Hurt

LegacyUser

Hi,

Im a semi-regular visitor logging in anonymously.

Anyway, I've been lucky enough to have had a few good relationships in my life (Im going on 23) but with the last long-term relationship ending in flames a year ago I'm feeling a bit messed up/confused.

Im doing a masters degree and I live at home - this may be part of the problem here, but basically I've not felt in the mood for a relationship all year and in a way I feel I'm wasting my youth.

To cut it short, I was very deeply in love and it ended - for no good reason that I could see - there were issues sure, but nothing in life is easy. These days I have two feelings when it comes to relationships

A) I cant trust women
I'm not attracted to anyone.

I used to be quite the goer - if you will but these days I feel... the way you do when someone presents you with a chocolate sweet after you've eaten too much at Christmas :S

I dont know if Im pressuring myself because I've always thought relationships to be a positive force in one's life or what, or maybe it's because I'm losing faith in society and see everyone as money-grabbing, materialistic, assholes with no real care or consideration for others? But I don't have the motivation to try hard enough to find someone.

Maybe I don't need someone right now... maybe I do - I just don't know anymore but Im aware of the fact that it has been a year and Im not getting any younger. I think it is a pressure thing really - like a performance anxiety. I see my parents (married at 21, 4 kids and a succesful lifestyle) and I see my older brother (who still lives at home like me) and I worry about my future.

I know how I feel right now about women, but I feel I need to snap out of it before I waste my life. For me, some of the best parts of my life have been with girlfriends and maybe Im just ungrateful for how lucky I have been, anyway I think Im a bit scared too - I seem to be putting on a bit of weight (which I've never done before), my hair seems to be thinning slightly and in general Im not feeling excited or alive too much these days.

What should I do?

Beruthiel

myself23 wrote:

A) I cant trust women

are you leaving something out of your above comments? there is a reason you don't trust women, what is it?

also
why do you think that in order to have a fullfilling life there has to be a women in your life?
Get out with your friends, enjoy life, get yourself some hobbies, exercise and relax! People who enjoy their lives have a glow about them, after that, the rest comes naturally

I'm not attracted to anyone

stop looking immediately, give yourself a year off and get on with other stuff

I dont know if Im pressuring myself

I'd say that you are

I've always thought relationships to be a positive force in one's life

yes, they can be, when the right person comes along

I'm losing faith in society and see everyone as money-grabbing, materialistic, assholes with no real care or consideration for others?

I assure you, not everyone is like this

I see my parents (married at 21, 4 kids and a succesful lifestyle) and I see my older brother (who still lives at home like me) and I worry about my future

stop worring and get on with enjoying your life, not everyone has to be married by 21 with 2.5 kids by 28 - you are putting needless pressure on yourself

before I waste my life

you are not wasting your life if you are doing stuff you enjoy

WhiteWashMan

i dont know why you are too worried about not being in a relationship.
do you feel you are losing out on life because you are not in one?
why do you feel that your parents and brother set your standards?

does it make a huge difference to you?

as ruthie says, stop worrying!
it seems that all everyone does now is worry about this and that and the other. thank you television for creating the generation of worriers.

now, how am i going to combat the look of aging hands? surely there must be an expensive cream about somewhere!

Xterminator

Hi,

Perhaps if you make a few changes in your life, it can be more satisfying.
Sometimes if your stuck in a rut, it can be very stifling.

Perhaps you could look at getting a part time job, (if you dont already) and maybe move out from home?

Working tend to open up a whole new social like with work collegues etc, sometimes they can be very different from the people you might normally gravitate towards.

Or perhaps a years break from college, and do a bit of traveling? If you think your wasting your youth, take some time out and do something you have dreamed, like going to Thailand, or Oz ...orwherever.

TBH, you might wake up next week, and feel 'the joy' again, but have a think about what you want, and where you are going in your life. You dont haveto do anything drastic,.

X

Sleepy

Take some time out of it. I was a bit of a serial monogomist whilst in college. When I moved to Dublin though, the relationship I was in couldn't handle the strain of living in each other's pockets so we went our separate ways and I've spent the last year or so being single. I've had a few one-night things and a few non-starters in that time but nothing serious and tbh, it's done me the world of good being single for a while. It's not always easy, especially when you've friends in happy relationships but personally I found it very good for me. You can get a better sense of who you are, what you're doing right and wrong in life etc. when you're on your own.

My advice? Use the extra time you've got from being single and channel it into something productive. Read more, take up some new activities, anything that fills time that you've wanted to do or do more of. Be yourself, mistakes and all and learn to enjoy being that person to paraphrase Jerry Fish

CathyMoran

Make the most of now - being single can be great fun...I always believe that you find a new relationship when you are not looking for one. 23 is very young - I deliberatly took 2 years out from relationships around that age and had great fun - I also got to know my parents as friends which is something I cherish now. Get your Masters finished - by all means get involved in college societies if you want to have fun... Your life changes hugely when you leave college also - even if you did meet someone now the chances are you will change so much in the next few years that it might not last - your parents generation is not the same as now so it is useless to compare... now go out and have fun - these are some of the best years of your life (gosh, I sound old now).

My_PI_Nick

My uncle just got married last year. He's 35. I'd say you still got time

Miles

You've got loads of time. Take some time off from it and relax. Let your head clear a bit.


:cool: