Women and Mens Dating Preferences **Mod Note in Post #9**

Honey50000

I see a lot interviews on Utube with women on what they want in a guy. The majority when asked seem to answer taller than me makes more money than me etc. Where as when men are asked they dont really care about much a woman makes or her status is in a career. It is interesting the hardwired differences between both. In addition we know common complaint from guys that women say they want nice guys but treat them like crap and ignore them when they get them. Where as men love a women that is perceived kind etc. What does everyone think does your experiences reflect this?

Smee_Again

I think you have a very blinkered and slightly concerning view on men and women.

Honey50000

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121045969#Comment_121045969

What are you talking about its not my view did you read the post WOMEN AND MEN HAVE SAID in interviews. Is that okay with you that we can report what they say in interviews without making snarky comments aimed at me thanks

bobbysands81

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121045969#Comment_121045969

Really? The OP doesn’t state that this is actually their opinion, they’re just saying that this is something they’ve noticed in some YouTube videos.

Honey50000

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121045982#Comment_121045982

Exactly if this is the prevailing viewpoint of both genders it doesnt matter what I think if its what majority think.

yourdeadwright

As a bloke iv always fund people who have a "type" odd, Feels like your chasing someone that got away or something ,

For me obviously before marriage & kids the fun was had no idea who'd you'd find attractive until you meet them .

As long as i found them "attractive " as in that spark you get, then the rest didn't really matter as it was a lets see does it work , as in age , back ground, education ,career, religion ,

Life is for living not for being boring & not trying new things, You never know what will work for you ,

Dial Hard

I'm not sure YouTube is where I'd be going for a balanced view on anything, tbh. Particularly from an Irish perspective. American dating culture is vastly different to here.

Mind you, I'm also not sure this OP posts anything in good faith, so 🤷

Honey50000

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121046219#Comment_121046219

Uncalled for but I wont react, yes American culture is likely different it was a post to get feedback not tell everyone this is 100% what most guys and girls think. If you have another source other than Utube you are free to share it or not.

JupiterKid

Mod:-

Some big generalisations on this thread and already posters are bickering with each other.

Please keep it civil and less of the sniping - if people can’t do that, it will be closed.

Leg End Reject

The mythical nice guy ...

Most people are decent people, at least if we're compatible with them. Unless someone has issues, no one wants to be with an asshole. That's why women say nice.

However, there are some men who develop a "nice" persona, pretend to like the same things as you, always agree with you etc., but as soon as they get any push back they release both barrels of whiny, passive aggressive nonsense, and protest that they always did everything you want as if you owe them.

It's possible to be nice and assertive at the same time, and prioritise your own needs when necessary. No one wants a lap dog yapping after them all the time.

I'm sure the above is true of some women too, I feel it's important to add that!

tesla_newbie

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121045980#Comment_121045980

That’s just a dopey thing ( post you quoted , not you ) Gormless liberals say to sound decent

Ubbquittious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121046777#Comment_121046777

In my experience girls lose respect if you are too nice. In years gone by I have made that mistake in order to avoid conflict and they tend to spiral down a path of disrespectfulness. If at that point you try to put a stop to it they lose the rag altogether. Had similar things happen in work too when someone who has been taking advantage gets called out & prevented from doing it any further. They are such sore losers

Honey50000

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047084#Comment_121047084

Interesting

Smee_Again

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121045980#Comment_121045980

You're talking about the hardwired differences between men and women based on a few selectively viewed interviews on YouTube. That's you offering your view on what was said in those interviews.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121046777#Comment_121046777

Hmmmmmmmm........most people are nice yet lots of women claim they can't find "nice guys".

Must be something fairly wrong with those women so

I mean most people have jobs. If loads of women are complaining that they can't find any fella with a job to date then you'd have to be wondering too

Honey50000

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047120#Comment_121047120

I am not offering any opinion I am asking for opinions there is a difference the Utube videos are a basis to start the conversations simple enough

Ubbquittious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047144#Comment_121047144

Most people are nice when its not costing them any real effort and things are going well for them

Leg End Reject

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047084#Comment_121047084

There's a difference between being nice and being a doormat. Anyone who acts likes a doormat should expect to be walked over.

In any interpersonal relationship, not just romantic, there will be times where you need to accommodate the other person's needs above your own and offer support, but if that's not reciprocated it's time to move on.

Pretending to be someone you're not, as in a "nice" person, will never work long-term, the truth will out.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047308#Comment_121047308

A fan of the "Andrew Tate School of Relationships" ?

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047176#Comment_121047176

But that goes back to my question. If most people satisfy that criteria, and it is quoted as a main criteria by plenty of women, then how can they complain that they can't find any???

Leg End Reject

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047369#Comment_121047369

Nope, I'm only heard of him here. I don't know the first thing about him.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047378#Comment_121047378

Apparently he basically tells his followers to treat women like objects and to use them as such without treating them with any respect. i.e. don't be the "nice guy" to them. "Pump and dump" so to speak. He was also arrested on suspicion of sex trafficking and forcing women to perform on sex-cams for him to make money.

