friendship issue

Night owl gal

Hi everyone,

So if you have a friend or someone, you work with who is friendly towards you. They chat with you and ask to meet outside of work (coffee, shopping, etc.), but you say no because you don't trust them (and I don't because of confidentially being broken). Would you be honest with them (why are you saying no), and if so, how would you word that?

893bet

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058390769/friendship-issue

No. Nothing to be gained but awkwardness. Politely refuse and carry on.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058390769/friendship-issue

If you don’t trust them to meet for a coffee, why trust them with the knowledge that you don’t trust them?

Rubberchikken

Personally think k it's your choice whether you can tell them the real reason why and maybe have an uncomfortable atmosphere in work everywhere or just say no can do and hope they stop asking.

Hannibal_Smith

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058390769/friendship-issue

Not with a work colleague no. If it was a friend I might be honest about it, but work colleagues are different. Just keep declining.

Xterminator

Hi OP

You absolutely have the right to choose if you want to have a friendship outside of working norms with this person.

But have you considered what it would feel like to be told no i don't want to be friends with you because i don't trust you? If you have one ounce of empathy can you see how that would feel?

I suspect it would also have repercussions in the workplace environment.

My advice - discourage any 'friend' interactions in work. Be polite, professional and consistent. Don't come across as friendly one day and not the next. Any invitations to be immediately and firmly declined with a simple reason.

YellowLead

You’re just kind of inviting drama if you insist on telling them any of your reasons. Just distance yourself and decline invites - you don’t have to lie and pretend you’re playing golf just say, sorry I can’t make that. Done. They’ll soon stop asking.

Big Bag of Chips

They're not a friend, they're not a confidant. You don't owe them anything, especially if they've proven to be disloyal previously. Just keep being "busy". And don't engage much beyond work issues.

They'll eventually get the message.

I think if they keep asking you then they realise they've messed up and are trying to gloss over it. Just keep your distance and don't give them any further ammunition to go after you with.

KaneToad

Just politely decline. I've been in this situation with work colleagues (albeit not where I mistrust them) where they want to meet outside of work.

I get on fine with them in work, because I have to and they are nice people, but I have little interest in meeting them outside work.

Be yourself. Respond to kindness with kindness but don't be bounced into doing what you don't want to do.

New Scottman

I have about 50 people that I call good friends. Six of those were met through work. It is possible to be friends with someone you work with - I don't know why people automatically rule it out.

HildaOgdenx

Mod - As the OP has not returned to the thread for some time, I will close it at this point. OP, if you would like it to be reopened, at any time in the future, drop a PM to me or any of the PI mods.

Thanks all who took time to give advice.