Revamping old Folk Tales

GuanYin

I recently took a liking to comic book style art. A friend of mine offered no small amount of help with concept art and we took some old chinese folk tales as inspiration for the comics, which are really just a hobby. Although I translated as best I could, I feel that the story lacks oomph and toyed with either enhancing it original folk tale or maybe resetting it in period/time.

As a comic book story its probably complete enough but I'm just wondering if anyone has any pointers, ideas etc etc.... Its not strictly creative writing as the story isn't mine although the translation isn't exact so it has my influence....

Anyway:The Tale of Fire and Snow

In the early 1400's Dai Viet (now Vietnam) was conqured by China and the Ming dynasty tried to
integrate it into the empire. For two decades Dai Viet rebelled under chinese rule and many village
outposts were raided by bandits and rebels.

In one such village near The Temple of Quan Thanh, Emperor Xuan had sent his best weapons makers to help
reinforce his weakening armies near Hanoi. At first the arrival of these armourers disrupted the
lives of the Dai Viet villagers but gradually they accepted the chinese armourers as part of the
community. One Dai Viet girl,named Tuyet ("Snow"), the beautiful daughter of a former Viet General,
took a particular liking to Qing Huo, one of the young apprentice armourers. However, Tuyet was a secret revolutionary and this caused her great conflict, as she feared that Qing Huo might be injured or killed on one of the many raids on the armoury. Qing Huo was a shy and gentle young man and in his quiet way grew to care deeply for Tuyet.

Tuyet was therefore secretly relieved to find that an armoured Shaolin Monk had come to protect the Emperor's armoury, as she hoped that her rebel band would be deterred from continuing their raids. At its peak, Shaolin housed over 1,000 solder-monks and during the Ming Dynasty they were often used by the government to combat rebellions and Japanese bandits. The Shaolin were legendary warriors and Tuyet knew that one monk was often worth a squad of soldiers in battle.

However the rebel leaders were not deterred and the following week ordered Tuyet's band on another raid. Bound to follow orders, they set about raiding the armoury only to find themselves confronted by the armoured monk. Although superior in number, vo binh dinh (a viet martial art) was no match for the Shaolins skill and weaponry and he slaughtered the raiders one by one, until coming across Tuyet. Seemingly stunned to see such a beautiful woman as his enemy, the monk hesitated. Tuyet, who was one of the most skilled of her art, took the opportunity to attack, but regaining his composure he quickly disabled and disarmed her, wounding her in the process. Having had herlife spared a second time, Tuyet fled the monk, but alone and wounded in the rebel hideout, she realised she needed medical attention but feared discovery by the chinese soldiers garrisoned in the town. She sought out Qing huo, who dressed her wound and carefully nurtured her back to health. However, having seen the nature of her wound, she knew she could not hide the truth from Qing huo and told her of her fight with the shaolin. Qing hou realised she was honour bound to avenge her fellow rebels and was dismayed. He begged her not to challenge the monk and pleaded with her to come away with him, offering to wed her and take her away from the ongoing skirmished between Viet and Chinese forces.

But Tuyet could not flee her duty, for she would be forever shun by her own people and prepared to face the monk. Realising he could not dissuade her, Qing huo gave her his most magnificent sword and kissed her before bidding her farewell (an act very much out of character with the accepted behaviour of the times). When Tuyet arrived at the armoury, she found the monk unarmed and wearing only his armour mask. It seemed he was unprepared for her return. Drawing her weapon, she challenged him and they fought. Although, armed, Tuyet was still unable to defeat the shaolin, whose skills were far beyond any she had known. But still, the sword kept him at bay as it was so perfectly balanced it felt as if it were fighting for her.

Eventually, exhausted, Tuyet fell to the ground and waited as the monk came towards her to deliver a death blow. As she lay waiting, thinking of her love Qing huo and what they might have had, she saw that the monk had, for a third time, hesitated. She thrust the sword upwards and struck the side of the monks head, knocking him to the ground. She hurried quickly over to finish him off, only to find that the unmasked monk lying before her was Qing huo. The Ming Emperors were a cunning breed and often ordered their shaolin monks to take the guise as simple farmers and craftsmen to gain information and discreetly guard important villages. This time it was Tuyet that hesitated and she suddenly realised why the shaolin has spared her life before. She cast her sword aside and accepted Qing hou's proposal to elope. Qing huo was overjoyed, but his joy quickly turned to shock when the smiling face of Tuyet suddenly became expressionless. He moved aside quickly to find two arrows piercing her back. Chinese soldiers had come across what appeared to be a Dai Viet rebel standing over the defeated shaolin monk and had reacted without thought. Qing huo was furious and showed the soldiers no mercy for their deeds. He spent the night with his dead love, tending to her lifeless body.

The next morning, a garrison of the emperors finest troops arrived to recall the armourers, a Viet nobleman named Le Loi had vanquished the main Chinese army and the armourers and monk were to be escorted back to the border. Realising that Tuyet's death had been in meaningless, had she waited a mere night, she would not have needed to attack the monk, Qing huo was enraged and turned on the emperors soldiers. In the most brutal fit of blind rage one can imagine he massacred them all. Knowing he was now a traitor who could never return to China, Qing huo fled the village and spent his remaining years as an armourer, wandering Dai Viet and never raised his hand to another soul again.

Fysh

Interesting choice of story. I personally can't think of any modernisation which wouldn't cheapen it (the first thing that springs to mind, Baz Luhrman-style, is some sort of gangland setting, but that would be doomed to suck), because the concepts the story revolves around (forbidden love, honour-bound duty that conflicts with personal desire) don't really hold as much resonance today as they did in the past, so trying to modernise them will weaken their impact.

I suspect that some sort of combination of art and words would be your best way of finding a new slant on this - check out David Mack's Kabuki for an example of a comic which merges the sort of older traditional stories and ideas with contemporary imagery and styles.

BEAT

I actually like that story exactley as it is..I think changing anything would change the whole story..perhaps writing a new story with that storyline as a basis? It has timeless base lines...love betrayle love found again, death
just as fysh was saying I believe.
I could see it as it is now in a comic book or as a 2 hour movie
without changing the whole story I see no point tweeking it.