Where am i going wrong?

LegacyUser

Im 21, I've never had a girlfriend and was only ever with about 5.

I graduated top of the class engineer, on good money, nice car, not exactly an oil painting but no back of a bus either. I train every day almost and have a sixpack you could break rocks with.
I used to have terrible acne and that left my face kinda scarred but not too bad now. My chest is in sh!t though so i never take my top off at the beach or even wear a shirt.

But whatever i do i dont seem to attract women. As soon as i open my mouth they run a mile. I just ignore them mostly now or tell myself she'd never be into me or embelish any imperfection in a girl to a large degree.
I think im kind of resigned to getting old alone. I cant see myself ever meeting a girl who likes me.

irlirishkev

.. wrote:

I think im kind of resigned to getting old alone. I cant see myself ever meeting a girl who likes me.

..getting old alone?? You're only 21!
Don't worry about it so much. You've been with girls before, you'll be with girls again. It'll happen, just go with the flow..

K.

Zombienosh

.. wrote:

Im 21, I've never had a girlfriend and was only ever with about 5.

I graduated top of the class engineer, on good money, nice car, not exactly an oil painting but no back of a bus either. I train every day almost and have a sixpack you could break rocks with.

and you have it bad?

im 20, im a bum, i have no money, no car, no degrees, no job....

o yeah i can see them lining up now.... :cool:

Zulu

It's all about confidence, and unfortunatly, you don't seem to have any.
It's like a job interview - if you think you can't do the job, you won't get hired.

Homer J Simpson

At 21 you're only a pup ! Your twenties are the best time of your life. Relax be yourself, do stuff you like. If you look for love you'll never find it. Women will smell the desperation a mile off.

D!ve^Bomb!

i think you might be focusing too much on looks, i'd say woman realise this.. do you emphasise the fact that you have a good body, ie, are you a poser? if so then stop! women don't like that.. well some do but they're just gobshítes:)

But whatever i do i dont seem to attract women. As soon as i open my mouth they run a mile.

Brush your teeth!!


No, I'm joking, but seriously...

I just ignore them mostly now or tell myself she'd never be into me or embelish any imperfection in a girl to a large degree.

Your problem is probably one of low-self esteem... I've been feeling low recently but I met someone, made friends with them first, one thing led to another... We're now going out. If you totally put it out of your mind, and just try to be friendly instead, they'll see the real you, look past your "imperfections". Don't just leap in there like a mad rabid dog!

Sleepy

In a word: relax.

Chill out a bit more, don't be so focused on surface things. The number one thing any woman looks for is a guy that can make her laugh and is nice to spend time with. Sure, looks and money help but with any woman worth a damn, they're not the most important factor by a long shot.

Just relax around women more, behave around them like you'd behave around your mates, have a laugh and a joke with them and you'll see things change. Women are people too ya know

D!ve^Bomb!

Sleepy wrote:

Women are people too ya know

:eek:

Nightwish

there are girls who dont go for look, they go for personality, but Im sure theres someone out there who finds you attractive, your the same age as me and i havent had a lot of boyfriends andsome of my friends havent had any at all. you are young, go out enjoy yourself, meet girls in clubs and pubs, or you may meet someone over the net or in work. You appear to be a very accomplished and successful person, why are you crying out for a partner now? girlfriends can be a lot of hassle so go put yourself out there and get some one night stands under your belt!

WhiteWashMan

the funny thing about your post is that there is no questions in it.
only statements.

are you just telling us how truely awful and unfulfilling your life is, or is there actually something there that you would like uis to disucss?

i remember when i used to have a six pack.
but these days, i can afford a crate

D!ve^Bomb!

Nightwish wrote:

girlfriends can be a lot of hassle so go put yourself out there and get some one night stands under your belt!

:rolleyes:

WhiteWashMan

Nightwish wrote:

there are girls who dont go for look, they go for personality, but Im sure theres someone out there who finds you attractive,

translates to:

you may be ugly, but there are some desperate women out there. you just have to find them...

