Irish Driving Style

Enygma

It's true, it's true

>
>The "Boreen"
>
>(Pronounced: bore-een)
>
>The boreen is a back-road one step up from a cowpath in engineering terms.
>In fact many boreens were just cowpaths with some gravel or tarmac thrown
>over it.
>
>For anyone unfamiliar with cows and their travelling habits, their
>directional habits are somewhat erratic. Much of the Irish road
>infrastructure is comprised of
>
>boreens, and carries all types of traffic. Unfortunately for the
>unprepared,
>the boreen is a very intimidating place. Many visitors have been known to
>abandon their
>
>cars, running and screaming through the fields. They have often have
>recurring nightmares for many years afterwards and many need professional
>counselling.
>
>Most cars and trucks can go down them.. In one direction only. Be prepared
>to have much of your paintwork removed as you drive into the hedge to allow
>another
>
>car to pass. Progress is often impeded by larger trucks and tractors, where
>you must reverse until you find a gate or other spot where the road widens.
>Note: the
>
>larger vehicle always has the right of way! Two steps forward and one step
>back is the motto here.
>
>Dual Carriageways and Motorways
>
>Motorways in Ireland are a rather new phenomenon, and many motorists drive
>on them with some fear and bewilderment. Some are unsure of how to behave
>on
>
>them, probably because until very recently there was no mention of them in
>any rules of the road. Most however just treat them the same as dual
>carriageways.
>
>In the UK there are very clear rules about what you can and cannot do on a
>motorway, but these rules do not apply here. Parking on the hard shoulder
>is
>permitted.
>
>You may overtake in whichever lane has least traffic. When approaching a
>roundabout you may make every possible effort to get in front of the cars
>ahead before
>
>entering the roundabout.
>Dual carriageways on the other hand have been around for quite some time,
>but many motorists haven't grasped how to drive on them properly yet. Many
>do not
>
>realise that there is a differentiation between lanes, namely the inside
>lane is for faster vehicles overtaking. It is not uncommon to find yourself
>in the inside lane
>
>following a foul-smelling rustbucket going at 30mph, while the rest of the
>world is passing you on the outside at 70mph+.
>
>Changing lanes is simpler on motorways/dual carriageways. Simply look over
>your shoulder at the lane you wish to turn onto and if it is not occupied
>then move into
>
>it quickly. Make sure not to use your indicators, as explained below.
>
>Overtaking
>
>Overtaking is a complex process and involves much communication by the
>passer and passee. Firstly the passer
>indicates their intention to pass by driving as close to the person in
>front
>as possible. If the passee does not respond by
>
>pulling into the hard shoulder, the passer flashes their headlamps, further
>indicating his/her desire to pass. Oncoming
>traffic, corners or solid white lines are of no consequence - the only
>limiting factor is that the two cars can fit side by
>
>side on the tarmac between the wall/ditch and the oncoming traffic.
>Once the passee has pulled over, the passer can pass. If the passee has
>been
>courteous and pulled over in anticipation
>of being passed, the passer then flashes his/her hazard lights as a gesture
>of thanks. The passee can flash his/her headlamps in acknowledgement.
>
>Parking
>
>Hazard warning lights are used here too, to say that the owner is only gone
>for a minute and will move the illegally parked car shortly. Leaving the
>engine running
>
>indicates greater urgency and it is not uncommon to also leave the car door
>open, especially when the closing time for submitting Lotto (national
>lottery) payslips is
>
>approaching. Note: this is usually only suitable for rural towns, in
>Dublin,
>car thieves are very persistent and have even been known to fix totally
>banjaxed cars in
>
>order to steal them.
>In towns without traffic wardens it is customary to maximise the parking
>spaces by parking three, sometimes more, cars deep. This is known as double
>parking.
>
>When looking for a parking space, the procedure is to drive slowly (< 5mph)
>along the street you wish to park on. If no space is currently available,
>decrease your
>
>speed until you spot someone ahead leaving a parking space. Do not indicate
>when turning into a parking space - it is better to keep the drivers behind
>on their toes.
>
>Indicators
>
>Indicators are a special case in Ireland. They must not be used even under
>pain of death. If one feels you absolutely must use them, then it is
>appropriate to use them
>
>to signal past actions, not intent as is the norm in other countries. The
>vast majority of Irish motorists do not know how to indicate properly when
>going through a
>
>roundabout so they adhere to the rule of not using them. Please be
>courteous
>and do not confuse the drivers by indicating in a roundabout.
>
>Indicators should be preserved instead for the more important task as the
>hazard warning lights. See overtaking and parking on the correct usage of
>these.
>
>"Yellow Boxes"
>
>Yellow boxes are a series of criss-cross painted yellow lines on the road,
>usually near traffic lights etc. These indicate the correct place to stop
>while waiting at a red
>
>traffic light.
>See if you can see someone stopped in the box on Ireland's most famous
>traffic cam!
>
>Traffic Lights
>
>The sequence of lights is much the same as in other countries - red, yellow
>and green. However, these lights have different meanings here. Green is go
>as usual.
>
>Yellow means accelerate so you can get through before, or shortly after it
>turns red. Red means stop, unless you are a motorbike/bike courier turning
>left, in which
>
>case it's ok to 'sneak' into the flow of traffic.
>
>Speed Limits
>
>The maximum speed limits in Ireland are officially 60mph on main roads,
