Is my friend an alcoholic or just drinking too much

C3PO

OP - I would be fairly sure that your friend knows that she drinks too much. I know plenty of high functioning alcoholics and all of them are well aware that their consumption is excessive. On that basis, I wouldn’t try to point it out - it would serve no purpose other than to possibly alienate you from them. Your friend may (or may not) address their problem for themselves but only when they decide that it is time!

JoChervil

OP, I would say nothing simply because she won't hear you. If she is an alcoholic and still drinking, so she is in a denial and your words will fall on deaf ears.

Interventions, if they are to work, need to be carefully prepared and planned and involve more people acting together. On your own you have poor chance to achieve anything apart from annoying her and very likely losing your friend.

Alcoholics very often compensate, like they are cleaning their house all the time or go to gym regularly. It helps them stay in a denial and believe that everything is OK with them. Nothing unusual here….

JupiterKid

Hi OP - only your friend knows the true extent of her drinking but given the quantities you say she takes each night (2.5 bottles of wine) then I would say that she is almost certainly a functioning alcoholic. That quantity of wine is excessive for a man on a sole binge drinking session, let alone for a woman to be taking each night.

Driving the next morning after drinking so much the night before is utterly selfish, reckless and dicing with a serious accident or getting caught by the Gardai at the least. It also shows that your friend is probably in deep denial of her problem.

Recovering alcoholic myself, now almost six years sober with a lot of experience with rehab/treatment centres, AA groups and other recovery groups over the years. There's actually very little you can do if your friend does not even acknowledge that she has a serious problem. Delusion and denial are very powerful among active alcoholics - I have been there myself. An "intervention" before she is ready to admit that she has a real problem will only backfire - and probably cost you your friendship.

Hopefully, when your friend's drinking starts to have serious negative consequences for her (and it will, given the volume she drinks on a daily basis) she will perhaps face up to her problem and seek help. You can be there for her to listen at that point but it is futile until she admits that she needs help. I wish you well.

GAAcailin

Just cause she is going to the gym doesn't mean she is doing any kind of serious workout. Could be walking on a treadmill or using the rower very slowly. Unless she is actually reaching targets e.g. 5km in 30 minutes she could be fooling herself.

For heavy drinkers, its much easier to address a hangover with another drink; hence daily drinking starts. Friend of mine had problems with drink for years before recognising it himself; he became arrogant, fighting with everyone, drinking on the sly. Got to the stage where he was some days sculling a naggin of vodka at lunchtime in work in the toilets - still took another while for him to realise.

I remember we were on a skiing holiday and he finished up at lunchtime, hit the booze for the afternoon while the rest of the group were skiing and was incomprehensible at dinner time - still no admission.

Not saying this is your friend etc, but being able to down 2.5 bottles of wine of an evening shows serious tolerance.

Claw Hammer

Most problem drinkers will refuse to admit there is a problem, to themselves, or anyone else. Unchecked heavy drinking will lead to alcoholism. It will also eventually lead to health problems. There is no point in saying anything. Just refuse to join in. Don't drink any alcohol in her presence and explain that you are watching you health.

Hannibal_Smith

@Wanderer78 I've deleted your post as it's off topic. No one here can answer that for the OP. As you know and as per the Charter, PI is not a discussion forum. Offer advice to an OP when replying to their thread.

HS

charlessmith22

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122995833#Comment_122995833

This would be my thoughts. Most people would be very sick after that volume of drink. If she's attuned her body to tolerate that without much noticeable effect, you can call it what you want 'alcoholism ect' but she has a problem.

Ireland is very weird when it comes to this topic. Some people almost pride themselves on their ability to consume large volumes of alcohol. If you're not seeing what her friend is doing as a problem you've become too accustomed to social norms that are anything but normal in the vast majority of other countries.

Cyrus

anyone trying to rationalise someone drinking 2.5 bottles of wine in a night needs to get sense, you have to do some serious drinking to build up that level of tolerance. Whether she is an alcoholic or not she is doing the same damage to her health.

PauloMN

So many factors to this, including how close a friend you are to her. I have probably 3 really close friends, and loads more I'd consider friends. Of my 3 close friends, I think I would think of a way to bring up "the problem" in a delicate manner. What I mean by "the problem" is not directly alcohol per say, but the issues you mentioned related to it - the results of drinking way too much. Not having a recollection of the night before due to drink is a serious problem imo, that could get someone into a world of shite, and I'd want a close friend to talk to me about that if the roles were reversed. I'd risk a friendship over genuinely trying to help a friend if it came to that, honestly. Same for driving the morning after a skinful, that could ruin her life as well as others.

It's easy to say "don't get involved", "say nothing" etc. - but imo that's what a friend rather than a close friend might do. It's a typical Irish approach, and personally I think is why things can get out of hand with people in different situations. It's the easy way out. Fair enough, if I was in the pub with someone I was friendly with, knew locally or we were both from the same gym, club etc., but not a close friend, I wouldn't necessarily tackle the issue of over indulging with them. But a close friend I would, if I saw it was clearly causing them problems. I consider my close friends like family - I wouldn't stand by and say nothing if a family member was having issues like that due to drink.

