18 year old son dating a settled traveller

I realise this may sound discriminatory.

My 18 year old son is seeing a 20 year old girl from the settled traveller community. We are not from the same background.

I have met her on one occasion when she came to the house but this is a relationship I do not want to encourage and cannot support. I have explained this to my son and that we can't have her over to the house again. He is not happy with my views and is going to continue to see her. I realise this is his choice. I have tried talking to him about it on a couple of occasions, the last discussion ended in an argument which of course we do not want. He is a great boy and we have a really good relationship so I know I can say no more about it and just hope the relationship with the girl fizzles out.

I want the best for him. I would like for him to be more aware about the company he keeps but I realise I can only advise and guide and keep healthy communication going. I won't be saying anymore to him about this relationship.

What do you think?

User567363

Nice!

Panthro

Youve said your peace, its your house so you decide who's welcome and who isn't.

There's not much else you can do.

DellyBelly

I feel for you and I think I'd feel the exact way you do. As you say he's only 18 and so hopefully it's something that won't last.

blade1

Like the time I dropped this girl I met out home.

When we pulled up at a halting site, I said , I thought you said you were a nurse, to which she replied, no, I said I was one of the Ward sisters.

Facthunt

Times have moved on me thinks! Live and let live!

Also, do you really want to be upsetting the traveller community? 🤔

Take her as she is not what you imagine she is.

When I was young I dated an Indian girl for four years and my parents were never happy. If I hadn't been such a dick I would probably be married to her now, but I blew it. Should I have followed my parents wishes and dumped her because of her colour - absolutely not.

What is telling here is you have said nothing about this girls character and probably know nothing about her.

Deregos.

Its the age old adage that the more you let your son know how much you disapprove of this relationship, the more he'll go against your wishes to try and prove you wrong about this girl.

This is a delicate question as I myself wouldn't envy your predicament, but you haven't said exactly why you don't want him seeing her, is it souly because of her traveller background or is there something else that you don't like about her?

Your son is just gonna consider that you're some kind of racist if you haven't got any another reasons . . only that she's a traveller.

rolling boh

Let it be don't drive him into something stupid ,at that age chances are it will fizzle out soon enough for a variety of reasons .

suvigirl

Is this an.actual wind up?

You have said absolutely nothing about this girl other then she is a traveller. I don't believe this thread is real, new poster

gossamerfabric

If her parents are aware that she is dating outside the "community" then that would be a comfort.

If her parents aren't aware then you need to talk to the son about the prospects for the relationship.

I see sheep

Bad vibes to this thread.

Donald Trump

You shouldn't be so negative about the likely mother of your future grandchild. She's probably a lovely girl.

You might want to start saving now though for the Christening just in case there is any truth to the stereotype of having large family events. You might only have 7 or 8 months to get a nest egg built up before it.

Homer

think of the cheap driveways and gutter cleaning

positron

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122410442#Comment_122410442

I am Indian, and living in Ireland. I was dating my Irish GF and my parents protested HARD. The great shame to the family, the threat of disowning, absolute certainty that she would cheat and that she would divorce me in a few years (because it's common in the 'West') and threatening to suicide if I don't change my mind - and thiswent on for three whole years.

Well, we are married for 16 years now. My parents came around and agreed to it and is well proud of their daughter in law.

OP, I don't have your life experiences, so I can't begin to imagine or think anything useful to say - but in an ideal world - if you trust your son, support him. If you think he's making a mistake, advice him but support him anyway, so that you will have his trust if something goes wrong and you will be able to support him again.

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122410567#Comment_122410567

Why do you think it's a wind up?

Who in their right mind would be delighted that their child is dating a traveller.

Op - You need to have a serious chat with your son to ensure that he is taking every precaution that this girl doesn't end up pregnant with his child. Traveller girls have children young.

I know of a family whos son got a traveller girl pregnant. The relationship fizzled out and both him and his family are now treated like a bank machine for this girl. Threats are made if money is not paid over. Sad thing is they are allowed have very little contact with the child. It's ruined his life.

Get him out now OP. Distract him in some way.

This will never work out long term due to different backgrounds but he could be left with a lifetime of consequences from this relationship.

Bellbottoms

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058360836/18-year-old-son-dating-a-settled-traveller

It sounds discriminatory, because it is.

Get over yourself.

Soc_Alt

You are living my nightmare.

Let me know how it turns out.

gmisk

I worked with a settled traveller before, he was a lovely fella and his family were great. Why not give the girl a chance? Your son could really hold it against you if you don't imo.

suvigirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122410676#Comment_122410676

course it's a wind up. FFS

gmisk

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122410676#Comment_122410676

A traveller and a settled traveller can be very different things...

