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Kids Christmas presents different outlook

  • 31-10-2024 1:46pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,035 ✭✭✭


    Its coming up to that time of year again, I love Christmas. Love the time off, spending time watching movies, the songs all that stuff.

    One thing that really causes rows in our house though is the attitude to Christmas presents for our kid (whose 4). We have very different values, my wife would have the entire sitting room full of every gift conceivable, with zero thought for where the (usually large) toys are going to go. If I mention anything at all about him being 4 and him not expecting half of Smyth's toy shop I'm accused of living in the 1980s and being miser.

    He wants for nothing, always gets loads of stuff at Christmas even as a baby, nonsensical amounts of stuff (on top of presents from cousins, aunts, grandparents etc). But I'm met with venom when I politely mention being reasonable. I've not put a number on it, but I'd say there are 15+ presents for him under the tree every Christmas. I'm conscious of not raising an entitled little guy. My wife comes from a family who had presents up to their ceiling (despite not being awash with money) and would believe excess is best. Some of the nieces and nephews would not really appreciate stuff, they wouldn't know the value of anything and I'm damned if our son will turn out like that.

    Already my wife has bought 3 rather large toys (let's just say they are big enough to occupy the entire floor of a mid sized sitting room). She informed me that he also wants (bear in mind he has never said he wants a thing, if you call asking him in a toy store if he likes something at 3/4 years of age him wanting it) 2 other massive pieces of kit, which is just completelu unnecessary but it's absolutely essential for her.

    We argue about it, I try to be as logical as possible but how dare I ask her to compromise. It might sound like I'm a Grinch or something, I'm not I put alot of thought into things, I think it's just wrong to do this, shower a child with gifts of every sort. Causes massive tension. Last year was worst Christmas we had in long time, her whole family were with us and it was everything to excess. I grew up in a home where Christmas was brilliant, we got what we wanted but it was never over the top, but what I saw last year was so crass, and I don't even want my son seeing it.

    But you cannot even talk to me wife about it, it's non negotiable. To make matters worse, our son's birthday is in late November so there are a shedload of gifts for that too. It's not a money issue it's just a value I hold that less is more, and if you get everything then you appreciate less.

    Help!



Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,595 ✭✭✭Gaz


    I have this fight every year with my wife. It needs to look like Santa's grotto or else I am being miserable. My kids birthdays are also a few months before Christmas, so its just kids $hit everywhere. Their bedrooms are full, I honestly dont know where we will put this years stuff.

    I have no real advise except it gets easier as they get older. My boys are more interested in clothes, runners and video games now. So this tends to take up a lot less room.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30,954 ✭✭✭✭AndrewJRenko


    Is there a competitive issue here? Trying to be 'better' than others in her family or than the neighbours or whatever?

    Who's paying for all the tat?



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,798 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    Hi Op

    Its definitely a relationship issue, not an issue of generosity etc. Its not uncommon for people to find themselves with different views. i think its often healthy to have your own identity and opinions.

    What is problematic is that you seem to not have a say. Its that your feeling like your not even allowed to discuss the issues or have an opinion that is different. Real red flag there.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 960 ✭✭✭taxAHcruel


    Thankfully this was never an issue in our house. Especially as we never did the whole Santa thing either and kept Santa essentially out of our house. Both for the now two older kids who have outgrown Santa and the two younger kids who are still in the Santa Age Range. We just decided on deep contemplation that for us the Santa thing was not something we felt was the right thing to do as parents. Santa can at times also be an excuse to excess with gifts.

    Though it was not a problem for us it was a problem for a friend who was in a very similar situation as you where there was a disagreement over how much was "enough" or "too much". And he too was a bit at the wits end.

    Since it appeared to not be a battle he was going to win I suggested to him to take a different approach. It worked for him so perhaps it may or may not be useful to you. I present it for consideration rather than outright advice. Pinch of salt and all that.

    What I suggested he do is let the wife off getting the gifts she was going to get. But he could on top of that get other gifts. Which sounds like making the bad problem even worse at first. But I suggested he focus on gifts that A) required a lot of time input and attention from him and B) were meaningful to him too.

    What he ended up doing was going on to EBay where he tracked down two old board games not made any more that he remembered from his own childhood as well as two space ships from a long defunct range of toys called "Starcom" that he played with when he himself was a kid as well as some old model thing for building. None of these gifts was massive in terms of the space they took up.

    Children do like gifts at Christmas. But very often the gift they really want more than anything else is your time and your attention. And all too often a child who gets piles of gifts is expected to just bugger off and play with them and leave the adults in peace. Which can have some disastrous results. But it means even the tiniest gift that focuses your attention and interaction and time on them - can quickly become their favorite.

    So rather than Christmas becoming this battleground that he will look back on in horror decades from now - it became a time where he got down on the floor for hours at a time with his child - immersing himself in his own nostalgia and building memories that will become his own kids future nostalgia.

    But what happened the following year when the same battle looked to be rearing it's head again? He was able to point out how all the massive tat from last year was left relatively unplayed with, how everyones best memories were from the hands on nostalgia stuff, and rather than having another battle all over again he and his wife spent many memory filled hours of giggles and joy trawling Ebay again for their old childhood memories they could bring forward to another year of Christmas family memories. His side of the argument became pretty undeniable.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,721 ✭✭✭notAMember


    In our house we are on the same page with this, and only have to manage one side of the family (his) over-doing it.

    Good strategy above! Do that!

    Maybe consider your wife’s family are possibly getting over generations of poverty OP. Rolling around in new found excess is typical enough for those who felt hard done by as kids, and it can take a couple of generations to get over. Tread lightly.



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,196 ✭✭✭kirving


    I think that's an absolutely major driving factor.

    Another thing that can drive it is one single disappointment as a child. I remember one year as a kid I was upset because what I got was physically small (but was expensive). I can't even remember what it was specifically, so it's obviously not that important, but I do remember it well.

    It was funny, one of my best friend's families is very well off, but never, ever spoiled beyond reason. At Christmas, if thy got a phone, it might be the version with more memory say, but it would never ever have been a phone and a TV say.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,013 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Yikes - was this not something you discussed before getting married? And more importantly having a child? Is your wife financially responsible generally and this goes out the window when it comes to your son or was she always a bit spender? I think it ruins kids to give them too much - I wouldn’t be worried about the money here I’d worry about what it’s going to do to your son. You have a say too - so what if she calls you a miser? Does she pay for it all herself? If not, just give her an amount you think is reasonable and let her make up the difference. That might reign things in a little. I don’t know how you’d teach an adult about the value of money and that materialism isn’t everything - if she hasn’t copped on by now she likely never will. I’d ask myself if that’s what you want to live with forever.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,953 ✭✭✭✭fits


    I’d agree with this. His side of the family would be much more into the presents than mine. We always thank them and then either hold some back until mid year or hide them away and donate them. We are on same page though and buy few enough things for them ourselves.



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