own house is a good idea either. She's an only child and lives with her mother (her dad passed away three years ago). So I'd be worried about her being embarrassed in front of her mother. She doesn't have a home phone, just a mobile (and I don't know the number). I certainly don't want to do anything when she's at work in case she gets embarrassed in front of co-workers. I'd prefer if it were just me and her when I eventually get the chance to talk to her.

This is proving to be extremely difficult already and I haven't even broken the ice!

LegacyUser

Was texting someone in an alley today around 5:30 when she passed by me! But all I could say was hi. What a waste.

Still, now I know when she's finished work so I might be able to do something, lunch is tough since I'm working full time now.

Do other people find it this hard to talk to someone they fancy?

aliveandkicking

ste84 wrote:

Do other people find it this hard to talk to someone they fancy?

yeah absolutely there always seems to be someone or something in the way when you want to speak to someone you fancy. :mad:

NeMiSiS

Yer gonna be a long time dead.
Make a God damn move.

Sleepy

You could always try taking advantage of the Hallmark holiday and sending her some flowers as a way of letting her know you like her...

BolBill

Try and stretch your legs and arms and get out of that cramped position.

goin'_to_the_PS

Kold- wrote:

You don't seem to have any qualms about your image or personality which would suggest to me that you picture you and her as a great couple. In which case go for it, fear of rejection hasn't been touched on just shyness. If it's just shyness learn to open up, just talk to the girl, make your intentions clear too though as you don't want to get stuck in that 'friend' zone.

off the subject but wasn't kold banned

Gordon

You're right, that is off the subject.

BrianD3

Do other people find it this hard to talk to someone they fancy?

The thing is, you don't just fancy her. There's a big difference between fancying some girl that you met in a bar two weeks ago and having a crush on someone for 7.5 years that started when you were 13. It's likely that she's a kind of fantasy figure for you. You're infatuated with her. You probably have her on a pedestel in your mind and think she's some kind of perfect beautiful angel.

Asking out someone you are infatuated with is nerve wracking. However it does sound like you are seriously considering it. This takes balls and if you manage to do it then fair play. Another thing to be aware of is if you end up dating her, she could be an awful disappointment to you. Remember that she is a flawed human being like everyone else and her sh1te smells just as bad as yours does.

BrianD3

LegacyUser

After almost one month since posting this thread I finally did it today.

I met her after work and she offered to take me home, as she does. We chatted for a while, and then I popped the question and asked her out. She was flattered but told me what I didn't want to hear - "I have a boyfriend." She took it well and said "thanks anyway" so I think it could have been 100 times worse. She didn't tell me to **** off or kill me, lol.

Oh well, at least I tried, life goes on. Thanks to everyone for your help.

Sherifu

Now she knows you're interested if she becomes available....
Now you know shes taken and can move on....
Better for everyone imo.
Well done on taking the leap.

Lex_Diamonds

Argh, hard luck man. Well done though. As the above poster said, she now knows your interested, thats a good thing, a veeery good thing....