Seth Brundle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058360836/18-year-old-son-dating-a-settled-traveller

Is that yourself Bull?

calculator

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058360836/18-year-old-son-dating-a-settled-traveller

It 'may' sound discriminatory? I hope that poor woman dumps your son's ass STAT. Nobody needs to deal with people like you.

Furze99

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058360836/18-year-old-son-dating-a-settled-traveller

I think you're right to be concerned but there's not much you can do about it. Other than not be encouraging. It'll more than likely fade away but if the relationship does become permanent, then you'll have a choice between keeping a relationship with your son or not. If you do, then you have to accept the inevitable which is that in the case of long term relationships whether married or not, the other family becomes part of his and by extension yours.

Danny healy ray

a lot of the travellers girl start there families right young

iI won't sleep the night if I was you

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122410714#Comment_122410714

Unfortunately the majority of travellers behaviour and views doesnt change just because they live in a house.

Settled just means they live in a house rather than a caravan - thats the only difference.

Clo-Clo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122410854#Comment_122410854

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122410676#Comment_122410676

I guess you don't like travellers

We know nothing about the girl in question so painting them all with the same brush is the standard reaction from people.

I know of a family, well those stories are always bulls**t becuase the next thread you will post similar.

dulpit

Yet again, anti-traveller discrimination is displayed on boards.

OP - if you are real - what you are saying is you are a bigot. Change the word traveller to something else (e.g. a 20 year old girl from UK, a 20 year old black girl, etc) and it will show you up.

Shame on.

homingbird

The trouble is not the girls but the cumunity he would be marrying into you brought your son up with the proper values but the same can't be said for the other side I will explain my brother in law is working with a farmer that hired a traveller lad that has his eye on everything that s not tied down the milk collection lorry was around collecting the milk recently when the driver was out of the cab the lad was up in it routing around.

Also I have a necice that works in a hotel that had 2 family s of travellers in the other day that ordered dinner got up & walked out without paying.blame the parents they know no better let one in let them all in

Thanks for all the (mostly!) helpful feedback so far!

Thelonious Monk

Just pray he doesn't impregnate her, trav girls tend to have kids very young

893bet

They don’t approve of sex before marriage so good chance they will elope and marry. Might be already done.

Anyway congrats to the OP.

NIMAN

Seems to be a thing with Boards of late.

Newly registered poster putting up controversial topics in the hope of starting a pile on?

Tombo2001

If you want to know is this discriminatory - ask the question, would you/ anyone put this type of message up on Facebook under their own name.

No they wouldnt.

People get away with a lot on boards.

Wanderer78

…make sure its wrapped up!

…id be deeply concerned if i was in your position op, so hopefully this does fizzle out…..

….best of luck….

whisky_galore

Parenting 101. Don't ever prohibit, advise or interfere with your kids dating, they only do the opposite of what they're told.

Thought this is obvious.

Wanderer78

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122411071#Comment_122411071

…and maybe appropriate communication with kids would be a better approach, the op has expressed their concerns, which are valid, but now backing off is probably required, and let it be…..

boetstark

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122410915#Comment_122410915

😂

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122410915#Comment_122410915

You seriously equating a girl from UK with a traveller.

BTW what's your issue with people from the UK.

You do realise that she is probably getting same feedback from her family for having a realionship with a settled guy.

JP Liz V1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122410438#Comment_122410438

Lol

OP you have to let him make his own choices, you have told him your view

It may all work out good or fizzle out

Some are good skins, decent folk, have your heard anything bad about her or her family? I know the negative stories surpass the positive

calculator

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122411017#Comment_122411017

Well he would be equally guilty in that case wouldn't he! FFS!

LimerickGray

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122410688#Comment_122410688

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058360836/18-year-old-son-dating-a-settled-traveller

You are a racist

suvigirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122411080#Comment_122411080

What concerns are valid? because as far as I can see, OP doesn't have any concerns other then the girl is a settled traveller.

Red Silurian

My advice - support the relationship even though you don't like it, children of that age are rebellious so not supporting will in effect make it last longer. Also, your house, your rules but would you rather your son live under your roof or under another roof?

This advice stands for all parents of teenage children regardless of ethnic backgrounds

Tombo2001

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122411150#Comment_122411150

Advice?

Someone arrives in on their first post and makes an highly incendiary comment.

You think this person is looking for advice?

Spear

That's enough of this abuse of the Forum Requests forum.