Leg End Reject

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047393#Comment_121047393

That's completely different to my post and I'm a woman.

Save that nonsense for the incels.

j2

I don't see any of this in real life. All this stuff appears to be an online phenomenon. According to these online dating scholars you have to be in the top 10% of men (8 and quarter feet tall, worth several trillion, and operating with 2 and a half feet of tackle) to get a girlfriend. In actual real life people act what I perceive to be normal, and the people who are crazy in the ways people describe online are odd and seen as such. Maybe I've lived a charmed life.

Honey50000

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047449#Comment_121047449

I presume the hotter the woman the higher the demands six feet etc I could be wrong.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047408#Comment_121047408

Well you are pretty quick to denigrate certain types as "doormats" which was why I assumed you were a woman. Now you want to moan about "incels". While there are such weirdos, I would think that they are relatively rare

The reason the likes of Tate gets attention is because what he says "works" to some extent. It is fu$ked up and dysfunctional, but there is unfortunately truth to it. If a fella wants to find a nice girl, then it wouldn't be recommended.

sprucemoose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047460#Comment_121047460

incels arent that rare unfortunately

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047584#Comment_121047584

Are incels not the ones that give up and withdraw from trying to meet the opposite sex?

Whereas the likes of your man Tate "preaches" to people how to use and abuse women and treat them as objects. i.e don't give them respect and treat them like sluts and you'll get the ride but make sure you don't get attached

Honey50000

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047613#Comment_121047613

I think he says not to be a simp/doormat like the point the female poster made earlier.

Leg End Reject

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047636#Comment_121047636

Why did you edit all your laughing emojis and the clown?

Leg End Reject

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121048014#Comment_121048014

Huh yourself, you edited the post where you quoted me and replaced it with ..... Why?

nachouser

Men do be doin' dis and women do be doin' dat.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121048168#Comment_121048168

Presuming she means this and saw your post before you edited it.

I think there is little rhyme or reason to why people get attracted to each other, I believe it is more to do with the circumstances of connection, which is a far more complex thing. There would be men I would find very unattractive, but I could be attracted to quite a variety of men who would have almost nothing in common with each other appearance wise, but I think most of all intelligence and a bit of a dark or quirky sense humour might be the best common denominator I can identify.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047708#Comment_121047708

Well that's why I asked if they were a fan of his

Basically it appears to be that the ladies want a "nice guy". But he has to be genuinely nice and not putting it on. Most people are actually nice but apparently most fellas are putting it on only for when it suits them. So the requirement is that the fella be nice all the time. Except that if he's nice all the time and not putting his own needs first then he's a doormat and deserves to be treated like crap. It's like bleedin' Brexit

Now imagine if a poster came on here telling a story about a woman in an sometimes abusive relationship (could be either physical or emotional abuse) and another poster making the point that she deserves the odd slap for being a doormat and putting up with him

In reality, the issue is that people say they want one thing when in reality they don't want that at all. Maybe it's social conditioning that makes them pretend otherwise.

Honey50000

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121049316#Comment_121049316

Thats how it is so no point complaining about it

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121049405#Comment_121049405

I'm not complaining. Merely observing.

Leg End Reject

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121049316#Comment_121049316

Most people are actually nice but apparently most fellas are putting it on only for when it suits them.

No one actually said that, or any of the hyperbole in the rest of your post.

One eyed Jack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058311446/women-and-mens-dating-preferences-mod-note-in-post-9

It is interesting the hardwired differences between both.

Opinions aren’t hardwired, and what you’re seeing were carefully curated and edited videos which supported the narrative of whomever was creating that content.

The idea that men don’t care what a woman makes or any of the rest of it simply isn’t reflected in reality, where it can be observed that men very much do care about what women earn, and prefer to date women who don’t earn as much as they do. The guys who complain about women wanting nice guys are talking about themselves, imagining they’re a nice guy and can’t figure out why women don’t want anything to do with them, and of course men love a woman who they perceive as being kind, who wouldn’t?

Personally, it varies, depending upon the circumstances - physical attraction is the most important factor for me, but personality counts for a lot, I have no interest in a woman who’s physically attractive but a drama queen, there’s no shortage of women who are physically attractive and have a great personality to go with it. I’m not concerned about what anyone earns only because I don’t like talking about money and jobs and all that sort of shyte anyway, I’m more interested in how we get on together, just ordinary everyday stuff, or do we have a laugh and enjoy being in each other’s company.

El_Duderino 09

OP, would you post a link to an example of one of these interviews?

El_Duderino 09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047613#Comment_121047613

Some might withdraw, but I don't think that's necessary to be an incel. It's just lads who can't get the ride at all at all. Mostly a bit autistic or can't read social situations for whatever reasons so can't navigate the flirting and actually having the craic with a woman. So they see the whole notion of relationships as transactional and that's where the likes of Tate comes in.

