Just looking for a Girlfriend

Motley Crue

hey

im 19 and from Dublin and there's been something bothering me for the last couple of years, and thats that ive been single. Im currently in Third Level and im finding it increasingly hard to be able to get involved in some of the socials that are held, because everytime something happens it seems to be a group of people with their partners, and i always seem to be the odd one out. Matters are not helped by the fact that there are only six in my class and they all have been in long term relationships for years, and its just a place were i feel so out of place (if that makes any sense).

I'd like to meet someone, full stop, and just get out there and have a good time. Ive been with girls before but nothing serious ever happened and matters were only made worse this week when the boufriend of one of my best friends actually turned round and said that he felt so stupid about being nervous about the relationship between me and his girlfriend, because i didnt pose any treat, since ya know, im GAY!!!!! Dont get me wrong, theres nothing wrong with being gay, its just that im just NOT gay!

Maybe someone out there can offer me some advice or tell me what i might be doing wrong? I just hate being so lonely like this all the time, especially this time of year.

Beruthiel

Motley Crue wrote:

Maybe someone out there can offer me some advice or tell me what i might be doing wrong?

yup
you're looking
woman can practically smell the desperation off you
my advice:
take the pressure of yourself, stop looking immediately!
go out with your mates, enjoy life, relax, put your efforts into your studies, hobbies and social life
if you do that, when you least expect it, you will find someone

meditraitor

Your not doing anything wrong,,
B was right about woman being able to smell desperation,, although being a guy , having gone through fazes like that in my youth i know it is impossible to take your mind of what you perceive as a big problem.
All I can say is that it will get easier to hook up with woman as you get older and have more self confidence..
Also sounds like you need to widen your social circle,, go out with some single guys , if your going out go to meat markets(plenty around dublin)
Have a few beers(loosen u up) and be yourself,
Good luck

(christmas is a great time for pulling ) as far as I recall

Zulu

Firstly: Smack your man in the nose for a start. That was only said to you as an insult. People just don't say that, it's like suggesting a girl is pregnant - grand if it's completely known about/bloody obvious.

Secondly: Stop looking. Beruthiel is dead right. As soon as you get happy with life as it is, you can be guaranteed that a girl will come along to screw it up for you!

<edited for spelling>

BaZmO*

I wouldn't be worrying about it too much, your time will come. Just get on with living your life. These things have a habit of happening when you least expect it. (I know it's a cliché but it is true!).

The problem seems to be that be that you're suffering from the grass is greener syndrome. You're not in a relationship but it seems that the world and his Auntie is. Just in the same way that I know a lot of people that are in a relationship and feel that it'd be better to be single.

Also, a big no no is to be specifically looking for a relationship. By all means look to meet a girl and have some fun and maybe in time it might develop into something more serious, but don't be getting so heavy so quickly by looking for a full blown relationship as it tends to scare people off especially when you are so young.

Anyway, good luck with it and don't be worrying you're still very very young and your time will come, believe me it will!!!!

B.

seamus

Zulu wrote:

Firstly: Smack your man in the nose for a start. That was only said to you as an insult. People just don't say that, it's like suggesting a girl is pregnant - grand if it's completely known about/bloody obvious.

Or come on to his girlfriend. Start flirting with her (in a manly way). That'll get him uncomfortable again.

As B says, if you're looking for a girlfriend, the trick is not to look. Guys going out to score ooze desperation, and guys actually looking for a relationship ooze desperation even more.

Any man will tell you that they spend months failing to score, then as soon as they have a girlfriend, women are offering it to them on a plate. It's the male's eternal torment.

Matters are not helped by the size of your class, as you say. Since it's so small, I'm assuming it's a specialist subject like Art or Drama, so boyfriends and female friends of classmates will assume you're gay or feminine. It's difficult to break that one. You need to reconnect old links with schoolfriends, anyone you used to know, widen your social circle. Christmas is the perfect time for that. Quick text - "Fancy meeting for a few beers in <insert local here> on Xmas eve?". The more people you know, the more people they know, and the more likely you are to get chatting to a female mutual friend.

