Soap anyone?

Pretence

FFS, Like it

Shiminay

LOL

Nice 'un mate!

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

BossArky

classic

Venom

> > "What to Do with Hotel Soap"
> >
> > The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a
> > London hotel and one of its guest. The hotel ended up submitting
> > the letters to the London Sunday Times.
> >
> >

---

> > Dear Maid,
> >
> > Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
> > bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please
> > remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the
> > medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish.
> >
> > They are in my way.
> >
> > Thank you,
> > S. Berman
> >
> >

---

> > Dear Room 635,
> >
> > I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday,
> > from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish
> > as you requested.
> >
> > The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of
> > your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.
> > This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions
> > from the management are to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is
> > satisfactory.
> >
> > Kathy, Relief Maid
> >
> >

---

> > Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
> >
> > Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning
> > the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening, I
> > found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine
> > cabinet.
> > I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my
> > own bath-size Dial, so I won't need those 6 little Camays, which are
> > on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.
> >
> > Please remove them.
> >
> > S. Berman
> >
> >

---

> > Dear Mr. Berman,
> >
> > The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning
> > that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your
> > maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will
> > accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future
> > please contact me so I can give it my personal attention.
> >
> > Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
> >
> > Thank you.
> > Elaine Carmen
> > Housekeeper
> >
> >

---

> > Dear Miss Carmen,
> >
> > It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
> > business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's
> > the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off
> > duty.
> >
> > I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those
> > little bars soap.
> >
> > The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-
> > in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine
> > cabinet, along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom
> > shelf.
> > In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap.
> >
> > Why are you doing this to me?
> >
> > S. Berman
> >
> > > >>

---

> > > >>Dear Mr. Berman,
> > > >>
> > > >>Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to
> > > >>your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further
> > assistance,
> > > >>
> > > >>please call extension 1108 between 8 AM and 5PM.
> > > >>
> > > >>Thank you,
> > > >>Elaine Carmen,
> > > >>Housekeeper
> > > >>
> > > >>

---

> > > >>Dear Mr. Kensedder,
> > > >>
> > > >>My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my
> > > >>room, including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and
> > > >>had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
> > > >>
> > > >>S. Berman
> > > >>
> > > >>

---

> > > >>Dear Mr. Berman,
> > > >>
> > > >> have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap
> > > >>problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room
> since
> > > >>our
> > > >>maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service
> a
> > > >>room.
> > > >> The situation will be rectified immediately.
> > > >>
> > > >>Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
> > > >>
> > > >>Martin L. Kensedder
> > > >>Assistant Manager
> > > >>

> > > >>

---

> > > >>Dear Mrs. Carmen,
> > > >>
> > > >>Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room?
> > > >>I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't
> > > >>want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size
> > Dial.
> > > >>Do you realise I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my
> > > >>bath-size Dial.
> > > >>
> > > >>Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
> > > >>
> > > >>S. Berman
> > > >>
> > > >>

---

> > > >>Dear Mr. Berman,
> > > >>
> > > >>You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them
> > > >>removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your
> > > >>soap was missing, so I personally returned them.
> > > >>
> > > >>The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are
> > > >>supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4
> Cashmere
> > > >>Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned
> > your
> > > >>soaps, so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I
> don't
> > > >>know
> > > >>where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able
> to
> > > >>locate
> > > >>some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
> > > >>
> > > >>Elaine Carmen
> > > >>Housekeeper
> > > >>
> > > >>

---

> > > >>Dear Mrs. Carmen,
> > > >>
> > > >>Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap
> inventory.
> > > >>
> > > >>As of today I possess:
> > > >>
> > > >>- On the shelf under the medicine cabinet -18 Camay in 4 stacks of
> > > >> 4 and 1 stack of 2.
> > > >>
> > > >>- On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack
> > > >> of 3.
> > > >>
> > > >>-On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack
> > > >>of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
> > > >>
> > > >>- Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1
> > > >> stack of 2.
> > > >>
> > > >>- In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
> > > >>
> > > >>- On the northeast corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly
> > > >> used.
> > > >>
> > > >>- On the northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
> > > >>
> > > >>Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the
> > > >>stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that
> > stacks
> > > >>of
> > > >>more than 4 have a tendency to tip.
> > > >>
> > > >>May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not in use and will
> > > >>make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I
> > have
> > > >>purchased another bar of bath-size Dial which I am keeping in the
> > hotel
> > > >>vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
> > > >>
> > > >>S. Berman
> > > >>
> >

Lump

HE HE, nice one.


John

Dave

LOL good 1