Please Critique.

D!ve^Bomb!

Ok i really REALLY am critical of this.. i'm not sure if it's good or bad or mediocre or just plain sh*t:)

I've tried to do something slighlty different than the last two so be gentle:)

Yesterday,

Wake Up..

A sombre feel of the majestic wheel of life,
A struggle, a strife.

A penny in a wishing well of crushed dreams,
A mis(sed)fortune, no well being.

A frown of malnourished congested force,
Motionless, as if corse,

Rest..

*

Today,

Awoken..

A new beginning,
A wake up call,
A ringing clock,
A rolling ball.

The dusk of dawn,
At my door,
A raging life,
That relishes more.

A fluffy pillow,
No weeping brow,
The past is history,
The future is now,

Tomorrow...

D!ve^Bomb!

i think it's quite short when i read over it now tbh honest..

brianthebard

not bad, although there was a slight feel of teenage-goth-angst poetry to it at the start but kinda lost that fairly quick.should i be looking for a new members thread?couldn't see any link. can i show you my haiku?

D!ve^Bomb!

a what now?:)

D!ve^Bomb!

anyone else??

*adele*

i think its not bad,not bad at all...keep it up!