My only certain advice would be to not "search" for a girlfriend. Sure, you should dip your wick, play the field, etc, but for plenty of people, you don't need much more than a drunken snog. There's no need to go out with every woman you find. On top of that, you'll never find a girlfriend in a meat market. Loud clubs with a reputation for scoring - ignore them.

Doodee

hadniest thing to do is if you start eyeing a girl in a club, simply stop yourself and go off and do something else.
As has been said, the more you advance on women with a glint of desperation in your eyes the worse you look in theirs. and the only way you are going to resolve not looking desperate is by not chasing any woman you see.
You've got loadsa times ahead of you, that doesn't mean you have to wait ten years, it just means that theres no 2 week deadline on this thing.

Also i agree with seamus, pull yourmans girlfriend, that would shut him up

pickarooney

You could just go along with it and pretend you're gay, or at least never deny it, get to know women without them being on their guard all the time. Then sneakily allow one of them to 'turn' you.

ChRoMe

ROFLOL Thats a really ****ty thing to have said to you but it does explain a bit of what the story is perhaps?

It aint logical but Girls (no matter how much some may try to tell you otherwise) dont want nice blokes. Well sorry let me be a bit clearer in my experience girls under 25 dont want "nice" blokes. After that they usually wise up. Here's a little story from my personal experience to show what I mean about women not wanting "nice".

One sunday afternoon having pints in a pub in town at a friends trad gig myself and 4 mates were having a great laugh. Sitting at the next table were two girls from cork that one of my mates started to chat up. The lad Keith (my mate) was being nice as pie making jokes asking questions and listening the whole 9 yards. They joined our table and were having a laugh. After a good few drinks in I started slagging one of the girls for being a "culchie" and gave her untold amounts of abuse saying "ah be quiet I dont trust anyone who isint from dublin etc etc" total wind up. Anyway after anohter good few drinks me being an arsehole and keith being lovely the girl in question turns around grabs me and we start snogging. I went back to her place that night and we were in a relationship for 3 years. Weird ininit!

I agree totally that if you seem to be looking you arnt usually going to have much luck. This is usually because a woman can smell desperation (I'm sure its not the word you would like to use but hey I've been that soldier and I know its fitting). No one can tell you "to get a bird you must do x,y,z" IT doesnt work like that however if you go out socialising (that doesnt mean going out with your mates and hanging around with them allnight).

Sure go to a club with your friends but **** off for a while and chat to some new people you'd be surprised how many people in a club will happily have a chat with a random person (doesnt mean they are going to ride you but its a start anyway ).

ChRoMe

ven0m

Yup - don't be a nice guy, it'll get u kicked in the crotch every time - go out, have fun - employ the FENF (**** Em N Flee!) routine - cos lets face it, only so many years you can do this for before you end up having to pay for the kinda girls you can do that to at a young age..... may as well go forth, get laid man.....


::: ven0mous :::

pickarooney

If by 'nice' you mean either a dullard or a guy who adapts a façade of gregariousness when faced with a female, then yeah, most women probably don't want such a person as a boyfriend. If by 'nice' you mean someone who lets himself be walked all over or who has no interesting idiosyncracies, ditto.

ven0m

pickarooney wrote:

If by 'nice' you mean either a dullard or a guy who adapts a façade of gregariousness when faced with a female, then yeah, most women probably don't want such a person as a boyfriend. If by 'nice' you mean someone who lets himself be walked all over or who has no interesting idiosyncracies, ditto.

yup - meant being a 'walk-over' or someone who is just way too polite for their own good.....


::: ven0mous :::

jesus_thats_gre

Maybe your female friend, your mates girlfriend, told him he has nothing to worry about and said that you are gay to put him at ease. Maybe she deserves the thump..

Male friends just dont assume their friends are gay.. He also said that he felt threatended by you so he didn't think you were gay before someone/somthing changed his mind..

WhiteWashMan

this 'girls only like bad boys' talk is rubbish.
there are millions of girls, all who like different things about different men.

and it really depends on what you are looking for. are you looking for a one night stand, or are you looking to get involved in a long term relationship.

this fúck em an flee thing is horsesh1t, and its no wonder women get such mixed messages. its only when you stop playing stupid little boy games that a woman will take you seriously as a grown up.
until then, its no wonder most of you cant get laid.

