Feeling Lost

LegacyUser

Heres my story.

I met a woman in Dublin 7 years ago when I was 26 and she was 42. She was down from Northern Ireland with a few of her friends and we got talking. She was beautiful and we hit it off like a house on fire. I had a great night with her and gave her my phone number. She rang me and I arranged for her to come down and stay at my place. Then she invited me up to her place and I met her son and we got on really well.

Everything was going really well and we had great times together. We went on holiday to Mexico, Bahamas, New York, Paris, Amsterdam, London, Turkey and loads of times to Spain, even with her son’s friend.

I would finish work on a Friday and drive up to be with her every weekend unless she was coming down to my place. Any days off I would spend them with her and I felt happy about this setup.

I didn't think too much at the start about the age gap or the future as we were both in love and didn't care. When ever I started to think about the future I would just shut it out. I knew if I stayed with her I would never have children of my own but I didn't think that much about kids.

For the past 6 months we were not getting on to well, we had stupid arguments and I would leave her and head home but then we would talk and get back together but after the last one we both needed sometime to think about things. I kept thinking to myself that I would never have my own family if I stayed with her and I had to make a decision so I stayed down in Dublin last weekend and said I would ring her this week.

I rang her last night and to cut a long story short we both thought it was time to split up, but the problem I have now is I don't feel like we've done the right thing. All I can think about is all the good times we had together, I can't think of any bad times with her and I feel as if I have broken my own heart.

I know she loves me and I still love her and we will always keep in touch but at the moment I can't see myself falling in love with anyone else. I keep bringing myself to tears when I think about her as I have now.

To let someone go when you love them so much is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I know that it’s the same for her, but If I stayed with her I know I would always be thinking did I do the right thing.

I just feel numb and lost, has anyone any advice to make it easier

L!aM

The situation is not lost... If you really feel this way (think about it a little longer) then I don't see why you shouldn't call her up and tell her how you feel.

What you do is, you make a phone call, ask what she's up to and see if she wants company.
Just company mind and if she says yes which she probably will, then you go visit.
Suggest ye hook up to spend some time together in other words, and that you miss her.

Dont mention anything about the break up being wrong just say its 24hrs now hun and I miss you-be smiley about it.
You've nothing to lose really by doing that

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply L!am

I could easily go back to her and try again but I know deep down that I would soon start to have the same doubts again. Going back to her would be only to easy the pain I'm feeling right now

I know it would not be fair too her and I would be fooling myself. She feels like she is keeping me from being able to have a family and I know she worries about me finding a younger woman. We have been out a few times were other girls have tried to chat me up and she thinks that one day I'll move on without her.

Her son asked her if I was coming up on Friday and she told him we had split up. It was very hard to talk to him because we became very close like brothers I had to put the phone down because I couldn't keep cool.

I know we have done the right thing but I never every thought I would be feeling so sad.

LegacyUser

Sorry Earthman,

You just posted while I was replying to L!ams post. My reply to his post should explain a bit more.

Thanks

The Sweeper

This is a decision you made based on the reality in your head, not the urges of your heart.

What you're feeling right now is your heart, because it's pi$$ed off that you ignored it for your final decision, and it's giving you hell.

You're hurting, you're lonely, you're unsure of yourself, and the easiest thing in the whole world would be the quick fix of calling her and suggesting you give it another go.

Every time you get a wave of nostalgia for this relationship, remind yourself why you ended it. And those waves get worse, instead of better, from now on, you need to review what you want, and decide if you think that having children and a family of your own really is more important to you than staying with that woman.

You had seven marvellous years. Which you ended because you realised the relationship was lacking something. You now want something from life that this relationship can't give you, and that's why you ended it.

Write down the five reasons, in short points, that made you decide to end this relationship.

Then cut them out and sellotape them to the telephone receiver.

LegacyUser

I couldn't think of 5!

I started to think that I was being very selfish. Who knows what the future holds and all so I had to have another opinion on our situation so I thought I would ring her best friend to she if she thought this was the right decision I had made.

I texted my ex asking her to send me her friends telephone number. Well my ex rang me back and gave me her number and asked me what was wrong.

I told her that I needed to talk to her friend about us. She said why and I told her I didn't want us to finish. We had a long chat and basically it came down to. She doesn't see anything ever changing and that we don't have a future together.

I was shocked at the time and very sad but now that I know it is finally over I can get on with my life. I think I would have always regretted if we didn't have that conversation

I feeling a bit better at the moment!

Thanks for all the replies

L!aM

It'd help if we knew the subject matter of the fights (was it all just insecurities on her part?) and the frequency. It gets pretty unbearable at some points and you wonder why she has to make you feel so **** about yourself... When faced with this problem I just remembered that I love her, and I remind her on a daily basis.

LegacyUser

I used to tell her I loved her every time I spoke to her which was every day but its time for us to both move on and look to the future now.

I rang her best friend whose husband left her just a week before this happened so she has the same heart ache I have and then her husband and after speaking to both of them I feel alot better. We were all very good friends and still are.

Once all the heart ache has gone (I know it takes time) we will meet up and have a good night out. It's going to work out the best for all of us in the end.

I am feeling alot lot better now and my mates have been brilliant. I'm off to the pub shortly and there's a big night out on Saturday.

So I'm back on the hunt !!

LegacyUser

glad your feeling better!!

LegacyUser

I'm slowly feeling better,

I'm not crying when I think about our past anymore which I think is progress. It's her sons 14th birthday next week and I have decided that I will go up on Saturday the 11th to give him his present and collect all my stuff.

I would rather do this sooner but can't. I'm worried that when I do go up it will all come flooding back to me and I'll want to get back with her but on the other hand I am looking forward to seeing them both as friends have a chat and a cuppa have a big hug and head off.

I hope that I'll be feeling alot better by then and won't have any problems.

Still finding it hard to eat.