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dumb lawers

  • 29-10-2000 4:38pm
    #1
    stu_69
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 568 ✭✭✭


    From the Salt Lake Tribune:

    "Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident.
    Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were
    taken from official court records nationwide...

    1. Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
    dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes
    quietly away and doesn't know anything about it
    until the next morning?

    2. Q: What heppened then?
    A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because
    you can identify me.'
    Q: Did he kill you?

    3. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

    4. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

    5. Were you alone or by yourself?

    6. How long have you been a French Canadian?

    7. Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

    8. Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize
    that picture.
    A: That's me.
    Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

    9. Were you present in court this morning when you were
    sworn in?

    10. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
    terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    11. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
    A: I'll be three months on November 8.
    Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was
    August 8?
    A: Yes.
    Q: What were you doing at that time?

    12. Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally
    stable?
    A: I used to be.
    Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

    13. So you were gone until you returned?

    14. Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there girls?

    15. You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what
    it looked like, but can you describe it?

    16. Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

    17. A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of
    unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself
    and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next
    question."

    18. Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you
    examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose
    Chapel?
    A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about
    8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that
    correct?
    A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the
    table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!




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