Zulu

I disagree. Completly.

I used to play the nice guy, and learned (although slowly) that you're better off being a little bad. The unfortunate fact of reality is that the "treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen" is right.
By the by, I've no problem meeting women. How you deduced that fact can very easily be applied to yourself sir. 9,835 posts. Internet active since 1998. Must be a real killer with the ladies!

BaZmO*

I agree with WWM on this one. Girls don't necessarily like bad boys. The confusion arises when someone allows themselves to be at someone's beck and call (is that how you spell that?) and to be treated like a doormat and it is then very hard to respect that person, after all, the basis for a good relationship is having a mutual respect for each other as well as other things of course.

Just in response to Chrome's post where he said that he was being a "bad boy" when he met his girlfriend. I'd say the reason why she got with you was more down to the fact that you were having a laugh with her rather being a "bad boy"! Either that or she was blind drunk and didn't know what she was doing!!

B.

Beruthiel

Zulu wrote:

Must be a real killer with the ladies!

indeed he is and he's got a lovely mrs to prove it

I agree with him btw, I wouldn't touch a 'bad boy' with a 40 ft pole, never have never will, but I could always spot an arrogant wanker a mile off

Zulu

...ok - theres being "bad", and there's being a wanker.
I'm not talking about being knob.

BaZmO*

Zulu wrote:

...ok - theres being "bad", and there's being a wanker.
I'm not talking about being knob.

So then, what is your definition of being bad?

Agent Smith

be yourself, is really the opnly advice i can give,

De Hipster

Take up smoking...works a treat for meeting people at the mo'!

Kingsize

what I would say is That when it happens it happens & thats it
theres nothin you can do about it,i spent a couple o years in the "singles market" & found it very frustrating but i did get my fair share of girls just not the right one .
If you are trying to get a girl then youre probably trying too hard.And while im on the subject dont overdo the male grooming sh*t either unless youre like that all the time.
it will smack of desperation
.All the aftershave & whatnot in the world wont help in fact ive met some very nice girls when i was a bit "scruffy".

Zulu

BaZmO* wrote:

So then, what is your definition of being bad?

Fair enough question...

I suppose it would be: not being at "someone's beck and call" as you said yourself.
While I was never a "doormat" I would have always made time for someone I liked; tend to show more attention to them etc. when out.
I found that if I mixed it up a bit - be nice during the day - spend more time chatting up others when out - it worked a treat.
Again - I'm not advocating being rude/arrogant/ignorant.

...of course this would only apply to meeting people or very early stages of a relationship. Going out with someone is a little different.

WhiteWashMan

ah, so 'not being bad' does not actually equate to 'be a door mat'?

as for my being on the internet since '98, well, actually, ive been on the internet for a long time before that, but that does not mean i live on it.

after all, i dont post too much outside of my work hours

and i have never had any problem with women, and i have never considered myself a bad boy. i have always been pretty open and honest and been myself. much as i am with everyone when i met them. im sure many people will tell you i am very differnt and much the same when you met me

but that aside, what is the point with playing games with women? i mean, you want to get laid (this is not a personal you, its a general you) so why would you fúck with peoples brain first?
its really not attractive, adn you end up with all types of bloody bunny boilers (that goes for men and women)

ven0m

WhiteWashMan wrote:

ah, so 'not being bad' does not actually equate to 'be a door mat'?

as for my being on the internet since '98, well, actually, ive been on the internet for a long time before that, but that does not mean i live on it.

after all, i dont post too much outside of my work hours

and i have never had any problem with women, and i have never considered myself a bad boy. i have always been pretty open and honest and been myself. much as i am with everyone when i met them. im sure many people will tell you i am very differnt and much the same when you met me

but that aside, what is the point with playing games with women? i mean, you want to get laid (this is not a personal you, its a general you) so why would you fúck with peoples brain first?
its really not attractive, adn you end up with all types of bloody bunny boilers (that goes for men and women)

dude has a point......


