Concerns about moving house.

System

This discussion was created from comments split from: Second thoughts about buying house.

nicdec81

I am so concerned about moving we're sale agreed but don't know having second thoughts for my son's sake. His whole life will change and I'm not sure for the better. Originally I thought kids adjust don't they but each time we check out the area we see zero kids around and starting to see different side to the area now than before we went sale agreed

Not sure what to do

We are in lovely area now its closer to work and our son has so many friends and loves school but our house is so old and in need of so much work

Help

Kurooi

Yes, I had jitters over purchases and moves I didn't regret later. You'd be odd not to, it's a long commitment, a lot of money riding on it and your future lifestyle and quality of life too.

Keep your wits about you, revisit your pros and cons list about the particular house, and about why you might decide to buy. Consider where your anxiety is coming from. Is it the particular house, the area, the decision to buy, the mortgage or are you just worried about moving ?

For most people, whether you fancy yourself to be a home owner or not is irrelevant, it just makes financial sense to own your house and generally has a lot of upsides as you seem to know.

SupaCat95

Kids are resilient. They cope better with change. It will make him tougher for the life ahead. He will make new friends. Do you really think there are no 13-16 year olds in a square mile? The reason is they are all in on their phones on TikTok/playstation/Xbox/What ever social media is going on next. Most parents are guilty of permitting this behaviour.

Every house move is scary. What are you going to do when he leaves secondary school or goes to University or trade? Those friends are not going to travel with him. Its a new adventure and just get on with it and adapt.

dragonkin

disagree with this there are a few key periods in a kids life where massive uprooting is probably likely to cause harm I’d say 10-13 is a crucial period in which it’s important to just give the child stability.

I remember a guy I went to secondary school with who moved to Dublin around that age was bullied by the others etc.

This idea of children coping with change better is rubbish, I could cope with change much better at an older age than when I was young and maturing, adding the stress of new school etc is only setting the child up for failure especially if they’re happy where they are.

SupaCat95

@Dragonkin Kids are nasty and will pick on other kids. It will always be the strong on the weak or different. It is always human nature. I still get attempted bulling but I am used to it and it runs like water off a ducks back.

I have a niece (late teen) who moved every few years. Didnt do her a bit of harm, off to study law next year. She just had that personality that adapted to make friends where she went and she wasnt from a stable home environment.

dragonkin

I’ve never really experienced the brutality of strong vs weak that exists in early secondary school lol I can think of no situation in life that comes close.

If you’ve the right personality in particular if you’re a well socialised attractive girl than yeah maybe you’ll do ok. I remember one girl who came into our school around the age of 15, who I knew previously that summer in an Irish college. Over the course of a year or two she was brutalised into being a shadow of her former self.

maybe things are better now?

YMMV

_Kaiser_

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122597503#Comment_122597503

When I was 9 we moved to a completely different country and then to a different state/county in that country. Changed schools 3 times as I remember, AND had to learn a different language and culture to boot. I also looked after my younger sister as my mam worked shift work (these were the days - the 80s - when you could do such things without someone calling child services or whatever) which taught me independence and responsibility - something that turned out to be very useful when my mother got sick 3 years later.

Came back home then and again went to 2 different primary schools and a secondary over the course of 8 years. I was a very quiet kid and more of a nerd than a "cool kid" but never had any issues with bullying etc.

I'd say it was a great experience. Teaches you to adapt, to make new friends, exposed to new ideas etc - far too many Irish people barely leave the home or immediate area well into their twenties or beyond, and have few real friends outside of the group they grew up with.

It also gives you a broader perspective as you get older - particularly in terms of the piss-poor way a lot of things are done in this country.

dragonkin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122598971#Comment_122598971

I actually had a similar experience I moved abroad for a year when I was a bit older around 16 had a great experience etc. doesn’t change the fact I can think of many situations in which the opposite is true, I moved when I was in primary school and found myself on the bottom of the social heirarchy which was a pretty brutal experience, then saw the same thing happen to new kids over the next few years. As I said your mileage will vary, personally if my child was happy in a school with good friends etc, I would be very reluctant to upset that apple cart. Maybe it worked out great for you but the risk is too great imo. This is years ago and I get the impression Irish schools have clamped down a lot of the pretty brutal situation we found ourselves in years ago. But messing around changing schools at a young age if the child is happy is not recommended imo.

I can’t think of any advantage of the kind of brutal bullying that was common place back then or how anyone emerged stronger from it, a new kid in the school with no social network was easy picking for the sadistic feckers who were roaming around.

Perks

It's all about location. What work does your house need?

SupaCat95

Judging by what is entering university, nothing has changed but the tactics. Its more socially cold. Less pranks but more freezing you out.