>70mph on motorways and 30mph in towns. These limits are only useful when
>you
>think you
>
>are approaching a speed trap. Actual speed limits are determined by how
>fast
>you can go and keep the car on the road at the same time.
>
>Ireland has a community speed trap early warning system in operation. When
>a
>driver spots a speed trap, he/she flashes furiously at oncoming motorists
>for several
>
>miles past the speed trap. If several oncoming cars flash at you, and it's
>not a wedding, then there is probably a speed trap ahead so reduce your
>speed until you are
>
>out of range again.
>Recently, the Gardai have been issued with hand-held radar guns and hide
>behind lampposts so their cover is not blown. In truth the government
>issued
>several
>
>thousand empty cases that resemble a radar gun which saved a lot of money.
>Real radar guns are not needed since all cars drive in excess of the speed
>limit, so the
>
>Gardai just take their pick.
>
>A new scheme to increase the income of the low-paid Garda has been
>introduced whereby the traditional rigmarole of serving summons on those
>caught speeding
>
>are done away with. Instead there is now an option of paying £50 on the
>spot
>to the Garda hardship fund. This also serves as a commission system,
>whereby
>the
>
>more speeders caught means more income for the plod on the street.
>
>The news also covered stories that the Gardai have been ordered to increase
>speeding convictions by 100% and have introduced such nefarious tools as
>the
>
>GATSO (hidden camera van) and fixed camera sites.
>Note: this isn't an order to reduce road deaths, improve driving standards
>or other such commendable effort, but to catch more people out
>underhandedly
>and
>
>without consideration of the circumstances.
>An impartial observer might notice the transformation from the traditional
>"it's fine unless you cause trouble" attitude which we have enjoyed to a
>more sinister "step
>
>out of line, even a little bit and we'll stamp you into the ground"
>attitude
>which is probably more reminiscent of some less liberal societies. Can you
>say "police state?"
>
>The begrudging respect the Garda was extended by many motorists previously
>is now disappearing rapidly, and is fast becoming an object of derision.
>
>Sidewalks
>
>These are the paved bits at the side of the road. Mainly for use by
>pedestrians, but also used for such things as:
>
> Parking on.
> Going the wrong way down a one way street, if on a motorbike. This is
>especially true of motorcycle couriers who think it's somehow more suitable
>to drive
>
> on the path in the wrong direction.
> The dog equivalent of a litter tray.
>
>Pedestrian Crossings
>
>There are three types of pedestrian crossing in Ireland:
>
> 1.The Pelican Crossing: the bit in front of the traffic lights which is
>also reserved for bikes and motorbikes waiting on a red traffic light.
>
> 2.The Zebra Crossing: denoted by thick black and white stripes on the
>road plus a pair of yellow flashing globe-type lights at either side. More
>recently these
>
> lights have been augmented by high intensity, flashing orange lights
>to
>blind drivers approaching the crossing. Zebra crossings are generally used
>where the
>
> local council were unable to afford traffic lights for a pelican
>crossing.
> 3.Everywhere else: Cross wherever and whenever you like! The Irish
>Jaywalking laws (yes they do exist, apparently) are never enforced. How
>could you give a
>
> jaywalking ticket to a sheep anyway?
>
>Livestock
>
>Once you have managed to leave the snarled-up traffic jam that is Dublin,
>major obstacles on the roads include animals of various descriptions. Due
>to
>the recent
>
>hardship of the farming community caused by reduced headage payments, more
>and more farmers are forced to graze their animals on the roadside hedges
>(see
>
>"Boreen").
>Some parts of Ireland do not have ditches or fences to prevent animals from
>wandering onto the roadway. A bit like Australia, only a lot wetter and
>colder. Sheep
>
>have discovered that black objects absorb solar radiation better than say,
>white or green things. Hence you have these ribbons of warmth running
>through the bleak,
>
>windswept countryside providing comfort to the animals living there.
>Unfortunately to humans, these ribbons are known as "national routes". If
>your vehicle is not
>
>equipped with bullbars, expect extensive front bumper damage from sheep
>sleeping on roadways.
>Livestock on roadways are not only confined to the country, however. Many
>areas of Dublin have residents who are quite delusional, and believe it is
>possible to
>
>keep a fully grown horse as a household pet. Of course it is necessary to
>put these animals out to do their business occasionally, whereupon they
>head
>for the nearest
>
>dual carriageway to exercise.
>
>Road Signs
>
>Colm has a page of illustrated road signs and their meaning in this
>country.
>
>
>A few notes about direction signs: These come in all shapes, sizes in
>colors. The original direction signs are black and white 'arrows' on
>striped
>poles. The
>
>unfortunate thing about these signs is that they are clamped to a round
>pole
>so they also double as a swing for drunken students returning home.
>Unfortunately for the
>
>motorist, these rarely point in the right direction because of this. The
>distance quoted on these are in miles.
>More recently, there are bigger aluminium black and white signs with two
>clamps, which make very bad swings, but better for motorists. These too are
>in miles.
>
>There are also white and green signs which come in several shapes and many
>sizes, but unlike the previous two signs, the placenames are sometimes in
>english only.
>
>Some patriotic vandals (yes, that is indeed a contradiction in terms -
>these
>people probably have "tomo" or "micko" tattooed to their forhead in case
>they forget their
>
>name) decided to spray-paint out the english version of the name. These