::: ven0mous :::

Zulu

ven0m wrote:

dude has a point......


::: ven0mous :::

WWM definatly does have a point - and I agree, but the fact is - playing games works.

I'd love to believe it dosen't work. I don't particulary like playing games, but, my hand is forced.

koneko

What a crock. There's people here that keep doing this:

"Women like..."
"All girls like..."

Do yourself and favour and don't post stuff like that again. Women/girls are people, we are all individuals that like different things. I wouldn't touch a bad boy either, but there are girls that would.

BrianD3

Well, IMO there are basically 3 types of males for the purposes of this debate about bad boys/nice guys. They are Real Bad Boys, Pseudo Bad Boys and Nice Guys.

Real Bad Boys are generally ultra macho, violent, abusive assholes. Often engage in criminal behaviour and spend time in prison. They are loved by a fair proportion of women, mostly stupid bimbos.

Nice Guys - we all know what these are like. Timid, nervous, indecisive doormats. Boring, irritating "Yes" men who never disagree with anything or state an alternative opinion. Ultra polite and well mannered and go to huge lengths to avoid offending anyone. Put women on pedestels. Physically, they are often very skinny and are often vegetarian. Usually hate macho sports and violent films. These guys often do quite badly in their careers because everyone else uses them and walks all over them in order to further their own careers. And they NEVER have ANY success with women.

Pseudo Bad Boys are are just normal, confident guys. They are assertive, decisive, a little macho but not overly so. They are well capable of being aggressive and standing up for themselves if the need arises (eg they wouldn't take a GAY accusation lying down, original poster take note). They probably swear a bit and are not afraid to tread on someone's toes by slagging someone off or telling a dirty joke. Often interested in some macho sport eg boxing or rugby, even if they don't particpiate they will have an interest. These guys usually do reasonably well in their careers

The last type are what most fairly intelligent women like IME. Women may refer to these guys as "nice" whereas actual Nice Guys will refer to them as "bad" and lump them into the same category with Real Bad Boys.

So it all depends on what your definition of nice is. I believe this is more or less what WhiteWashman and others have been saying in this thread

BrianD3

ionapaul

You need to write a book to record your wisdom for all eternity...

Agent Smith

De Hipster wrote:

Take up smoking...works a treat for meeting people at the mo'!

as a smoker, i agree with the point of meeting more women while out smoking,


but dont start smoking!

Jaeger

Zulu wrote:

I disagree. Completly.

I used to play the nice guy, and learned (although slowly) that you're better off being a little bad. The unfortunate fact of reality is that the "treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen" is right.
By the by, I've no problem meeting women. How you deduced that fact can very easily be applied to yourself sir. 9,835 posts. Internet active since 1998. Must be a real killer with the ladies!

Whilst I really want to say "burn!" or "nice one" to that remark, by that logic that would make me the biggest Casanova on the board. 101 posts since May? 2001 Believe me, I am not Casanova. For you ladies reading, I'm no hunchback either mind

I've no problems meeting women, it's stopping them from grouping me into their 'friend zones' that's a real challenge.

Women don't want bad guys, they want guys that excite them, guys that are fun to be around. Isn't that what us lads want in a girl too? Someone who's fun to be around? It's just typical that you tend to be the most tense and least fun around the people you are the most interested in (stereotypical I know, but stereotypes become stereotypes for a reason). It seems us lads are more prone to this type of behaviour than women. Or am I wrong ladies?

More often than not it's the bad guys that are the exciting guys that are fun to be around so.... ahh what do I know, I'm single so I'll stfu .