Nightwish wrote:

your the same age as me and i havent had a lot of boyfriends andsome of my friends havent had any at all.

translates to:

im available!

Nightwish wrote:

or you may meet someone over the net !

translates to:

internet dating and chat room cyber sex. it has its advantages if you are really ugly!

Nightwish wrote:

You appear to be a very accomplished and successful person,

translates to:

im still available!

Nightwish wrote:

girlfriends can be a lot of hassle so go put yourself out there and get some one night stands under your belt!

translates to:

my advice is that you go out and have some unfullfilling one night stnds while you fúck some desperate chick you met on the interweb (did i say i was available), because this will make you happy, instead of actually looking at what the root cause of the problem is.

oh, did i mention i havent got a clue as to what im saying?

Nala

Maybe you are a bit too focused on the degree/body/car thing. Not all us girlies are as into the material things as you'd think.

If I had to pick between a gorgeous, boring fella and a medium-looking, funny one, I'd pick the medium-looking funny one!

i think you're focusing on the material aspects and the girls know it.

WhiteWashMan

Nala wrote:

If I had to pick between a gorgeous, boring fella and a medium-looking, funny one, I'd pick the medium-looking funny one!

but in reality it would really depend on the situation, if you knew the guy, if you were drunk, if you were just out for a one night stand of sex, how nice the car really is, which one was more confident.

besides, you know not being funny does not equate to boring. funny will make people laugh, but it doesnt always mean you interesting and have lots of fun.

i am also confused as to why you would allow yourself only two options?
surely if you are going to enter into a relationship, you would look at all aspects of all people, not just give yourself the criteria of good looking or ok looking, and funny or boring?

wouldnt you prefer someone who was good looking, had a great car, had a great body, had a really cool apartment, had a (insert your favourite pet here) called fluffy, did charity work once a month, was nice to his mother, had a great personality, aws charming and polite, was an absolute animal in the sack and did everything that you ever wanted to do (and did it right as well!)

or would you prefer the funny ok looking guy?

what the poster is looking for, i do not know. he hasnt said.

Beruthiel

wwm
go do some work and quit trolling the posters!

WhiteWashMan

i am doing my work, and i am not trolling, i am multi-task person!

i think the questions and points are pertinant and relevant to the conversation.

but since you have brought this thread off topic (i hope th other mods are watching...) i will bring it back by once again asking the original poster exactly what it is that he is trying to say.

Milkman Dan

listen, i was never with anyone until i was 18, i didn't have a girlfriend until i was 23.
since then i've been with a string of pretty girls, and now have a fantastic beautiful girl i love very much.

people get hung up on this.
don't look for love. don't spend your weekend trying to score.
just be yourself, be honest charming and don't stress and it'll work out perfectly.
don't worry!

Doodee

WhiteWashMan wrote:

wouldnt you prefer someone who was good looking, had a great BIKE, had a great body, had a really cool apartment, had a Gecko called Sars, did charity work once a month, was nice to his mother, had a great personality, was charming and polite, was an absolute animal in the sack and did everything that you ever wanted to do (and did it right as well!)

Aww Shucks

WhiteWashMan

Doodee wrote:

Aww Shucks

so, you doing anything on friday night?

Beruthiel

Doodee
wwm
get a room
or take it to PM!

meepmeep

.. wrote:

I graduated top of the class engineer, on good money, nice car, not exactly an oil painting but no back of a bus either. I train every day almost and have a sixpack you could break rocks with.

I reckon hes just boasting......

D!ve^Bomb!

good for you

Beruthiel

keep it on topic ladies!
B

WhiteWashMan

Beruthiel wrote:

Doodee
wwm
get a room
or take it to PM!

hey, i just thought the original poster might want some friends to go out with sometime to take his mind of his ails.

jeez, you try and help, and all you get is abuse!

ionapaul

OP, being funny or goodlooking (or both, like Doodee) isn't as important as being confident or 'happy in yourself' as they say in this regard. Can you work towards becoming more at ease with yourself and confident? I used to be extremely shy and ill-at-ease with speaking to strangers - but after I started college I gained a huge amount of confidence, particularly when I tutored while doing my masters. I'm in IT sales now so I'd want to be somewhat confident! But it took getting up in front of people, whether friends or classmates or pupils or whatever, to really kill my extreme shyness.

