Engineers

pablo80

Ah, yes, the pleasure of working with such professionals!!





Comprehending Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike
to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The other engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."

Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Three

A vicar, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for
15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The vicar said, "Hey, here comes the groundsman. Let's have a word with
him."

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?"

The groundsman replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firemen. They lost
their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let
them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The vicar said, "That's so sad. I think I
will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Four

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
work but to no avail.

In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many
of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and stated, "This where your problem
is."

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
received a bill for £50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded
an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark £1 Knowing where to put it
£49,999.

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Six

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight

Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both.

"Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
get some work done.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

woosaysdan

ever hear of the humour forum? yeah its a forum also on boards believe it or not where you can post things of humour!!! its right about here http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=22

tman

how did you manage to become mod of a forum when you don't even know what one is?

kittenkiller

wow! congratulatings!

You managed to make me laugh at engeneers!

& i'm reading this in an engeneering building n all.

good thing i'm an arts student & everyone thinks i'm simple anyway or they could get suspicious!

imagine the apathy!

po0k

Are you doing arts because it offers subjects which will aid you in a career path you've chosen or are you doing it because you couldn't think of anything else to put on the CAO form and wanted to keep your options open?

Contrary to popular belief, not all Arts students are lazy morons who give the other students a bad name.
Some of them are decent hard-working students.



Naaaw, I'm just kidding

woosaysdan

tman wrote:

how did you manage to become mod of a forum when you don't even know what one is?

i won it in a lucky bag!!!

This was already on the Engineering forum, if I remember correctly...

Sherifu

This was already posted.
As an engineer i found it very good.
Won't read it twice though. :rolleyes:

kittenkiller

I'm doing arts cuz it was the only course that'd let me be slagged off by each & every other department in the college & i get a sick thrill from that!
didn't know what sublects to do so i started on greek & roman civ until i figured i didn't like reading... so now i'm failing maths instead.

Still, it's nice to laugh at engeneers!

Dave

kittenkiller wrote:

wow! congratulatings!

You managed to make me laugh at engeneers!

& i'm reading this in an engeneering building n all.

engineering

kittenkiller

duh! ARTS!

yeraulone

heh...ho...ha...you Engineers - you sure are funny happening guys.

joseph brand

@Modified

As an engineer i found it very good.

Blah blah blah, look at me, I couldn't engineer a proper reply if I tried, ne ne ne I'm brilliant, blahdy blahdy blah.

You make me vomit . . . . /spits on floor in disgust.

I'd say you're a dustbin engineer.

@Kittenkiller

Congrats will do fine for you, Ahhhhh God, bless your little cotton socks.

BioHazRd

I'm closing this before it gets out of hand - and it was already posted here a few days ago.

Bio