To the guy whose 'friend' said he was gay: definitely fûck him up or fûck his girlfriend. He'll be smilin on the other side of his face after that

Empatia

Kinda the same problem myself. No, exact same problem, whatever smell i give out it makes women just want a bit-o-fun(ie shagbuddies) or friends with me, which to most men is a god send, but not when its all you get.

to your one using the 3 cattagories, let me show you how I would catagorise myself....

alot like the 'psuedo bad boys' but let me make a few changes:

Pseudo Bad Boys are are just normal, confident guys. They are assertive, decisive, a little macho but not overly so. They are well capable of being aggressive and standing up for themselves if the need arises (eg they wouldn't take a GAY accusation lying down, original poster take note). They probably swear a bit and are not afraid to tread on someone's toes by slagging someone off or telling a dirty joke. Often interested in some macho sport eg boxing or rugby, even if they don't particpiate they will have an interest. These guys usually do reasonably well in their careers

Im confident, assertive, decisive, not macho, but above all else honest. Im well capable of being aggressive but not physically and standing up for themselves if the need arises (eg would have gotten REALLY pissed off with the gay accusation but probably just made an arguement over it, but no physicall fighting). I swear a bit and ament afraid to slag someone off or tell a dirty joke. Interested in soccer & rugby, participate in soccer. These guys usually do reasonably well in their careers <-still in college so cant change this one, but why the fcuk does it matter anyway how I do in careers?

I would definetly consider myself a nice guy.


Heres how I catagorise teenage -> 2X women!

Ego Freak: Doesnt actually want you as their boyfriend! Just wants you to want them! Often is very protective over her group of male friends, and dislikes any other attractive females joining the group, as she percieves that all the men fancy her the most.

Total User: Doesnt actually want you as a their boyfriend! Just wants what you can buy for her, phones, jewelry, clothes, pretty much anything you can afford!

Status seeker: Doesnt actually want you as their boyfriend! Just wants to be seen as 'your girl', you must either be hyper-popular, really flashy (tons of cash and super car with wings if at all possible), the guy nobody will mess with. This is the kind that often gives the impression that girls like bad boys, you see they actually dont, they hate bad boys, but they love the attention they get by being with them!

The changer: Doesnt actually want you as their boyfriend! Just realises that you COULD be boyfriend with a few minor changes. Sorry did I say minor? I meant renasaince style change, basically she will pick out your new wardrobe, yup wasnt that nice of her, of course she still made you come along to pay for everything! From now on youll have to take her xyz every abc day. When your out you have to lavish her with attention so everyone can think WOW SHE MUST BE AMAZING, though every fella in a mile radius is going "BITCH ALERT! - BACK OFF SLOWLY"

Low self-esteem/High self-esteem/some sort of self-esteem defiency or abundance: This girl is CONSTANTLY, no not your average girl ammount, absoloutely constantly DEMANDING not asking or hinting at, complements! How do I look?! What do you think of my hair?! Omg do you think my legs are fat?! Do you think my eyes are too blue?! Answer: Of course not honey, your bloody gorgous! Answer you want to give: Listen honey, your gorgous but if you keep asking me, your eye wont be too feckin blue itll be too feckin black![/b]

Normal: Sort of ironicly/sarcastically labled normal, as to let the truth be told, this type of women is not normal at all, but she is everything we wish was normal about women. First off, is confident not cocky though why? Cause your not feckin Angelina Jolie and if you are well then no rules apply . Second no hidden(hidden? they make it as clear as day sometimes) agenda, is not out to change you / rip you off / use you / use you / use you / use you, and did i mention USE YOU!?!? And thirdly, and most important of all, that she is your girlfriend because she wants to be with you, and not for any other purpose (like using you).

MG

koneko wrote:

we are all individuals QUOTE]

I'm not

Fudger

Just go out and enjoy yourself. Your in college there are alot more people there surely than the six in your class ? Single male = Gay ????? Typical Irish deduction......... no doubt the guy who said it to you is a boring smart ass ****@ who thinks he knows the world inside out when all he and the gf do is piss and moan about everything that life puts to them and haven't done anything exciting in their lives since they started going out. I hate those types. I'm not gay by the way, not that thats a bad thing being gay just saying before I get abused for giving an impression of gay hate or something.