Not that I am the score-master general (that said, Brad Pitt looks ape-ish in comparison to me, Ricky Gervais' stand-up routine would disappoint if it followed one my 'knock-knock' classics, and my neck is brassier than the Big Brass Bells of St. Brassy of Assici) - but confidence and belief in yourself goes a long way with those of the opposite sex.

ChRoMe

To original poster. From your description you sound proud of what you have achieved so far in your life. Fair play to you it sounds all pretty impressive. Theres just one problem though.

In the aspect of meeting and having relationships with women all of these things are irrelevent if you dont have the confidence (and self respect) to come across as a person with charisma.

The term confidence I'm using in a broad sense becuase it takes in many different things imho. Its not being afraid of rejection,positive outlook on life,determination etc

Its really hard to define what charisma is but I'll take a shot. Its when someone encounters you the both of you are on the same wavelenght and that person is made happy by communicating with you.

Me .02c wha!

ChRoMe

The Corinthian

.. wrote:

I cant see myself ever meeting a girl who likes me.

I recommend you seek professional help.

By that I mean a prostitute.

WhiteWashMan

ChRoMe wrote:

Its not being afraid of rejection,

so speaketh a man with experience.

ChRoMe

Yeah WWM its taken me ages to get there so was hoping I could save this bloke all the poxy hassel it was for me

ChRoMe

ferdi

-AlcoholicA- wrote:

and you have it bad?

im 20, im a bum, i have no money, no car, no degrees, no job....

o yeah i can see them lining up now.... :cool:

i hear that...

ChRoMe

Its 4pm on a weekday if you dont have a job and are bitching about it what are you doing posting on boards? Get out there and get one!

kmick

If you have loads of money the next time you go out with a group of friends (girls and boys) pretend it is a special occasion (make something up).Buy champagne for everyone all night. It will cost you €300 but I bet you hook up with someone. Champagne has that effect on people. Remember after you hook up with someone keep buying them champgne regularly. It will give you a woeful hangover and leave a serious dent in your pocket but by god it will get you laid.

ChRoMe

I presume thats sarcasim

WhiteWashMan

kmick wrote:

If you have loads of money the next time you go out with a group of friends (girls and boys) pretend it is a special occasion (make something up).Buy champagne for everyone all night. It will cost you €300 but I bet you hook up with someone. Champagne has that effect on people. Remember after you hook up with someone keep buying them champgne regularly. It will give you a woeful hangover and leave a serious dent in your pocket but by god it will get you laid.

you know, beer has been helping ugly people have sex since 1803 as well you know.

and its cheaper.

but, if you want to take me out and shower me with expensive champagne, then im not too proud....

LegacyUser

Lads you are missing the point here. What im saying is im an above average looking guy with everything going for him and i still never had a girl.

Any charisma i have goes out the window when i talk to a single girl. I lose all confidence. In fact as soon as i leave the house on a night out i turn into a coward in terms of women.

I'm afraid i think. I never chat up girls, i never make eye contact. I dont pose or anything like that either.
A good lot of times recently girls have come up to me. A few grabbed my muscles other started talking to me. The ones that grabbed me scared the **** out of me and i ran as fast as i could. One particular girl that came up to me i told her i had a girlfriend for years.
I dont know why. I cant explain it but i did it.
Anytime i do chat up a girl it ends in disaster. I lose my wit and it becomes awkward as hell.

Any time i try to be friends and go from there it again ends in disaster.

And do ye know what the worst thing is? Im happy alone. Training and work are my life. I think im addicted to weights and running. I can put every single kg in the gym on the bar and lift it and after run up a 10% incline flat out for 10 mins and it gives me the greatest buzz i've ever had.
My Work is the only job ive ever wanted to do since i was 4 and i get paid lots to do it.