>signs are in kilometers, a well known Irish-developed system of
>measurement,
>so the
>
>distance isn't spray-painted out.
>On the new motorways, there are even newer blue signs, which thankfully
>haven't been vandalised. Yet..
>Touristy signs with touristy information are camouflage-brown so that they
>blend in with the scenery in touristy spots. Unfortunately this make them
>almost impossible
>
>to see when driving along.
> In the last year or two there have been small yellow signs with
>cryptic codes placed at regular intervals on national routes. An example is
>shown here. There
>
> has been much speculation as to the purpose of these. They are of
>course waypoint markers for the alien invasion due on the 23rd November
>1998
>at a
>
> secret site in Co. Leitrim.
>
> Conversion between kilometers per deci-hour (the metric standard 10
>hours per day) to imperial mph (not US statute miles, these are different
>again) is
>
> quite easy, simply multiply the value in Kmdh by 0.15E013, divide
>by
>the gravitational constant plus the current distance from earth to uranus's
>third moon in
>
> milipicojoulefarads and you have your speed in mph. Your friendly
>petrol station attendant will be glad to show you how to do this, it gives
>them a chance to
>
> practice their junior cert remedial maths for which they are
>studying.
>
>Road Construction Methods
>
>Ireland's road construction methods have improved dramatically in the last
>five to ten years, but occasionally the old tried-and-trusted methods are
>used to either fix
>
>something in a hurry or where money is tight. Like most non-national routes
>for example.
>A favorite of the county councils (aka the tea-break gang) is the "spray
>the
>road with tar and throw some chippings on it in the hope some of them may
>stick"
>
>method. No doubt they use some hard-engineering term to describe it, but
>the
>aforementioned description sums it up quite well. The very handy thing
>about
>this
>
>method is that there is very little specialized equipment needed as most of
>the finishing is done by the drivers themselves. The result is turning a
>worn-road road into a
>
>new gravel track for several months as the cars driving over it clear off
>the excess chippings. Many of these chippings end up in tyre treads,
>engines, radiator grills,
>
>through windscreens and paintwork and sometimes embedded in the faces of
>the
>drivers themselves. Warning signs indicate 20mph, but in reality people
>only
>slow
>
>down if there is someone ahead of them, for if you are overtaken on this
>surface, one can imagine what a spray of jagged rocks projected at high
>speed from the
>
>overtakers back tyres will do you your car...
>So if you see a "loose chippings ahead" sign, kiss your windscreen goodbye.
>
>Road System Experiments
>
>Ireland in recent years seems to have become a testing ground for bizzare
>road experiments of various types. Invariably these experiments are put
>into
>common use,
>
>being used for every imaginable application, whether it suits or not.
>Sometimes the roads authority have realized their mistakes, sometimes not.
>
>The first major experiment to go badly wrong was the roundabout. The roads
>authority discovered that roundabouts were dead handy because they were
>cheaper
>
>than traffic lights or an overpass, didn't use electricity and gave the
>illusion that you were getting somewhere. The problem was that the road
>planners went berserk
>
>and put roundabouts everywhere. Maintaining a decent speed on a dual
>carriageway is hard when you have a roundabout every 100 meters.
>
>Next there were the new sort of speed bumps - the kind you can drive over
>at
>speed without the car chassis breaking in two. These were fine, because it
>also had
>
>the added effect of waking up sleeping drivers before entering a
>roundabout.
>The problem with these is that the slower you go, the more noisy (and
>noticeable) they
>
>are. In turn, drivers have learned to drive over them faster to prevent
>damage to their suspension system.
>More recently these have been replaced by the more passive wide yellow
>stripes across the width of the roadway, now that the roads authority have
>learned the
>
>error of their ways.
>
>The latest experiment to be conducted on the Irish guinea pig driver are a
>new sort of "speed control" when approaching a built up area.
>
>note: built up areas include villages with just two pubs and a shop.
>
>Newsflash!, the national roads authority have decided to name this
>contraption "traffic calming" controls. Which isn't really a bad name for
>them, since it has been
>
>proven that it stops traffic quite effectively
>
>Firstly, they build about a hundred meters of sidewalk with a raised island
>between to squeeze the traffic into single file. At the entrance they put
>up
>several poles and
>
>assorted leftover signs which look like a bunch of spare signs dug out of
>the back of the corporation shed. Several signs with the village/town name
>are placed at the
>
>top projecting into the roadway, lest you forget the name of the place you
>are now cursing through clenched teeth. They also top the poles with zebra
>crossing style
>
>lights to trick the motorist into thinking there may be pedestrians
>crossing
>ahead. The centre island is fortified by a heavy-gauge steel pole to ensure
>that any
>
>overtakers in it's path are stopped rather abruptly.
>This particular menace is catching on quite well lately, especially since
>it
>is a lot cheaper than the badly-needed bypass it substitutes for, plus it
>satisfies the road
>
>authority's sadistic tendencies. These could be mistaken for border
>crossing
>barriers, the easy way to distinguish between them is that the speed
>controls don't have
>
>concrete bunkers beside them with machine guns pointing at you.
>
>The Law and You
>
>The general rule is: if you can do something without being seen by a Garda
>or don't crash into something, it's ok.