Zulu

look it all boils down to:

"Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money"

WhiteWashMan

we could be here all day if people want to catagorize everyone, and i could add to all your lists until some sort of bovine comes home, but the fact of the matter is, until you hit your early to mid twenties (for a guy, its a little younger for women (generally)) you really dont know who you are or what you want. you dont know if you want to hav constant sex, if you want a long term partner, if you prefer boys or girls or trees or sheep.
its only when you start to find yourself, and actually act yourself that you will find that people start to relate to you on a real one to one level.

until then, people are continuously trying on different personas, faces and images to find one that suits them. its no wonder that the majority of people go around being unhappy with themselves and with other people until that steadying age kicks in.

putting people in catagories is a nice easy way to deal with the differnt people that you will meet, but you will find out that as time goes by, you sort of just recognise people for what they are, or who they are. and you will start to judge them by that, not by some sperficial catagorization based on if they ask how they look, etc.

of course, this si the generally the case for the majority. there will always be fluctuations, the exception to the rules, those outside the rules and all those other great euphemismsismisms for people just being, well, people!

so whats the point? well, really, tis just about being yourself, whether youre a bad boy, a good boy, or some other sort of boy, there will always be someone for you.
but sitting behind a computer will not get you laid, except maybe on irc (does that still happen?)
the most important thing is to put yourself in the running to have relations, and that means meeting girls.

LegacyUser

First of all im pretty flattered from support ive been getting from people, its really nice and some (if not a lot of) your advice made sense to me. The problem is that im just a little depressed about it recently. Im not exactly the greatest social casanova and if anyone has any tips and how to widen my circle of friends so i can get out there and meet girls id really appprichate it cause sometimes i have to resort to being left on my very own to do things, and thats never comfortable.

cajun_tiger

why did you open another thread??

WhiteWashMan

Me, Motley Crue wrote:

First of all im pretty flattered from support ive been getting from people, its really nice and some (if not a lot of) your advice made sense to me. The problem is that im just a little depressed about it recently. Im not exactly the greatest social casanova and if anyone has any tips and how to widen my circle of friends so i can get out there and meet girls id really appprichate it cause sometimes i have to resort to being left on my very own to do things, and thats never comfortable.

join a club of some kind, go speed dating, start smoking, take up a social sport (hockey clubs are fantastic for this by the way)

i mean, no offence, but dating is like the lottery. you gotta by a ticket to be in with a chance. to meet girlsd, you gotta get out of the house!

socialise with your work colleagues, or student friends or whatever. most people start a relationship with someone they know. increase the poeple you know, and hey, wallah!

combs

Again, the original poster should ignore most of the "just relax and stop looking and love will find you" advice. That is all lies. What you are experiencing is more common than you think. Just try to get used to it because you have many more years of that loneliness ahead of you and it gets worse, not better.

StupidLikeAFox

oooooh, someone has bitter memories.

Id be more inclined to the relax and stop looking tbh

BrianD3

Leaving aside the whole nice guy/bad boy discussion and going back to the original question, I voted that meeting someone is "a challenge"

One problem for guys of say age 18-25 is that many women in the same age bracket look up to and date older (eg age 35-40) men who exude confidence, have successful careers and who own a house and car. Anyone who claims that power, status, sucess and money are not important to women is living in a dreamworld. These are probably the most important things, even more important than looks.

So it's very common IME to find girls of 18-25 going out with these successful guys who are often 10 or more years older than them. It's much less common for younger guys to date older women. This creates an imbalance with more unattached 18-25 year old guys than unattached 18-25 year old girls. The pool of available females is small. Very few attractive women of this age are unattached and if they are they invariably have around 20 males who are "just friends" sniffing around them hoping to score given half a chance. Even girls who are not particularly attractive seem to have little trouble getting attention from males.

So it's very competitive out there. If a guy has any failing (eg he's a doormat, is ugly, short or has poor social skills) he's going to find it difficult if not impossible when it comes to dating.

The upside of all this is that as guys get older and achieve career success things generally get easier for them.

BrianD3

simu

Don't know about that Brian. I'm in that age group and neither I nor any of the women in that age group I know go out with older, house-owning type guys. It does happen but not to as large as scale as you make out.

Invader Zim

WhiteWashMan wrote:

but sitting behind a computer will not get you laid, except maybe on irc (does that still happen?)

...you wanna cyber?

Ratboy9mm

BrianD3 wrote:

The upside of all this is that as guys get older and achieve career success things generally get easier for them.