To be clear - I'm talking about problem drinking. I don't drink much but am often out with people who drink a lot more than me, I don't see that as problem drinking, so I'm not talking about nagging people or being pass-remarkable about how much people drink. I'm talking about tackling the issue delicately if a close friend was having issues as mentioned in the OP.

KaneToad

OP, based on the information provided your friend is over consuming alcohol.

If you are really concerned, you should say something to them - but only raise it once. And phrase it appropriately for how you interact usually with your friend.

If I were to bring it up with a friend of mine:

"F***ing hell Paddy, that was a lot you put away last night. Mind yourself. We're not getting any younger and I've heard some shocking health stories before about lads who were only our age"

Sono

OP that is very heavy drinking but only they can decide if it's a problem or not, I would agree with others to stay out of it.

HildaOgdenx

Mod - Some posts deleted.

As per the charter, please do not post asking an OP for updates.

Redjacketboy

Thanks for your further comments.

Is it a bit sanctimonious to not drink on front of her? And say oh its for my heath! A bit like people on health kicks scoffing at your food.

A heard an alcoholic on the radio years ago. He said don't say anything, even family members as they need to realise themselves. Surely that can't be true? What about interventions are the effective?

Is it a cop out to say something to her brother?

Does a doctor routinely check liver function? I swear you'd never know by meeting her the level of alcohol consumes.

witchgirl26

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123072102#Comment_123072102

Honestly I would find that a bit sanctimonious to be honest. I'd also find it that way if someone did it about food & essentially food shamed me for what I've chosen to eat. You can't push your behaviour onto someone else (even with the best intentions for their health).

I think that's one person's experience. I've had a couple of alcoholics in my family & they were all talked to in a calm, rationale manner about the impact their drinking was having on their direct family. It was effective (well in the long run, took some time) for them. However it was direct family doing this and not friends involved at all. I would think it would completely depend on your friendship & how close you are if you could say something. Would you consider saying something to her partner?

A doctor won't routinely check liver function unless there are any signs for concern & then it might get added to bloods but additionally you wouldn't necessarily know if she'd had a conversation with her doctor or not.

cj maxx

Whatever about having a word with her , do not go to a family member . It may seem like you are ganging up on her .

LastApacheInjun

There's probably two things to think about here. An alcohol addict is someone who drinks to a level where it is hurting their personal or professional life, and appears unable to stop. that could be someone drinking 10 glasses of wine a week, or a person drinking 100 glasses of wine a week. Is the excessive drinking causing harm to her personal or professional life? You say that herself and her partner have jobs, appear to be doing well, and are keeping up a healthy lifestyle outside of their drinking. So at first glance, it appears that the excessive drinking isn't spilling over into harm in their day to day lives.

The second thing is the harm she will be doing to her body with the level of alcohol that she's consuming. At the moment, you are unsure whether the level you saw over Christmas was something that continued all year around, so you don't actually know for sure if she's drinking to excess regularly. Even if she is, I would imagine that she is not an idiot, and understands that 2.5 bottles of wine on regular nights during the week is going to kill her, eventually. It's like telling an obese person that the level of food they are eating is keeping them obese and that is bad for their health. They know. She knows. Someone telling her that is only going to annoy her, stress her out, and if alcohol is her poison of choice it'll probably lead her to drink more.

If you really want to help, and your really sure there is actually a problem here, the best thing to do is to try and stay in contact with her more. Obviously this is a bit difficult if you are a guy and she is in a relationship, but if you are part of a wider group you can chat to a couple of her closer friends and agree to do the same. Encourage her to talk about her life, and make her feel like she has a strong supportive network in case she ever does decide to open up. She could have undiagnosed depression, or anxiety, or ADHD or autism. Alcohol and drug or food additions are very very common in undiagnosed people.

witchgirl26

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123263699#Comment_123263699

The first part of this is incorrect. Have you never heard of a functioning alcoholic? It's someone who appears to be holding it all together & is able to have a job, manage the family etc but is drinking over & beyond and is likely hiding the amount of alcohol they drink too. It's incredibly damaging. I had a relative who was a functioning alcoholic for years and honestly, looking from the outside in, you probably would have never realised anything was wrong. Until you'd see the bottle of vodka shoved halfway down the ironing basket or the minis in her handbag to get her through the day. She never appeared drunk, she had too high a tolerance at that point, but it was still alcoholism and she did end up going to AA and that was the first time most people even realised she had a problem.

cj maxx

Yeah in New York we would go for a pint at 10 O’clock breakfast time . That was just the way I thought it was . I discovered lads were buying minis of whiskey / brandy to add to their coffee .

That’s alcoholism . Others would have a beer or two because it was the done thing .

That’s drinking too much .

Subtle but huge differences .

When I came home I thought nothing of going for a pint at breakfast time if working in the city . Just one out of habit

But people who never went abroad looked at it differently ..