Domestic Abuse against me in Laois

oscarwildec33

Any body here in the same boat as I am ...domestic abuse against me and no help anywhere ?

cute geoge

Citizens information or Dsp will advise you where to seek help

NIMAN

Go to your local Gardai station and report it.

oscarwildec33

I have been through 2 years of solicitors and Garda .... when its a man being abused ...they are not interested .... reported solicitors and Garda to GSOC ......pointless ....I was quoted 15 K from a solicitor to get a key to my home for lawful and safe entry through the court ....its a sham .

Have you tried Men's Aid for help? (Formerly Amen.) www.mensaid.ie

I wish you the best.

oscarwildec33

I've been through them all ...year after year ...locked out and denied lawfull entry into my co owned home by an angry woman ...Garda useless …no drink ...no drugs ...the most easygoing of men ....Men's Aid advise but they are limited .

oscarwildec33

All you need to know is that with no fault or orders against me I'm denied lawful entry into my own home as Garda know the abuser ....reported two Garda to GSOC ....they did not uphold my complaint ...but then only 2% of complaints to GSOC are upheld .

oscarwildec33

I came on here to find other men who need support going through a similar situation as I have been going through .No claims against me ...my claims towards the Garda were dismissed by GSOC .Id like to support other decent men like myself ....its a tough station .

I am sorry for your troubles. Not in a position to offer much advice unfortunately. Perhaps men’s aid or safe Ireland or a church (if that’s your thing.)

Suggest that maybe a forum like this is not the best place to gain insight or support. Fairly hostile place

Jim2007

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122595593#Comment_122595593

Not surprised as it does not sound at all like a criminal matter. Go talk to a solicitor.

drury..

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122595850#Comment_122595850

Typical Jim post

Maybe read up thread

10-10-20

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122595850#Comment_122595850

Hmm, that's harsh and dismissive and not the support or empathy that the OP is looking for here. We (the general population) don't all have 15k to run to a solicitor with. In the past many of these issues became crosses to bear and individuals became addicts of various types out of derision - & fell out of society and forgotten about.

@Anaki r2d2 hit the nail on the head in some ways (but a church isn't always the answer either).

Original poster - you're falling 'between the bar-stools' in terms of state support and you're in the depths of the feeling of isolation. Guards, in fairness, have a very limited remit before they push it elsewhere, except there hasn't been an 'elsewhere' suitable for your issue. From what I read I think you're beyond the initial stages of needing support but if you have friends and family to talk to, that can help. Counselling support might help with the emotional toll (and maybe you have been there), but the issue is that you don't have a clear path to resolve this. I'd start by looking at what has been setup for women in terms of legal support - as it's a far more defined path - and identifying whether you can avail of those services (whether that is legal support or even additional Garda protection or court orders).

Critically, I do think you need to also look for a supportive solicitor who's going to take the time to understand and engage on your issues, and maybe take smaller steps to getting this resolved. You might be best placed to find that type of solicitor through contacts or support groups as they mightn't be in you local town (as you'll likely know).

👍️

10-10-20

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122595883#Comment_122595883

I don't know if that's typical or not, but I'm not happy seeing that level of response to a call for support.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122595923#Comment_122595923

I think what Jim meant is that without clarification of the type of abuse he's been subject to, the guards may not have any jurisdiction to help him and refer it as a civil matter. That's not to say no help is available. If he has suffered violence or sexual assault then while the garda are not always willing to engage without evidence, he can apply for a protection order directly through the courts and start the ball rolling.

Mens aid would have more information and assist him in this process, and if the op is homeless they might also be able to find him temporary accommodation in the meantime. I don't know how flac operates in these situations but at best guess he might get some legal advice about his situation though his local citizens information center so maybe check them out too.

I'd imagine that like women's aid, men's aid provide theraputic supports also, counselling or activities that can help the op re engage with civilised society where he can learn to rebuild his confidence and self esteem and put him on a path to recovery. Again, it's all dependent on the level of abuse the op has been subject to.

drury..

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122595928#Comment_122595928

Op said he's been through 2 yrs of solicitors

One of them will likely to have to leave the home to sort this

And if she's not leaving it's unlikely any solictor or garda will fix this

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122595976#Comment_122595976

Might be time to walk a different line so, sometimes there is no help or answer to abuse. If this is where you're at op learning to accept the situation is going to go a long way to helping your recovery. It might give you the strength to make the decision to walk away and decide to begin a new life somewhere else, with different goals and motivations. I was there for a long time and once I began to accept that no help was coming I started to help myself. It becomes easier over time to let go of the people and situations from the past and getting to the point of being so low the only way to go is up.

If you have finances invested in the house and can't afford to divorce maybe seek help from domestic agency with respect to housing, getting a roof over your head is going to be a priority and free legal aid might be able to offer advice on how to proceed in litigation. Take up the offer of any free counselling in your area, a lot of mens sheds stuff provide a great service and access to other supports and failing that turn2me offers a number of sessions to help get you started.

Hope everything works out. You might find your a better person after it all and be glad you made the change in the long term.

oscarwildec33

A woman I met a while ago told me a situation she encountered.

Early in the week her partner came home drunk and in the process of a row he gave her a black eye .

Later that week he repeated his pub crawl and again came home drunk ...she locked the door and refused him entry .A neighbour phoned the Garda ....they came ...asking the woman as to why she was denying him entry ..she told them of the earlier that week thumping she received and their question was ...." did you report it" ....when she said no ...they told her the drunk was entitled to lawful entry to his home ...she complied .

I never drank in my life...law abiding ...yet the Garda who know the abuser denied me my lawful entry into my home ...actually advised me to take my car and park on the main street as sleeping in my car on my own property was upsetting my abuser who stood at the door screaming abuse .

I have done all the routes and all the support groups ....I don't qualify for free legal aid or anything ... ...thanks to everybody for the advise and concern ....just thought I would comment on here and see if any men are experiencing anything similar. Regards .

sydthebeat

probably best to move this thread to personal issues

@LizT are you the applicable mod here?

@awec maybe you could look at this?

oscarwildec33

Just decided to see if any more men in similar situation .

Will leave it and thanks all for your input.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122597250#Comment_122597250

There's a long-running men's rights thread in The Gentleman's Club, it might be a better place to post? Although it does seem to be mostly an echo-chamber for one particular poster with an agenda. You never know, though, you might get some useful info there.

oscarwildec33

Thank you .

Jim2007

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122595883#Comment_122595883

Maybe open your eyes! The OP knows this is a civil matter he has even consulted a solicitor. He is on here bad mouthing the Garda and GSOC for something that is not in their remit.

oscarwildec33

Been through all that ...an expert on options to be honest ...thanks for your suggestion regardless ...

oscarwildec33

Wow ...somebody on here told me its a toxic place ...you have just proven that ....you must be a Garda ....I'm laughing at least .Pure ignorant .

oscarwildec33

I'll educate you ...garda remit ....that's a big word for you ! ...is to ensure me lawfull safe entry into my own home .

drury..

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122598081#Comment_122598081

I see u still didn't read the thread as expected

He's been dealing with gardai and solicitors for 2 yrs

Maybe find somewhere else to make yourself feel important

mrs.doubt.fire

Oscar…go on a course, college or something, because once your a student, your entitled to free legal aid ;)