THE DUBLIN OLYMPICS

gandalf

This arrived in my mail today, enjoy

THE DUBLIN OLYMPICS


In an attempt to influence the members of the
international Olympic committee on their choice of venue for the games in 2008, the organisers of Dublin's bid have already drawn up an itinerary and schedule of events. A copy has been leaked and is reproduced below.


Opening Ceremony:
The Olympic flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a native of the city (preferably from the Finglas area), wearing the traditional costume of shell suit, man utd jersey, baseball cap,nike air runners and large pieces of gold jewellary. It will
burn for the duration of the games in a large chip van situated on the roof of the stadium.

The Events:
In previous Olympics games, Dublin's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local athletes.

100 Metres Sprint
Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and a microwave oven (one under each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a
cage 10 yards behind the athletes. By request gold silver and bronze medals will be replaced by varying doses of methadone in this event.

100 Metres Hurdles
As above but with added obstacles e.g. car bonnets, hedges,garden,fences,walls etc. The Tallaght team seem to have the advantage in this event.

Hammer
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use(claw, sledge etc.). The winner will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodily harm to member of the public within the time allowed.
Due to their expertise in this field Blanchardstown are expected to clear the board here

Fencing
Entrants will be asked to dispose of as much
stolen silver and jewellery as possible in 5 minutes. The lads from Ballymun are the bookey favourite

Shooting
A strong challenge is expected from the local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, the competitors will aim at a post office clerk, a bank teller or a wages delivery guard.

Boxing
Entry to this event will be restricted to husband and wife teams and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of Guinness while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.

Cycling Time Trials
Competitors will be asked to break into the Trinity's bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy from the country or the lovely South County Dublin on his first trip away from home. All
against the clock. Please note that no country folk or snobs will be hurt in this event because mummy and daddy will surely buy
them a nice car the next time.

Cycling Pursuit
As above but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team who will witness the theft.

Modern Pentathlon
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing,joy riding, and arson. The Ballyfermot team are by far the favourites here.

Swimming
Competitors will be thrown off the Millenium bridge into the Liffey and the first three survivors back will decide the medals.

Men's 50Km Walk
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Dublin.

OSiriS

*COUGH* a bit of originality plz, I posted that last year

Good one though innit

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Redesigned

richindub2

Lol,as the other guy said,tis still funny

oh and for those of us who weren't around back then its even funnier

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UP DA DUBS!!