Mental health affected by brother moving home

Im a working adult with a 'good' job living in my parents house along with my adult siblings, renting is a pipe dream on my wages, ive tried applying for the housing list but cant even get on a waiting list. My older brother is 42 and moved home about 6 months ago due to not having the financial means to rent, since this my mental health has seriously declined. He's on the dole, contributes nothing to the household, eats my food, I dont even bother doing food shopping anymore as he'll eat everything I buy, he's downloading constantly so no one has access to the internet except him, I use my mobile phone data to connect my laptop but its slow and constantly cuts out. Theres no binging netflix after work to relax as it wont load. He's loud, constantly has his television in his bedroom blaring, he watches allot of action and sci fi so all I hear is explosions, dramatic music and shooting blaring through my bedroom walls. He has the emotional maturity of a toddler, constantly shouting and screaming at me or my parents if he doesnt get his own way and starts arguments over the most insignificant things. I cant live like this any longer but feel trapped!

StevenToast

Jesus christ...your poor parents landed with all of ye...

My thoughts and prayers are with them.

Allinall

Talk to your parents.

It’s their house, so they should -

1st. Decide and and have control over who lives there and-

2nd. Have a certain amount of responsibility to the wellbeing of those that are living in their house.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123481696#Comment_123481696

If I had my way id be living as an independant adult but theres a housing crisis so here we are!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123481697#Comment_123481697

If only it were that simple! Theyve enabled his behaviour his whole life and now he's a man baby that cant handle being told no. He was the golden child all our lives and a bad word cant be said against him.

StevenToast

Get out of there OP....go to leitrim...go to longford....just get out of there...

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123481716#Comment_123481716

Thats great going to Leitrim or Longford where theres no jobs.

jj880

You and the other siblings need to have a meeting and see whats occuring. If theyre as sick of him as you they might have some ideas on how to sort him out.

Allinall

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123481714#Comment_123481714

So talk to them.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123481725#Comment_123481725

It causes an argument with them and anything said to my brother could end up in a smashed up house and holes through doors and walls. They dont want the hassle.

BusGuy

I feel its social media at this point, it has basically dominated people at this point. Consider that.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123481723#Comment_123481723

My other siblings (all men) contribute nothing either although theyre nicer to live with. Im the only girl and my parents have made it my responsibility to contribute for all of us, im the only one working, buying my own food/handing up money each week/paying my own way. My mother washes my brothers clothes and cooks their dinners, gives them lifts when they need lifts, one of them is too ashamed to go on the dole so my parents fund his social life. Im giving my parents money for them to hand to my brothers. My father told me last week I wasnt handing enough up (250 - 300 a month) and pay all my own expenses - food, internet, run my car ect while my brothers give nothing and expect everything.

jj880

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123481743#Comment_123481743

F*ck that craic. Id be threatening to leave.

Follow through on it if they dont wise up. Even if its only for 6 months sharing somewhere. That will put some manners on the lot of them and they'll be begging you to come back.

goingmadted

Ah come on now. Get the hell out of there. Let them have each other. Rent a room, anything. Crazy stuff.

standardg60

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123481743#Comment_123481743

Move out then, find a room or a house share. If you're of the view that it's the Government's fault that you can't do so you're just as enabled as the rest of them.

Kaisr Sose

If this is affecting your mental health, you need to seek real help. Posting on Social Media is not going to solve the behaviour issues of others.

What would make it better for you? You have to be prepared to take your self out of this situation as changing the behaviour of others is very difficult.

walshb

This an actual genuine story?

893bet

At 42 he ain’t gonna change. At 60+ your parents are not gonna suddenly “sort him out” or your siblings.

What’s your weekly wage in the good job? Can you afford a house share of 600-800 per month?

winklepicker2025

Could you rent a room some where there is jobs.

Could you find yourself a partner and perhaps rent a place together

sounds like he is manipulating your parents tbh

I cant afford to rent a room, theres rooms in my town going for 900/1200 a month in house shares, unless I move to Tipperary were I wont get a job, theres not much i can do and yes ive been trying and im going to therapy.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123481817#Comment_123481817

Thanks ill just find myself a partner to move in with!

blanchwill

You can't change anyone only yourself. Where are you living can I ask? You will rent a room in Dublin for a good bit less than what you're saying.

Goldengirl

Sounds a bit mad alright ?

Rent a room / house share in Dublin is 600 to 800 pm but you are talking about Tipperary ?

Whatever ..you are better off moving out by the sounds of it

And don't be blaming your parents . Sounds like they have enough on their plate . It's not their fault there is a housing crisis and by your posts you are not the only one suffering in that house .

At least you have a job .

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000

I'm not sure if the people responding know how hard it is to find a place. Even if you have the money it's very hard find anything, and if you do, it's gonna be most your income on rent. You'd still be miserable.

Goldengirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123481945#Comment_123481945

There are house shares available if someone is really needing to get out of a situation , in Dublin .

Maybe it's harder to get a house share where this person is .

Mehaffey1

Very much sounds like you feel trapped into this situation. Do you have any other outlets for your time aside from work and being at home? If you can find time twice a week to either do something by yourself or in a club/with friends then you may feel much better. I've learned these past few years that taking time selfishly for your own good is nothing to feel bad over.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123481966#Comment_123481966

Theres shared bedrooms in Dublin for 600 a month, as in share a bedroom with strangers! No thanks.

Goldengirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123482008#Comment_123482008

Ah no there are doubles for one person sharing a 3,/ 4 bed for that price .

A friends young adult son just moved out and they had a choice of about 4 in their area .

Maybe not so in Tipp.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123482021#Comment_123482021

I never said I was in Tipperary.

suvigirl

You can get a room in a share house for less then 1000 Euro a month, expensive yes, but for your mental health probably priceless

Goldengirl

You mentioned it in your first post ..oh were you joking ?

Ah good to see you still have a sense of humor .