Storm

Lilliput Girl

Feeding ducks
In the eye of a storm
Your life flashing
From the pond
Right into your brain -
The ducks are drowning,
The breadcrumbs floating
On and on through the tears
And my brain still catches water
Through the breathless palpitations-
I wish for sleep and summer
And your hand.

MojoMaker

Nice. Stark. Like it.

Confusing image caught my eye though - wishing for sleep and summer. Not immediately obvious to me, sounds like a possible conflict (intention?). Otherwise we normally associate sleep with winter (cycle of life?). Or does summer represent the end of storms, hence the opportunity to sleep? From what perspective is this verse cast?

Lilliput Girl

MojoMaker wrote:

Nice. Stark. Like it.

Confusing image caught my eye though - wishing for sleep and summer. Not immediately obvious to me, sounds like a possible conflict (intention?). Otherwise we normally associate sleep with winter (cycle of life?). Or does summer represent the end of storms, hence the opportunity to sleep? From what perspective is this verse cast?

The sleep and summer image, in my head, is a very sad one. It's like to me they are periods of contentment and happiness. But they're things I wish for, and don't have at the moment. They're also in stark contrast to the mental anguish in my head mentioned previously in the poem...

Thanks for the comments! I forgot to say I'd love pointers from people... oops :S

BEAT

*sigh*
I dont know about this one Beatrix (I liked your nick better as Beatrix btw)

When compared to the other peices you have written this is not any good. I am not saying its bad but it is not in the same league as your past pieces.
Are you in a different frame of mind altogether?

Sorry, it is just a bit too abstract for my taste.
I loved your other work and hope to see some more of it soon

Lilliput Girl

Maynooth 2005

The resident wine bottle
Lends itself to the room
Which washed in candle light
Seems cosy and clean
Candles battle LED displays
And laptop's halogen glare -
A war between past and future
With crumpled clothes
Like clues of a messy present

This is the room that time forgot
And when a photo is taken
Of the noticeboard of this person
It might be looked at in years to come
In intrigue - as one looks at the
Evidence of 'other' presences -
With mixed wonder and awe and fear
A jigsaw puzzle of who a person was
On a square piece of cork

From these rooms, alike each one
Many souls daily issued forth
Like one great mass of being
And alighting upon their separate buildings
Like tired vultures, worn out from killing
They'd laugh their hollow laughs
Despite themselves - and hope for home
And wish for glory and wonder what
It was all for.

Lilliput Girl

Oh yeah... and I miss my nick Beatrix too but I ehh... forgot my password :S

BEAT

nice one girly
you dont work in a hotel do you

miss seeing your posts, wish you'd put more up
remember to start a new thread each time so everyone knows you posted something new.

Lilliput Girl

Nah I don't work in a hotel... why do you ask? *confused*