But i will grow old alone.
But deep down i need somebody

joejoem

.. wrote:

As soon as i open my mouth they run a mile.

Are you from Cork????
Just messing, its all about confidence man, all the time you see an amazing girl with a guy and you think "how the fk did he get her?" but its all just confidence. If you think you are the one, so will she....As long as you dont over do it and come accross like a wanger

joc_06

joejoem wrote:

As long as you dont over do it and come accross like a wanger

Why whats wrong with the wagners?

joejoem

aww there just arpholes really

cajun_tiger

listen boys...

girls don't go out with you coz of your toys, your money or your face....
they will of course brag if you have any of the above esp if someone we know doesn't have it thats just cause we are b!tchs .

now why we do go out with men is mostly beyond me...but he's why i have in the past...

fun to be with
they are cocky (in the nice way)
full of confedence
happy enough to do stupid things for me with out me asking(chase me ect)


a man who stands out.. i've never gone for the guy with the car
or the one with the college degree.. i've gone for the labourer on the building site who has time for fun... not all work work work,

money isn't everything..

the only man i ever loved was one who made me laugh and smile every day i knew him..

...guest you need to get over yourself.. you have things going for you yes but as you can see money can't buy you happiness..

WhiteWashMan

these are the criteria for you.
not for womankind.

for the orginal poster, if you keep getting women coming up to you, you are well ahead of the game.

now, next time it happens, try saying some of the following things:

hello

how are you?

who are you here with?

what is your name?

would you like a drink?

what brings you out tonight? just a night out or is there something special?

(by the way, when you get answers to any of these questions, feel free to give opinions like if she tells you her name you can tell here that its a nice name etc, and then make jokes about not being called cornellius, jeramiah or bort. if she says shed love a drink, tell her you do to and ask her for your tipple of choice)

as usual, its not a case of growing old and lonely, its the risk that you mayget rejected, knocked back, but since you say you are getting people to come up to you i think you ought to cut yourself some slack. some chick has just made an effort to chat you up. how would you feel if it was the other way around?

of course, you could just ask if she fúcks on first dates, and if her dad owns a brewery?

Amz

Eh in fairness, if you're not physically attracted to a man it's not going to work.

Looks are important, but the whole beauty is in the eye of the beholder does come into play.

I went out with a guy who had a car and came from a wealthy family, but he had the personality of a doormat and I didn't find him attractive. The reason I went out with him was because I hadn't the heart to dump him. Eventaully I did get fed up and after finding myself something more interesting to occupy me, I broke up with him.

Personality is important, but lets be honest, it is also about looks.

Confidence is also important. If a guy stands in the corner on his own just leering at the girls they're not going to go near him no matter how "above average looking" he is.

If you get out there and start engaging women in conversation and don't act like you want to get in their knickers (even if that is your ultimate goal) they're going to be more receptive.

If you act like a desperate, whiner they're not going to be interested. If you talk about work and working out constantly, because your life revolves around those two things, they're not going to be interested. You'll have to show an interest in them as a person.

Girls like confident men, it's not about being cocky, but if you don't feel and act like your manhood is in danger at the first sight of "competition" then you'll appear more attractive. If you don't seem like you're gagging for it when you're talking to them, then that'll be appreciated.

Don't chat women up, just chat to them. We can smell "desperate" a mile off.

Don't try so bloody hard, its not attractive.

ChRoMe

To the original poster.

This is more than I would really feel comfortable revealing via the web but here goes. At the end of my last relationship I fell to pieces. I'm not talking about the usual post breakup crap I lost more than a relationship my self esteem and any other positive thing in mind walked out the door with her.

I spent up to very recently a shadow of my former self (as demonstrated by my previous posts in this forum!). I became for want of a better term a a$$hole. I used to be capable of approaching women anywhere and any rejection with roll off my back. I had positive attitude towards life in general. I could go to a party knowing one person and end up having a laugh with most there. Anyway you get the idea.

