Legal ceremony before or after 'big day' ?

Bullfinch

Hi folks. So my partner and I got engaged last month and are planning to get married in May. We have a venue booked but need to organise our notification of marriage appointment ASAP. I have a family friend that we would love to perform the ceremony, but they can't legally marry us, so our options are either to scrap that idea and get a solemniser, or to get legally married in a registry office and have my friend officiate the non-legal ceremony on the big day.

We are leaning towards the second option, as we think it would be really special to have our friend do the ceremony in front of our friends and family. We are having the wedding day on a Sunday, so if we go with a registry office, it would either be a few days before or after the wedding.

Has anyone any experience of this situation? I've been to a few weddings where the couple were legally married before the wedding day, and I felt maybe it took some of the excitement out of the day itself. I'm worried I won't look forward to the wedding as much if we are already legally married, so I'm toying with the idea of doing the legal ceremony the week after instead of before. Has anyone gotten legally married after they have their non-legal ceremony? thanks!

AyeGer

My sister and her husband got legally married the day before the ceremony. Worked out well. People knew they had already legally married but it didn’t diminish the ceremony.

I’m not sure about the legal bit after the ceremony though as everyone would know yous weren’t actually married after the ceremony. Might be a bit strange.

L1011

I've friends who did the legal bit after the ceremony

Half a decade after the ceremony, as they continued to be too busy to do it, and you can't do it on weekends. They have actually done it.

Didn't really detract from the day.

Calahonda52

Depends waht u are into.

IMO iff u are going legal, then forget about the sodemiser etc and just have a party with friends/family, with little officialdom , fake or otherwise diluting the party.

I know it's your day etc but "have my friend officiate the non-legal ceremony on the big day." is all about u and the guests might see it otherwise

magicbastarder

forget about the sodemiser

Would have made for a unique ceremony anyway.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122929419#Comment_122929419

I don't think they are mandatory anyway. That poster's other half might just have told them it was tradition or something

CramCycle

Depending on the crowd a sodemiser may add or attract to the day, didn't know there were official ones, I just thought it was a consent thing but I wouldn't pressurise anyone into it if they haven't mentioned it before. You might need a specialist photographer as well, but I am not an expert.

Mrs OBumble

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122928727#Comment_122928727

If ever there's a time for a party that's all about u, this is it!

suvigirl

Why can't you do the legal bit on the day? Is it purely because you want your friend to officiate? Do they have time to become 'legal' so they can do it?

I'm not sure it makes much difference who actually married you, except to you?

fran38

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122929824#Comment_122929824

I reckon a sodemiser would detract from the day. .....ill get my coat 😀

magicbastarder

a sodemiser would just give you the bum's rush.

sbs2010

I got married on Friday of May bank holiday in registry office with family and just a couple of friends. Family party that night in wife's house - where she grew up and was living.

Everyone chilled on Saturday- no activities or meetups or anything. Didn't consider ourselves married.

Big wedding on Sunday with all the guests and a non religious non legal ceremony in a hotel.

Monday was the BH so wasn't work next day for anyone.

Worked really well!!