Tate teaches a totally transactional relationship approach. Nothing to do with being sound and helping each other as a team. The notion of mutual respect and admiration as the basis of a loving relationship is totally alien to his approach because the lads he appeals to don't have the charm or basic soundness to be in a mutually loving relationship.

El_Duderino 09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121048344#Comment_121048344

There's research that suggests lots of what makes someone attractive is unconscious and specific to the individuals. For example having different strengths and weaknesses in immune systems which we detect through smell. In other words, we feel attraction first and make up our rhyme or reasons afterwards.

Obviously there are some visible physical things that people find attractive across the board. But the reason why people who aren't conventionally attractive are able to pair off and have sound relationships is because it's not all about conventional attractiveness. Sometimes people just click, for whatever reason.

I always watch a few episodes of Love Island for the craic and they all talk about their 'type'. The man has to be tall, muscles, tattoos a beard. All physical stuff that says nothing about the real question of whether they're sound and if they would get on. Then it turns out they've never been in a relationship before. Of course they've never had a relationship, they don't have a clue how to find a sound partner they get on with and are actually attracted to because they're looking for a partner with irrelevant physical traits like tattoos.

Grayson

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121049767#Comment_121049767

would you ever feck off with your comments about autistic guys. And when you get there, keep fecking off.

El_Duderino 09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121049787#Comment_121049787

I didn't comment on autistic guys, I commented on incels, a lot of whom have autistic traits such as not getting social interactions.

Christ it's sad to need to caveat everything but in case you're not getting it: I know lots of autistic people are in happy relationships. I know lots of autistic people are able to get social interactions and navigate friendship and romantic relationships. I know autism is a spectrum with lots of indicators blah blah.

And I also know not getting social interactions and difficulties navigating social situations is a common trait in people with autism. Happy now?

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121049638#Comment_121049638

Eh, Exhibit A:

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121046777#Comment_121046777

leading to the question as to why it appears to be a common complaint that women can't find these nice or decent fellas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047144#Comment_121047144

Each is entitled to live their life like they want. If that's to live with what you call a "doormat" then that is their choice. If that is to live with someone who will just give them an old-fashioned slap as push back rather than "whiney passive aggressive nonsense" then that is also their choice. Or anything in between

One eyed Jack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121049830#Comment_121049830

The point is a fairly simple one - being an incel is feckall to do with autism. They’re incels by choice, because their shìtty attitudes toward others is rooted in the idea that they’re the victim in every instance. Andrew Tate only exploits their shìtty attitudes to earn money, by justifying their attitudes and validating their self-pity.

As an aside - I would hope your own research into relationships stretches a bit beyond using Love Island as the basis to argue… anything really 😳

Grayson

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121049830#Comment_121049830

Yeah you did. You said the reason they were incels is because they were like autistic people.

El_Duderino 09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121049842#Comment_121049842

Some people are poor at choosing a compatible partner. Some people end up in unhappy or abusive relationships. That's a very old story.

El_Duderino 09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121049849#Comment_121049849

OK. No point explaining it again. I'm sorry you misunderstand what I said.

El_Duderino 09

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121049848#Comment_121049848

I throw an eye on Love Island for the craic and to see what's being presented for TV sake as relationships, when it's a million miles from what actual relationships are like. I've been in a pretty happy relationship, based on mutual love, respect, and a sincere desire to make each others lives and our collective lives better, since I was 19.

I also think people misunderstand what incels are. We only hear from the loud, obnoxious, hateful and angry incels. But there are loads of fairly normal lads who haven't had close intimate romantic relationships in ages.

Incels define the term in different ways. Some say it only applies to virgins, others define it as not having sex for at least a year in spite of trying to find a partner. Both groups seem to be defined in terms of sex rather than intimate romantic relationships, but that's probably part of their problem.

Taking the less strict definition, I can think of some friends who probably haven't had romantic or intimate relationships in more than a year. They're not on the Internet making hateful videos. They're just decebt blokes, getting on with life. I don't suppose those lads I'm thinking of identify as incels, by the way.

One eyed Jack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121049916#Comment_121049916

Love Island is only FOR entertainment, it’s a million miles away from the kind of relationships you or I value, certainly, but when I was their age, it most certainly was not, I wasn’t looking for anything deep and meaningful at that time 😂 You get the point though - it’s entirely superficial, like that other godawful monstrosity of a show portraying itself as contestants looking for something deep and meaningful - they’re literally naked for Christ sake! 😂

I also think people misunderstand what incels are. 

I don’t think they do, I think people understand perfectly what incels are, it’s why people try and avoid having anything to do with them. I do get the distinction you’re making though, but like you suggested - those people haven’t built a whole brand or identity around their shìtty attitude and unwillingness to make an effort with other people, whereas incels have, and the likes of Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson validate their perception of themselves and their relationship to other people. I’d call them what they actually are, only then you wouldn’t know who I was referring to when I would refer to them as sad bastards.