richindub2

A bit long but good

Blitzkrieger

sad part is it's all true

Keeks

It'd funny 'cos it's true!!!

Blitzkrieger

It's really sad cos it's little things that make people such bad drivers. If someone wants to turn left they move to the right hand side of the road (not the left like you're supposed to), they only use an indicator if they're not on a mobile phone. They wait until the last minute, then jam on the brakes and lurch around the corner, usually crossing into the right hand lane. Everybody takes a corner like they're driving a bus. The amount of times I've been stuck waiting to turn left on Shankeel (very busy road) because everybody in front is turning right and is blocking me on the left hand side of the road.

It's a very simple rule ffs. If you're turning left, stay on the left side of the road. If you're turning right, stay on the right.

Don't get me started about roundabouts. People havn't a clue. I heard when they tested them in america they had to post everybody a booklet, explaining how to use them. We should probably do the same thing here.

You should be able to tell where anyone is going by a combination of what lane they are in and what indicator they have on. Some hope! You have to be psychic to know what anybody's going to do.

People can't even go around bends properly. Everybody thinks they're the next Schumacher. They always cross into the opposite lane going around a bend.

They don't seem to know the correct way to do it. It can't be that difficult to remember that you have to maximise your visibility. You stay to the right of your lane when going around a left-hand turn and the left when going around a right-hand turn.

Ant the amount of people who think it's okay to drive at 50mph in the outside lane of a dual-carrigeway. If you asked them they'd probably say they're getting in lane for a roundabout two miles ahead!

Once I was one of three cars on a half-mile stretch of dead straight dual carrigeway. I at the start of it behind the other two cars, closing on the car in front to overtake and the third car was barely visible in the distance, when the car in front of me indicates and moves over into the fast lane. Nobody else around, I'm preparing to overtake him and he just moves into the fast lane for no reason. He probably thought he'd catch the car in front eventually. Nothing but moronic.

And of course there's my old favorite - the dual carrigeway slip road. The amount of people who crawl along then try to merge with traffic doing 60 at 20mph. A woman once stopped in front of me, on the slip road, and started looking back along the dual carrigway looking for a gap

Maybe instead of a driving test people should be given an intelligence test?