Once your confidence and self esteem go it affects EVERYTHING. The reason you told that girl you had a girlfriend for ages was becuase a) you were afraid b) Your confidence is in such a state that you cant believe anyone could find you attractive (this insures that very few people do).

For me personally what stunted me most was the fear ofhaving to get back into the whole "game" so to speak. I read somewhere about an exercise that some behaviour analysts or whatever they are called use.

They took a case of a guy who would clam up the thought of having to approach a woman. The exercise was for him to be rejected by 50 women in one day. The idea being that after 50 rejections he would realise that being rejected isint a big deal at all. For me this was the clincher.

One really simple straightforward thing to remember is just becuase you are rejected by someone you dont know why they rejected you could be a million reasons that actually have nothing to do with you if you know what I mean.

I dont claim to know it all. Jesus I'm 21 i know enough to know I know **** all But after being in a very similar situation to what you are describing I felt it might be relevant to you. Its a learning curve no doubt. Once you feel your mind switch from seeing it as a chore to seeing it as a fun game (which it is defo!) things might seem a bit clearer

Hope it helps if it didnt sorry for making you read this much

ChRoMe

Nala

WhiteWashMan wrote:

but in reality it would really depend on the situation, if you knew the guy, if you were drunk, if you were just out for a one night stand of sex, how nice the car really is, which one was more confident.

besides, you know not being funny does not equate to boring. funny will make people laugh, but it doesnt always mean you interesting and have lots of fun.

i am also confused as to why you would allow yourself only two options?
surely if you are going to enter into a relationship, you would look at all aspects of all people, not just give yourself the criteria of good looking or ok looking, and funny or boring?

wouldnt you prefer someone who was good looking, had a great car, had a great body, had a really cool apartment, had a (insert your favourite pet here) called fluffy, did charity work once a month, was nice to his mother, had a great personality, aws charming and polite, was an absolute animal in the sack and did everything that you ever wanted to do (and did it right as well!)

or would you prefer the funny ok looking guy?

what the poster is looking for, i do not know. he hasnt said.

I was only giving an example, in my original post.

WhiteWashMan

and i was only replying to it.

Beruthiel

well now that's cleared up can we get back on topic!
B

logic1

Amz wrote:

If you get out there and start engaging women in conversation and don't act like you want to get in their knickers (even if that is your ultimate goal) they're going to be more receptive.

If you act like a desperate, whiner they're not going to be interested. If you talk about work and working out constantly, because your life revolves around those two things, they're not going to be interested. You'll have to show an interest in them as a person.

And here we see the proof that women are ultimately selfish. Don't talk to them unless you talk about something they want to hear. Don't act a certain way unless it's the way they want you to act.

To the original poster prostitutes are a viable alternative, all the action none of the bull****.

.logic.

WhiteWashMan

on the other hand logic, the only reason you are talking to them is to fúck them, so what difference does a little effort and lip service make?

simu

logic1 wrote:

And here we see the proof that women are ultimately selfish. Don't talk to them unless you talk about something they want to hear. Don't act a certain way unless it's the way they want you to act.

To the original poster prostitutes are a viable alternative, all the action none of the bull****.

.logic.

Prostitutes won't do for this guy - he wants a companion also.

You mention you don't do eye contact with women, thread starter - but eye contact is a must if you want to go anywhere with them.

You could also practise chatting up in online chatrooms or with really ugly girls that don't intimidate you or by playing the Sims (seriously!).

WhiteWashMan

anyway, i think the original poster, or bubbles as we love to call him around here, has had enough answers, dont you reckon john?

logic1

WhiteWashMan wrote:

on the other hand logic, the only reason you are talking to them is to fúck them, so what difference does a little effort and lip service make?

Sorry Eamonn I forgot there are mere mortals in this world. Being blessed with dashing good looks and millions of pounds I usually negate the need for talking and go straight to ****ing.

.logic.