parents seperating

kittycatt

hey
my parents have been fighting for the last year and the week before xmas my dad moved out cos my mum is going psyco. i disagreed wit wat my mum was doing and told her she was wrong and now she has turned her back on me. shes blaming my dad for turning me against her but she did it all by herself. she blamed dad for using the children things but now she is telling my younger bros(10+13) unreal lies about him. all mums family are involved and are being ridiculous and have now turned against me as well as my dad cos i disagreed wit mum. this situation is truly awful and really upsetting. is there anyone out there who has being in similar situations or can offer me any advice?

WhiteWashMan

dont get in the middle.

dont believe a word anyone says.

never give either one information onthe other, just refuse to comment.

get on with your life.


this advice comes from someone who has had different parents seperate not once, but twice

Beruthiel

good advice wwm

kitty
I'm disgusted with your parents bahaviour tbh, a little bit of consideration towards their children wouldn't go amiss by the sounds of it.
as wwm said, don't get involved and never talk to one of them about the other that's about the best advice you are going to get.
They are behaving in a petty manner and are not thinking straight, a normal parent wouldn't put their kid through this and would do thier best to make the seperation as smooth as possible, considering their kids feelings as much as possible through the breakup, this is clearly not the case here.
Keep your head down, do your school work and get on with your life.
best of luck
a

Lafortezza

Go to a school or college councellor and explain it all to them. It seems like you're able to distance yourself from all the bullshít but your two younger brothers aren't.

Maybe the councellor might be able to advise on how to talk to your mum/dad and stop all the lieing. Maybe.

Victor

You need to be assertive ("You're important, but so am I")

You need to be able to tell your parents that you love them both (to whatever degree, you needn't discuss this with tehm and they shouldn't ask) and that you won't be choosing between them and that neither should bad mouth the other to you or your brothers.

galwaydude18

dont be their messanger boy! my parents seperated on mothers day a few years ago in the middle of car park in a bus station! it was truely horrible! its a horrible thing to happen to anyone! the best thing i found was not to them what each other are saying about each other! i get to see my dad sometimes about once a month and we usually only meet him for the day but in the last while my ma usually stays around when we meet him! strange i know but thats life. just keep your head down and keep studying hard. i had to do that as mine split up the year of my leaving cert. got 320 points in the end for all my effort and im now studying electronics and computer engineering in Athlone IT!

koneko

Aye, you don't know all sides of the story, don't get in the middle of it and tell your parents you don't want them to put you in the middle. It's not fair on you and your brother.
You don't know what are unreal lies and what's truth, it's likely your father isn't as blameless as he makes out (or you think), but you don't know all sides of the story or exactly what's going on (only they will).
You should try and keep a clear head and not put the blame for the split on either one of them, couples split usually do to a lot of factors.

is_that_so

kittycatt wrote:

hey
my parents have been fighting for the last year and the week before xmas my dad moved out cos my mum is going psyco. i disagreed wit wat my mum was doing and told her she was wrong and now she has turned her back on me. shes blaming my dad for turning me against her but she did it all by herself. she blamed dad for using the children things but now she is telling my younger bros(10+13) unreal lies about him. all mums family are involved and are being ridiculous and have now turned against me as well as my dad cos i disagreed wit mum. this situation is truly awful and really upsetting. is there anyone out there who has being in similar situations or can offer me any advice?

This is perfectly normal behaviour from someone who feels very hurt but it doesn't make it right. For now you can only try to keep telling your mother how you feel and as other people have said tell her and your father that you love them. IMO I think you should also be the one trying to explain what is going on to your brothers. It is very important for them to see what is really happening here. From what you say your mother is "very distracted". In this kind of scenario people can be absolutely savage to each other. It can take a very long time until they can see sense. To be honest no-one involved can really tell the rights and wrongs of it. For this I also believe that impartial support is essential for you. You can get lost in the middle of all this hurt.

DerekD Goldfish

My parents broke up while I was still a kid it was hard but it ws much better than being woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of thier drunken arguments(one of the few memory i have as a kid is when i was five trying to stop my parent throwing glases at each other at 5 in the morning).
As was said beofre they will constantly badmouth each other ton you just try and ignore them and dont let it get to you.
Its a crapy situation but its one an awful lot of people have to deal with and you will eventually get over it

LegacyUser

Its hard to beleive, but you are not the only one in this situation. Despite what you have decided in your head, this IS happening to you. I have bee dealing with my parents spliting for the past few years. The pain will never go away, and there is little help for you. The only way you will help yourself get over this situation is by realising that it is out of your control. You can do nothing about your parents falling out of love. You can however make the best of it by paying attention to building back the relationships with your parents. I kidded myself into beleiving that it wasnt really happening to me, and have lost all decent contact with my dad. I still see him, but he is not the same man who used to be my dad, and I am not the same man. Dont loose contact with either of your parents, try to make the best of it. As for your mothers comments about your dad, let he think what she wants, but maybe let her know that you dont want to hear those kind of comments because it is hurting you.

Gilgamesh

man, I went through this whole fighting parents thing for over 7 years, until they finally got divorced.
I can't rwally give any practical advice, as it always depends on what terms the parents broke up, mine was that my Dad had an Affair.
the most important thing for me was to take care of my sister, as she was only 6 at the time it all started, she kept coming into crossfire from both sides.
I personally, never discussed this matter with any of the sides, and through that, first fell out with my mom, then got back to terms with her, and then fell out with my Dad. After I moved out when I was 18, my sister spent a lot of time at my place, as she was getting really stressed up in this matter.
It makes you grow up very fast, and in my case, made me very independent from my family.
I can only give you the tip, try and stay neutral as godd as possible and take care of your brother/sister if they are younger and don't understand what is happening.
Sorry, don't know how old you are, but I think you will handle it better, and will hopefully be able to dodge the bullets from either side.
Good luck on it, and keep your chin up, it will die down eventually

Sleepy

Went through all this at 18...

The first thing to say to both your parents is that you don't give a sh:t whether they're together or apart, that you don't give a sh:t how they feel about each other but that you'll always love them both because they're your parents.

Don't take sides on anything. Even if one of them is clearly in the wrong, stay the hell out of it. They're both grown adults and will eventually start behaving like it.

Personally in your situation, I'd pretty much order your mother to stop bad-mouthing your Dad in front of your siblings. Tell her that it's not fair on them, or you to have to listen to her raving like a mad woman, that you're sorry she's hurting but warping her children isn't the way to go about dealing with it. Maybe suggest some counselling mightn't be a bad idea. She may go beserk, but when you're the only strong, logical person in a madhouse, people eventually start listening to you (opr at least that was my experience).

Keep your head straight. Breathe deep before speaking. Don't get in rows unnecessarily. Don't take sides. If you need to release some of the stress, hit a gym, find a punchbag or scream at the ocean, don't take it out on anyone else. Finally, keep your chin up. It's amazingly common in modern-day Ireland to come from a "broken" home, in fact, these days it's almost the norm. Your parents seperating doesn't need to have a horrible effect on the rest of your life, there are always some good lessons to be learnt from it and it can make you a far stronger person than you were before.