BrianD3

What about us guys who wont have any career success later in life, are ugly and have poor social skills? I guess were screwed...

The Clown Man

Yep.

Nah but seriously.

Look. The best way to approach any girl is to talk to them like a mate. But a mate with boobs. What you think might be a stupid thing to say to a girl will actually be really funny if you say it like you would do to your mates. Cause it's funny then! Oh and be a cheecky asshole all you like - a cheecky asshole is fun!

So, if you are talking to a girl like she is a mate you are comfortable with what you are waffling on about. It's just waffle and everyone loves a good bit of waffle. As long as you're not making a fool of yourself or you think that waffling is a bad thing to be doing - it's not. The main thing is to be comfortable. If you piss a girl off with your waffle then f*** her - she's not your type. But your waffle is funny to you so who gives a toss. It's something to talk about with your mates if anything.

Don't be so worried about who wants to be with you or not. A girl is always open to seeing the best in any guy that talks to her. (Far more so than guys.) The main thing that turns a girl off a guy is if he looks like a blabbering fool. Or if he looks so uncomfortable that he doesn't look like he really wants to be there. Confidence is soooo important - and it's hard to be confident if you are worried about how you'll be taken up. Just get the idea into your head that it really doesn't matter if you are with the girl or not and your laughing.

It all comes down to being yourself but it's hard to be yourself in a pressure situation. You always want to be the best, not yourself. But seriously, talk to a girl like she's your mate and you are then comfortable enough to act like you normally would and are then percieved to be a very confident, attractive guy. A difficult thing to do but well worth it if you can get the hang of it!

Anyway, good luck!

ando

ChRoMe wrote:

Anyway after anohter good few drinks me being an arsehole and keith being lovely the girl in question turns around grabs me and we start snogging. I went back to her place that night and we were in a relationship for 3 years. Weird ininit!

It aint rocket science. if your constanly nice to a women they get bored. You have to treat them mean, but the trick is to not to go to far! :rolleyes:

][cEMAN**

Clown's hit it on the head already.

Treat women as they are - people. Talk to them as you would talk to someone you are already friends with. If it worked to make friends with the person, then it should work to make friends (and then more) with whatever woman you're talking to.

Too many people think there's 'tricks' to getting women.

As said, if just chatting to them as you would do anyone else doesn't work, then they're not going to be your type are they? Makes sense when you think about it - how would you ever get along with them? Would you have to fake yourself to be close to them? Who would you be lying to more? Them or yourself?

Lust is physical. People will sleep with you because they find you physically attractive.

Love is more than that. Someone may find you physically attractive because they love you - love is blind.

Relationships are 2 people who can get along as friends (see above) who find each other attractive either through lust or love. Lust is a short term relationship, whereas love is a long term relationship.

But then, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong...

combs

A shortage of women? No way. Certainly not in the towns and cities. There are countless people of the opposite sex just as lonely as you. Just look at their eager eyes! What's cruel is the impossibility of a meeting between the two.

spooiirt!!

If youre really depressed about not getting a girlfriend, do what i did. Take up a contact sport. This helps with getting rid of unwanted Lust. Its also good for controlling your anger, and if you stick with it, your physique and later confidence will improve. Then youre chances of meeting someone will improve .

snorlax

speaking form a girls point of view (im 19), i think it's exactly the same from our point of view, very hard to find nice guys. most girls spend they'r time talking to other girls about how hard it is to find decent guys. I love "nice" guys,we could do with more of them!
and "treating us mean" is more likely to put us off then keep us "keen". there's nothing better then a man who treats a girl like a lady even if it's doing all the old fashioned things, buying roses etc or just taking the time out to be with them.

yes, they'r definetly are a few girls out there who have so much confidence getting a decent fella might'nt be a problem, but for the other 90%of us it's a challenge, just like it is for fellas.
the best way of meeting a girl is to have something in common with them, sport/ hobbys/etc, even the college libary can be a good place to catch someone's eye, just ask them the time or something silly like that and your away, alot of girls are too afraid to make the first move even if they like you.