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Hehe

  • 09-10-2000 7:14pm
    #1
    the fnj
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,398 ✭✭✭


    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he
    >>>>>>could
    >>>>>>hardly
    >>>>>> >>> >>>Speak.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > After mass he asked the monsignor how he had
    done.
    >>>>>>The
    >>>>>> >>> Monsignor
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > replied, "When I am worried about getting
    nervous on
    >>>>>>the
    >>>>>> >>> pulpit,
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
    If I
    >>>>>>start
    >>>>>>to
    >>>>>> >>> get
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > nervous, I take a sip.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > "So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice.
    At the
    >>>>>> >>> beginning
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He
    >>>>>>proceeded to
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > talk up a Storm. Upon his return to his office
    after
    >>>>>>mass,
    >>>>>>he
    >>>>>> >>> >>>found
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > the following note on the Door:
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet
    his
    >>>>>>ass.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the
    late
    >>>>>>J.C.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not
    >>>>>>referred to as
    >>>>>> >>> >>>Daddy,
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > Junior
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > and
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > the Spook.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the
    ****
    >>>>>>out of
    >>>>>> >him.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked
    off
    >>>>>>his
    >>>>>> >donkey,
    >>>>>> >>> >>>don't
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > say
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > >
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > he was
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > stoned off his ass.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last
    Supper he
    >>>>>>said,
    >>>>>> >>> "Take
    >>>>>> >>> >>>this
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > and eat it for it is my body." He did not
    say,
    >>>>>>"Eat
    >>>>>> >>> me."
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with
    the
    >>>>>>Cherry."
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not:
    >>>>>> >Rub-A-Dub-Dub
    >>>>>> >>> >>>thanks
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > for
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > the
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > grub, yeah God.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling
    >>>>>>contest at
    >>>>>> >St.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > Peter's,
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > not a
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > > peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
    >>>>>> >>> >>> > > > >


    [This message has been edited by The FANJ (edited 09-10-2000).]


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